I’m not. If I’m being completely honest with myself(and you), I can be doing so much more. I can be doing so much better. It’s not that I’m doing badly in life. I just know that I have so much more I can give. The worst part is, I know all of the things I need to do – I just constantly put them off, or don’t bother even trying.
It makes me wonder how many other guys are the same, and how this mindset keeps us from becoming great.
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I guess not.
>I just know that I have so much more I can give.
Pretty much this, 100%. I could give more and probably be doing more, but I dunno if I want burn the candle at both ends.
As you wrote, I’m doing well. I’m not doing great. But things went so much worse growing up. I think doing well is good enough. I think it should be celebrated if it can.
And also, do what you can to improve your situation. Get that degree. Get that promotion. It doesn’t have to be flipping a switch but do something to make next year better.
I’m torn between my answer being “no, not even remotely” and “yes, unfortunately”, because most of what holds me back is either the direct result or consequences of deeply rooted, untreated mental illness. So the answer depends on how much you believe in someone’s ability to transcend their flaws and will their way through to make a better life despite the odds and all the personal flaws holding them back. I’m trapped in a box I made myself, and I either can’t or won’t open it; whether it’s “can’t” or “won’t” determines whether the answer is yes or no, respectively.
Put another way: I’m doing badly in life because I’m fucking crazy. I know I can and should be doing better, intellectually, but it’s just not happening, and I’ve given up on the idea entirely because of it. Whether that’s my best or not is an exercise left up to the reader.
If you “give” too much, you won’t have enough left for you.
“Being great” is subjective. And objective greatness is a lottery.
There is nothing wrong with a peaceful, regular life. In fact, if you land right in the middle of the bell curve of greatness vs terribleness, you’re still better off then half of everyone on the left side of that curve.
You’re doing fine, pal. Keep up the good work. 🙂
I try to hold myself to a reasonable standard. I’m not looking to change the world, just build a life that I’m happy with. Maybe some people would think I’m holding myself back by not trying to become famous or Prime Minister or something, but I have my little goals and plans and that’s good enough for me.
>if all you have to give is 10%, and you give all 10%, you are, in fact, giving 100%
some quote I read somewhere. maybe it’s just a way to justify our inaction, but I think about it occasionally. I try to not be hard on myself while I keep on trying.
I’m enjoying it. So, yes.
I just got a job offer for $500k, yeah I think that’s about as good as I can do
Fuck no but I’m generally happy and that’s enough for me
This is textbook you needing to take things one day at a time
Everytime i see someone important (or I’m attracted to) show signs of advancing in life, its always a wake-up call for me.
A co-worker recently got married. In the last 2 years i have known her she was dealing with a divorce, basically said “screw all men, eww romance, I’m not doing that ever again”…. And now here she is wearing a diamond ring which i was pretty sure was not her thing, all happy again…
Even she was willing to give love a chance again… maybe i just took her words too literally.
My sister’s and her family are living their best lives as a family of 4 and still moving up in their careers.
I’m the oldest on my team at work and haven’t moved ever since i joined the org.
No i don’t think I’m doing the best i can… I’m feeling resentful (when i really shouldn’t be), and everytime i have to think about growing up, i get scared, i mask it with pent-up frustration, i procrastinate by convincing myself this other unimportant thing is important to do (as well), and then i stay stuck where i am… it’s coming up to a decade of this stagnation , and it’s disappointing to think about where i could’ve been in life had i did the grown up things and actively kept doing it up until now.
If there’s one thing good about what i have been doing, is keeping myself in check with my hobbies. My few hobbies are what keeps me going at the moment. It doesn’t pertain to my career, but it’s something i know i get joy out of for myself, not needing any validation (unlike all the comparing i did earlier). I do get a bit resentful about how i give more than others give back, especially that coworker… I’m going to have to teach myself to reframe everything and stop projecting. it’s going to be tough as hell to not fall back into my old ways on my own though.
I can honestly say that I am living my life to It’s full potential and I am probably the best version of myself that I have seen in 60 years.
My mental health is excellent, I’m in the best physical shape of my life, my business is doing very well, my finances are strong and stable
Most importantly, I love my wife very much and my family are all in good health
I know this isn’t in keeping with the theme of the original post, but this is the first time in my life I have been in a position to say this.
No, but also yes.
There are things I could be doing better at. Things I could do, things I could achieve or accomplish.
However I am doing the best that my mental health an resiliency allows for.
We all expect too much of ourselves. Pick one thing to do a little better. Once you’ve got that down, pick another thing to do a little better. Bite sized chunks my man. Do it all at once and you’ll choke.
I bring nothing to the table.
Can’t be bothered to do any extra.
Kids live on their own, wife seems to be happy-ish, work is just fine.
I work, exercise, play, sh*tpost, do household stuff, save a little, wait for the next weekend, the next holiday, the next trip.
I’m happy (adjacent) with my life, and see absolutely no point In doing any extra.
No. Neither do I feel like I have the energy or know-how to do so. It’s increasingly disheartening as I age.
If you desire to do more start with one thing at a time. Maybe going back to school to finish a degree would be a good goal for you. Maybe just hitting the gym once a week.
Ultimately “good enough” is kind of where I am at. I am tired of having too much that I feel I “have to do” and am really looking forward to life slowing down one day. I do feel like I also have a decent amount of wasted time where I could do more but I just need to be happy with what I have and give effort where it matters (family).
What is the goal here?
Should we try to “do the best”? Or should we focus instead on a life that we find pleasant and satisfying?
I have wasted more opportunities than most people ever get. In the end, I am much less than what I could have been. But even with all that, I’m still doing rather well.
Perhaps it is because I failed at several things that I managed to succeed at others. It taught me things and it built a mental muscle. It also gave me some insights.
The most important one of those insights is that a lot of decisions are made to try and impress others. And that never works.
Another important one is that perfect is the enemy of good. It is literally unattainable and striving for it will take up a massive amount of resources, leading you to miss out. Focus on achieving the good outcome, not the perfect one.
We can focus on anything, not on everything.
my own shit? yea probably
No, most definitely not. I’m also tired, really, really tired.
I’m reading this shit, so No.
I like to imagine that I have more to offer, but that enters the territory of denying that I have massive cognitive and mental health issues that have stood in my way for most of my 46 years.
I do think I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances. On one hand, it makes me a little sad to think this might be as good as it gets. On the other hand, there’s a peace that comes with accepting your limitations.
I feel like I wouldn’t be missed by very many people if I disappeared tomorrow, and I’ve spent a significant amount of time hypothesizing how I’ll minimize my physical and psychic imprints on the world should I be preceded by my partner in shuffling off the mortal coil. As of now, it involves Appalachia and a van.
I’m just trying to survive at this point. I’m buried in pretty much every area in trying to work on. If I keep going that’s an achievement now.
God no.
I’m trying. I work healthcare and feel burnt out a bit. I’m two weeks into a twelve week weight loss cutting phase. I’m trying to get my home and lawn back in order (it was neglected for a decade prior to us purchasing it).
It feels like I’ve got no cognitive reserve anymore and everything hurts.
I try quite hard in many areas (work, family, eating healthy), but I spend too much time on social networks. If I worked out, meditated and read books more and spend less time here and on other sites, it would be much better.
No. But after grinding in my career for the last 20 years, I’m just really tired… Life is exhausting now.
Comparison is the thief of joy, I already wrestle enough with worrying that I’m not good enough. Comparing myself to some fictional idealized version of myself wouldn’t help. I’m just going to do my damndest to enjoy life, despite what my self-doubts might say to the contrary.
No I am not. However, I am doing much better than I ever have. I am not even close to achieving my goals and am just now finally getting out of a hole I spent a good 15-20 years digging myself into, but I can finally see the light.
A good exercise is to write down all of the qualities, traits, habits, attitudes, and traits of your “higher self” or best self. How does your best self spend their time? What kind of job do they have? What goals do they have?
Once you have a clear vision of what “doing the best you can with your life” actually looks like, you can then start to work on putting those things into action. At the start of every week, write down and plan on how your “higher/best self” will leverage and optimize those 7 days to achieve your goals.
It really all boils down to your habits. It’s going to be painful, difficult, and you will try to justify and rationalize ways to get out them. Fight through this. It is going to be very difficult and you might even think it’s “impossible”. It’s critical to fight through these emotions and feelings until it becomes a habit. Once it becomes a habit, it isn’t nearly as hard as it once was or appeared to be
Successful people do the things that unsuccessful people don’t. This does not mean that they want to do these things, but they do them anyways. Doing the things you know you need to do, ESPECIALLY when you don’t feel like doing them, is what will lead to you achieving your goals and becoming the best version of yourself possible.
Nope, at work I’m prolly at 70-80% of capacity, and my personal life is maybe 50-60% capacity.
I’ve tried to improve but my personal feeling is that other people are holding me back and/or not appreciative of my efforts. It’s still a bit of a mystery to me why. Maybe I’m just unlikeable, or maybe I’m in a “crabs in a bucket” situation. Dunno.
Not as much as I would like. Currently going through a hiatus in the career, so hopefully things can improve maybe next year
If you cant do what you need to do, then how can you claim you can do better?
You are hurting yourself by holding unrealistic expectations of your capabilities.
Who knows? Not going to make the perfect the enemy of the good.
you don’t get a medal at the end 🤷♂️
Not even close.
I’m far below my potential and everyone including my wife knows it.
I guess. I provide for my family of 4, have a career making $200k a year, my only debt is mortgage.
I wish I could say I was happier but seemingly that feeling isn’t where I thought it’d be.
YES. Now, back off.
I’m giving it about 75%. I could try living like Elon and have literally no vegetative time, but that just ain’t me.
No, but at least I’m not reckless
As a 50+ guy, I think balance in life is really the ultimate goal, however you define it so for me, that’s the “best” I can do with my life. Definitely includes putting the most important things first however you see them, which I haven’t always done but I’ve gotten a lot better.
Im doing good but there is always room for improvement. I know I’m a good person and make good decisions, help friends and family, and love those that are close to me.