I love my boyfriend but I think his friends are absolute garbage human beings that are alcoholics. (yeah see post history)
I feel like since we’ve been dating, they’ve been a source of contention between us but he’s grown significantly throughout the relationship and become less and less like them and seen more and more problems within his friend group.
I don’t want to make him choose between me and them, but I don’t want to be surrounded by people whose morals and values I don’t share and that add nothing to my life but people to party with.
Are you friends with your significant others friends? If not, how do you navigate that?
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I tried during my last LTR, but it didn’t work out. I nicknamed them “the gentrification crew” after finding out that two of them were directly responsible for some really thoughtless land development choices and that the others had no problem with that.
Not really, I have no issues with his friends and I’m always happy to see them but we aren’t really friends. Really big age gap between us and then most of his friends are from the music scene (which in not apart of) or past jobs.
Mine has one or two such friends, but then many others who are healthy and normal. I just accept it. I was frustrated about it for a long time, but they are friends from childhood that helped him through a lot of trauma, so those bonds are difficult to shake.
They don’t have a big influence on him and he doesn’t see them often. I also choose to keep my distance and they aren’t allowed to get drunk at our home.
It depends on how much they impact him and you.
If he sees the problems then that’s good.
I feel like the odds imma like a man’s friends are low so I kinda accept that and move on😭
Sounds exactly like my last relationship. I always thought he was making progress as well. But he really wasn’t. I thought all his friends were terrible people and he was just confused. Nope. He’s terrible too. Terrible people surround themselves with other terrible people.
I get along fine with them. They seem like solid guys. I don’t think my husband has any friends I’ve outright hated.
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Yes, we share the same hobbies and went to the same college together. Our circle of friends are similar
We have some mutual friends that we all hang out with as a group, and there are some friends of his that I’ve met and see sometimes and like well enough.
Then he has some friends who sound a bit like what you’re describing. I find them really immature and I can’t be myself around them because we just do not mix. I just stopped joining on nights with that group cuz I wasn’t enjoying myself and they aren’t my friends so I didn’t need to be there lol. He has since started to outgrow them and sees them less often, and when he does he’s reminded of why there is some distance now.
I feel like it comes down to just how shitty are they? If they just aren’t your cup of tea due to lack of shared interests or energy levels, stay home and enjoy the house to yourself. If they are genuinely horrible people then I can understand not wanting him to spend time with them, cuz at a certain point your company is reflective of who you are too.
Yes. My partner having decent friends was a requirement for having/continuing a relationship. Because ultimately you become the people you surround yourself with. So if a person has a bunch of horrible friends, they’re likely horrible too.
I’m not close with a lot of my husband’s friends but I respect them all as people. If he hung out with someone I thought was a bad person that would be a problem for us.
Yes, but they’re mostly functioning, healthy adults. There are a few that I’m less close with due to their decisions, but it’s not challenging to manage. My husband is my best friend and I know that him and I are on the same page.