Think I’m just looking for some people to relate to. I’m late 30’s, have lots of “friends” but I feel like I could bet on the fact that not a single one of them would consider me their “best” friend. On the flip side, I honestly have a hard time pinpointing the person I’d consider my best friend. I’ve probably done a lot of this to myself as I tend to be pretty introverted, but I still have lots of hobbies, play lots of sports and am not completely devoid of social skills. Still, if I don’t initiate a text exchange, I’d go weeks at a time with out hearing from anyone other than my wife. At this point, most of my time is dedicated to my family, so I’m not even sure if it’s too late for me to find that kind of a friend. I find myself sitting around holding that as my kids get older and get into more programs that I might meet more people. Can anyone tell me I’m not out of luck?
Comments
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.
Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, you can simply type “!lock” (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread. That way you won’t be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Late 30s and lots of friends???
What in the name of humble brag
Does my dog count?
Yeah my daughter’s.
I’m genuinely not sure if anyone even considers me a friend at this point, let alone a best friend.
No
Yes I think it’s too late to find a best friend. But sounds like you have a good life, don’t sweat it.
Me and my partner are each others best friends.
I lost most of my other friends due to disability; people get weird and ghost you. Nothing you can do about it.
I’m lucky to have my relationship, and I’m lucky that we both wanted a partner who was also a best friend
I’ve never had a best friend and have always been jealous of those sorts of pairings. I guess my wife could be my best friend but not really. I do have good friends though. I’m not hard done by. But I never had a best friend.
Sort of? I like to have multiple best friends, and I’m one of their multiple best friends. You can have special friends that all sort of sit at the top for you. My best friends each represent very different sides of me and that’s why I love them all.
Ranking your friends is lame
Absolutely. My best friend and I talk 5-6 times a year. But we would go to jail for eachother on a single text.
I have three friends who would literally drop whatever they were doing to help me. The kind of people who would bail me out of jail if I needed it.
I call them my best friends.
My dad passed away Thursday before last, and each of them took the time to call or text me. Compared to other guys, I think I am extremely lucky in that regard.
Of all my (very small) group of largely fraying away friends, one is my closest friend by a fair margin. I don’t think I’m his closest friend, though, but I’m up there in his top five or so, probably. That’s fine.
I don’t think it’s too late for you to find a best friend, no. I could see someone being in his or her 70s and finding that.
Nope
People romanticize the idea of best friends. Books, films, tv shows have created fictional portrayals of what it can look like. It is something that really can only exist in childhood or early adulthood before serious relationship, families, careers and other commitments take over. And for those who have never had a best friend, I can understand the wish to be chosen first and put above others.
Unfortunately, most people get hurt when they try to make it work. Unrealistic expectations, friendships rarely balanced, one is always putting in more time and effort than the other. And when one is willing to work and fight for it, the other can retreat, give up and replace you with someone very easily.
I think it’s better to have more friends, some close, some casual and some who are just acquaintances. Instead of trying to rely on one person for most of your emotional needs, you have a healthy support network. And if someone leaves, you don’t feel the loss as much. Less jealousy. Less resentment.
Be careful what you wish for. As someone in his 30s who just lost his “best friend” of over 4 years, and invested too much into that person instead of lots of others, I wouldn’t wish the pain and the silence on anyone.
Yes I have 3 best friends. One is in prison unfortunately. One is the co-owner of our business and my very first friend from 6th grade. And one is a long time friend turned coworker
I had a fourth, but he turned into a dead beat dad and I dropped that friendship.
I have a lot of friends that I consider brothers. These are people I’ve known since 6th grade and still hang out with at least once a month for events, holidays and birthdays.
I find friendships to be incredibly important to living a fulfilling life. I don’t have a relationship with my family so they’ve all replaced them. It’s nice knowing I never have to go through something alone if I don’t want to.
I have a group of 6 best friends and we all live in walking distance, we’re very lucky, not many men over 40 have that I think
I dont think so. Dont really care either.
I guess my wife and I are each others best friends.
I’m at that point where I could be. But, that would involve me giving up my option to choose when I don’t want to be bothered. So I choose the latter and be like Shrek, alone in my swamp.
I’m not even my dog’s best friend.
Everyone of my friends just drifted apart. I bet if we were all in the same place again we hit it off like old times. I guess everyone is too busy with thier own life.
Only my spouse. Tbh, I’ve never laughed with someone so much since my childhood best friend. FWB in the best sense possible!
Look, I don’t want to take away from what you are feeling. But if you have a family and lots of friends who text back, you’re doing pretty well.
I have best friend until after high school. After that I have different friends groups.
No, I’m an uber hermit. My twin has hundreds of friends and tens of close ones though. Different world.
He had 40 friends show up to his wedding last week. It took 24 hours of flying to get there.
I can’t imagine people flying just a few hours to meet me.
Yeah. They are called homies.
Most of my life I had a best friend or a few but then I quit drinking and moved to a different city for multiple years before coming back home. I basically nuked a lot of them but it’s not like they tried either. I’d say i still have one best friend and another life long friend who is as close as we’ll ever get to that because we have kids the same age and hang all the time now. My best friend is the guy I grew up with since toddlers and basically a brother from another mother.
With kids I don’t have time for more than my parents, brother, wife, kids, And two friends.
There’s one person who we’d both consider each other one of our best friends but I don’t think ranking each other to decide on a definitive number one would be a normal thing to do.
Maybe, but also there isn’t any one person I’d consider my overall best friend. There’s multiple people I consider among my best friends, and I think many of them feel the same way toward me.
I don’t have any issue with that though – like I’m very well liked and very social. I put a lot of myself into the people around me so it would feel out of character and unbecoming for me to have one favourite over another.
I have a group of 5 dudes that are my best friends. Basically my brothers
I have one best friend (not including my partner) and a couple close friends. My best friend and I actually havent seen each other in probably a decade since literally the band broke up, but we message each other daily.
I’m 36 and I’m lucky that I have a lot of friends (I can walk into most bars in town these days and see someone to hang out with), but I have a little crew of 6 that I speak to almost every day that are pretty much family to me rather than friends these days. I love them and I know they love me, and we’ve all got each other’s backs and have been there for each other over the years through thick and thin.
As far as someone considering me as their singular best friend, I don’t think so. I don’t think I’d put any of my closest friends above any of the others and I imagine they’re the same, with the exception being those that are married who, I assume, consider their spouse their best friend – at least I hope they do!
My partner is my best friend, everyone else i cherish are close friends
Work with a guy that I talk with and hang out with regularly. He texted me three weeks ago and told me I’m his new best friend. So I guess I am someones best friend lol
I’m 48 and out of friends.
I have some coworkers I call friends, but I’m a manager so we don’t socialize after work.
I’m friendly with the husbands of my wife’s friends but if the wives have a falling out, that’s pretty much it
That just leaves my one true friend, my dog…
https://preview.redd.it/s4wlxdaeslqf1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1f8a7a3175fa3cf7a044d57d90469e8655830846
My wife’s my best friend. The guy friends moved away, died, or kept partying. Sometimes all three.
I don’t have a “best friend” but I’m privileged to have 5-6 people who are that level. They will drop everything (literally) to support me or my wife in emergencies.
These are people that would walk out of their job. Get on a plane and fly to me anywhere in the world if we needed them and their partners would understand and expect the same from me.
Nope. Outside of my family and my wife I don’t have a best friend. I have a few work buddies from my previous job I keep in touch with semi regularly, but lately I find myself being the one to reach out always. Noticing that pattern has just made me give up and stop trying. If they don’t want to be in my life, no skin off my ass anymore. I’m used to being alone
I carry my wife’s best friend with me wherever I go.
I’d make a horrible friend let alone best friend because i was treated with indifference for so long the best i can offer is to be indifferent.
My wife nowadays. I have two I would consider a best friend at this point. Not sure if it is 100% reciprocal, but I believe I would be on their list.
It is hard to say nowadays because we live diff lives, are not super close geographically, but we maintain contact and see each other at least 3 times a year and its like nothing changes every time.
Male friendship / commaradery has been nuked by media. Instead of Frodo and Sam being friends people speculate whether they’re gay. It’s been like this for decades.
I don’t really have an obvious best friend and its sad but it’s not the end of the world.
Yes.
My two closest friends consider me their « best friend ».
Next week I’m celebrating my 32nd birthday over the weekend, inviting over my girlfriend, my little sister, and my 6 « true friends ». (Not « friendly acquaintances » or « buddies »)
There’s lots of things I regret in life. But being loyal to my friends (most of them since childhood) and playing the « long game » of friendship isn’t one of them.