I wish people knew, as they judge me and look at me with those facial expressions that just scream “how would someone allow themselves to get that way?” Or “ew, gross” – that I hate myself more than you can ever hate me. The self loathing I feel on a daily basis will always outweigh the disgust you feel looking at me. My own self hate is at levels you cannot even fathom.
I want to change; I’ve never wanted to be this way. But with two knees that are useless and an ankle that throbs – exercising is painful.
I’m sorry.
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Sorry you have to deal with all the pressure. But I come maybe bearing info. I know an older dude with lots of leg pains ect from being very heavy. You should try exercising in a pool, it reduces the pressure on your joints and allows workout without stressing your body as much.
Unfortunately people Don’t push others forward but I hope this might help you be the person you want to be.
Life can be more challenging when you see yourself like that and think everyone is judging you.
Life can be tough when your body is injured or in a state where you can’t control it and use it like it’s supposed to.
I think that many people who have chronic problems are often very hard on themselves and they understand they have problems. Some people say they want to change; but don’t take action to change or/and don’t know how to change.
If you want to change, then you’re going to have to change the way you think and see yourself. The old way of thinking isn’t helpful. I’d recommend giving yourself compassion and empathy. I’d recommend having a growth mindset where you focus on your values of learning, being healthy, and what not. I
recommend being your best friend and number one fan. If you did that, then I think you’d have an easier time with taking action and making change.
You can keep telling yourself, “ I hate myself.” I’m fat and my legs don’t work. I can’t do anything.”
Or you can say things like:
How can I help myself in this moment?
My legs might not be working right now; but I still have my arms. How can I work out my arms?
I’m experiencing pain with my legs right now and exercising is difficult. What kind of movements and activities can I do with minimal pain as I heal my body?
There’s different ways to being healthy and losing weight. What are actions I can take towards that goal? What about meal planning and eating more fruits and veggies? What about learning about nutrition and how to nourish my body?
I know I’m hard on myself and the way I think about myself can be unhelpful and unkind. What are some ways to improve myself? This could be chair yoga, Breath work, reading self-development books like atomic habits, watching motivational videos, getting therapy, and so on.
I’d recommend focusing on the things you can do and the actions that you’re taking towards change. It might be 1% change each day or one week; but over time that 1% can become 30%, 50%, or 180 depending on your actions. It all starts with just one small change.
Weight loss is 80% diet. My knees stopped aching after the first 30lbs was lost.
Amazing how OP vents about society’s fatphobia and gets lectured by random redditors on how to be skinny instead, as if the weight is the main problem and not everything else
This site is a fucking joke when it comes to fat people
It’s a vice like any other- just one that is worn.
Obviously, we have personal responsibility in the matter, but we’re not all on the same playing field. In the US, they start us young on horrible eating habits that involve lots of sugary foods and foods designed to work like a drug. That stuff is pervasive in our culture too even when you try to break the cycle. Avoiding processed foods is like trying to be sober in a world that has constant alcohol- even in innocent places like a preschool or DMV.
That being said, life is not fair. Our genetics and attitudes and traumas and habits we inherit are all different- but we do have choices. They can just be really really really hard
I recommend the podcast “Maintenence Phase”. The host, Aubrey Gordon is an incredible person and does a LOT to deconstruct fatphobia in society. I’m so glad I’ve listened to the podcast because I feel like I understand the experience of fat people so much more now.
As much therapy as I’ve been in and after years of an eating disorder, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be okay with my weight and feel anything but self loathing. I get it. It’s a vicious cycle that people who haven’t gone through it just won’t understand. It makes me depressed which makes it harder to move. I’m so insecure of people thinking I eat too much that I eat very little. I’m honestly tired of how much I worry about it.
I’m sorry the world is so hard, we all going to look the same when we die. You enjoy your life, haters are going to hate. Following positive body content helps a lot! Hugs
We all have maladaptive coping skills.. some are more acceptable by society. Give yourself some grace. Your still here and that is a win!
You can’t change while hating yourself…
Dont apologize for ppl who are trashhuns. You have nothing to apologize for; youve done nothing wrong. You are no less valuable as a human being and if anything youre more valuable than those who are nasty on the inside.
Ive struggled with my weight my whole life; from being a little chubby as a kid to having an eating disorder in my 20s and being 105 lbs at 5’5″ at my lowest and now i wish i could get it back cause i need to lose weight but i hate going to the gym now and i have zero motivation and i know my body; i know it wont happen with diet and exercise. I have to damn near kill myself to lose weight. And i just dont have the self control anymore. I feel exactly the same way you feel and i felt fat and insecure at a size 0-2 , too. It never changed for me. I think thats part of being a woman; it seems. Never really feeling ok with how we look.
I truly believe that there is a huge genetic component. And it runs in my family. Because both my moms maternal grandmother; so my great grandma; and my dads aunt were both huge women. Like 300+ lbs. Their whole lives; big. Now im not near that big; but i was thinking about them the other day and everyone always blames lifestyle and im thinking theres something science hasnt discovered yet because these two women lived during a time when ppl were much smaller in general; for one, and there wasnt fast food , processed foods, chemicals and hormones in meat; they ate the shit they grew and raised on their own farms; not to mention it was during the great depression and even before and after that both families were unbelievably poor. So they didnt have the option to overeat. Ever. And they were more active cause you had to be ….it doesnt add up. Even if they ate bacon and biscuits and fried chicken ; everything was cooked from scratch. Portions were much smaller cause they were dirt fucking poor. High calorie foods cooked from scratch at home; in small portions, cannot make someone 300+ lbs obese.
Something more is at play. Of course lifestyle can help it or contribute to it; but i maintain that its still just a factor and not even the biggest one in some cases.
So fuck what these vapid idiots think. You just do what you need to do for you. Take care of yourself, if you want to be healthier than do it for you; at your own pace, and dont kill yourself in the process just to get approval from others because ppl are fuckfaces no matter what. And if theyre gonna judge you based on your appearance than they are worthless human beings who arent good friends to anyone and are likely pretty boring and annoying ppl to be around and youre not missing much. But dont ever feel like you owe these dickweeds an apology. Fuck that. Youre awesome. Everyones looks deteriorate as we get older and ive never thought a person looked uglier than when i see pretty ppl act hateful and stuck up.
But i hate myself too so youre not alone. I just dont give a fuck what ppl think about me cause it cant possibly be as brutal as i assess myself ; i just dont care. Lol. And thats not really the right answer either…
I use to weight 400 lbs I got down to 220 just cutting carbs out and walking only took two years….just gotta get started it’s tough at first but worth your happiness
Please don’t hate yourself. Would you hate a fat friend for being fat or want them to apologize to you for weighing more? Of course not!! So stop being mean to yourself. Give yourself the love and grace that you would give to literally anyone else.
If you want to lose weight, most effective way is to eat less, especially if you’re visibly fat to the point people stare (f*ck them all). You can lose most of the weight by reducing your calorie intake. A 3500 calorie deficit will remove 1 lb off you. Most workouts burn only 200-300 calories, so that calorie deficit is much easier to achieve by not exercising your jaw versus exercising your body.
Exercise does help replace the dopamine you lose when you stop ingesting a lot of food, so you will want to investigate why you overeat and address it. But, don’t focus on exercise as much as choosing a new food lifestyle you can live with to reduce your size.
And again, f*ck the fat haters. Anyone who is such a judgmental piece of crap isn’t worth your time or worry.
Zepbound. Trust me if you csn get it through your 8nsurance, it is a life saver, game changer. I am on it since Dec and lost 35lbs already.
If exercise is not feasible, dieting is the only way.
People underestimate how much they eat often. My plus size friend told me once he doesn’t eat that much and he has no idea why he is so big. I have seen the way he eats. He eats three times the amount of food I eat!
Exercise is only 20% of the improvement. Nutrition is 80%. You can do it, one day at a time. Learn about nutrition.
You don’t owe anyone an apology for existing.
Your weight is your business, and we don’t know people’s stories. Especially given that your legs seem to be in constant pain, it is a lot easier to get into your situation than people want to admit.
You’re not some kind of lesser class of human because you’re fat, and people who think that have a lot of work to do.
The mental battles fought by heavy people aren’t a joke. My wife dealt with weight issues that stemmed from some pretty fucked up childhood traumas. Before we met, she had lost 135 pounds and her mental health was in a really good place. She slipped on ice in the parking lot at her work 2 weeks after we got married and snapped her arm in half. She lost a lot of the progress she had made and her mental health went down bad. I could see it. I know how hard it is, and I’ve seen what the mental aspect can do to people dealing with this. I watched my once happy and confident wife shy away from wearing things, lose her confidence, become depressed all over again. I don’t wish it on anyone. I hope you can find something that helps you fix your mental health and I hope you find peace OP.