Last term, I withdrew from my professors class due to personal difficulties surrounding my own health and surgery. A couple months after withdrawing, I asked him out for coffee and saying hello/catching up because I thought I would never need to take his class again. I had retaken the class at another university and passed, but my university didn’t accept it as transfer credit. As such, I need to take his class again, but will that make it super awkward for him and should I try finding another institution to take it from or wait for a different semester?
Comments
Not a problem. If there’s no romantic stuff going on, this is totally normal. Just humans being innocently humans.
if I was this professor, I’d be uncomfortable. I’d be worried that however I treated you, it might end up coming back on me as a sexual harassment situation. I’d recommend trying to take the class from someone else if possible.
this is all moot if you and the professor did go out for coffee and it was casual/professional instead of romantic. it’s not clear to me exactly what happened between you.
Just take it and don’t worry about it. The professor will have a number of students to worry more about than you, and this sort of thing nowhere near the great bother of dealing with a cheater or something.
The one thing to worry a bit about even slightly is if you ever need a letter of recommendation from him.
Did you ask him out for coffee as a date? Or genuinely just because you wanted to get coffee with a professor whose class you didn’t finish taking?
If it’s the latter, and that’s how he saw the interaction as well, there’s no issues here at all.
Just take the class. Don’t be weird about it or draw any attention to your prior overture – especially if you didn’t explicitly use the word “date” and it could be interpreted as you seeking to be friendly, to build or maintain a professional relationship, or perhaps just explain your withdrawal if your circumstances were complex (even if this is just in that awkwardness-defusing plausible deniability sense).
Your professor may or may not have registered your romantic intent, may have brushed it aside without much concern, or may have thought it uncomfortable… But however inappropriate they are – student crushes on teachers are not unusual. He ignored (/rejected) you and will be professional about your resumed student-teacher relationship. Honestly no big deal. Don’t do it again though. It’s unwelcome.
There are lots of reasons a student might want to catch up with a professor over coffee that are not a date, such as looking for general academic or career perspective or discussing the course (e.g. particular topics you want to learn more about), etc. I’m a PhD student and it seems totally normal (even if it’s not super common, since people are busy) to get coffee with professors in related fields.
Your professor should have said no to your invite
So I was a course instructor during PhD studies, meaning as far as a student was concerned I was their professor.
The professor usually can move you out of his class if he sees an issue. As you wrote they ignored it and there is a good chance they’d forgot about it.
However, I think it would be best take with another instructor if possible. If they do remember the email, you’ve probably put them in a more awkward position.
It’s 2025 and assuming it’s an American school generally professors are strongly disincentivised from dating ANY student even if they aren’t in their class. This is especially case for ANY undergrads or grad students in their department, but could even apply to grad students in other departments.
I am not saying it doesn’t happen. It can negatively impact their career and have professional consequence. It’s out right banned at some top tier universities
. Professors who manage to get tenure generally work at the same university their entire lives, so very few would take that sort of professional risk.
You wouldn’t be the first person to have a crush on your professor. I really wouldn’t ask your professor on a date in the future.
All this being said. If you have no choice but to take the class, just take it and don’t be weird about it.
Hi, I’m a professor and I genuinely would not care. I have had students straight up offer, well, extracurricular activities which obviously I turned down for a great many reasons but continued to on like it was nothing.
If he is a good guy, chances are you are not the first and won’t be the last to take a swing for the fences. He has the power here, it’s far less awkward and humiliating being in the higher position. Take his class and when he recognizes you just give him a smile and a shrug and forget it ever happened. To him it was just a compliment.
Address things head-on. At the end of the first class, talk to him afterwards, and be clear that your intentions for the semester are purely academic. You didn’t cross any lines. You should be fine.
I’m a professor and I 100% do not want to socialise with any of my students, past or present. Ever.
If they want to talk to me, they can come to office hours. The door is open. I wish them all the best, I’ll write letters of recommendation when they are deserved, and I’ll provide additional support as needed – provided it all remains within the boundaries of the campus.
Don’t sweat it. Just don’t make it weird.
The professor faces the very real possibility of being fired for “moral turpitude” (corrupt or depraved behavior) if his contract with the university is specific regarding faculty-student relations. Once you graduate however you would no longer be a student and he might be willing to date you. Professors have to be aware of cases of students blackmailing their teacher for a better grade claiming sexual assault or unwanted advances.
The professor has a duty to report conflicts of interest to human resources if he believes there to be a conflict.
Human resources has an obligation to resolve reported conflicts of interest.
As a student, you should take the classes you need to take to graduate, and let the faculty in question resolve conflict check. If you need further guidance, you could reach out to the student ombuds for guidance or for proactive steps.