If you’re an adult with a job (or retired), and you want to go on vacation, asking friends for free lodging if you find (edited to add: hotels) too expensive is tacky.
If you want to go on vacation, go on one that you can afford. If you can’t afford a vacation, then do a staycation; don’t travel somewhere and expect friends to give free housing to you.
I have one couple (who I haven’t seen in 20 years; they are retired) who always calls me repeatedly when they’re planning a vacation to my city. They always say that hotels are too expensive. Well, then don’t travel here.
Another person who I went to university with, decades ago, contacts me when he wants to come to my city. He “can’t afford $500” despite having FIVE Ivy League degrees. (He likely can’t, as he can’t keep a job and currently isn’t working, but perhaps he should be looking for a job instead of vacationing.)
So: take vacations that you can afford. If you can’t afford to pay for a vacation, don’t take it.
Comments
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion at all. It’s not terrible if someone enthusiastically invites you and you know they have enough space/stuff but if someone is contacting you just for that then I think most people would agree that’s not right.
I want my friends to stay with me so they can have all the free housing they want.
Idk, I enjoy visiting friends and having them visit me?
This should be under r/vent because it’s not unpopular but it is worth venting about lol. This is how my BIL stopped talking to his cousin who he was really close to.
Depends on the culture and relationship. I’m Latino and all my Latino friends are open to sharing our places when we visit each other.
I think this is more like:
Asking “friends” (who you haven’t seen in decades) for free lodging for their vacation is tacky.
Asking actual friends, where part of the vacation would be visiting with said friends, isn’t tacky at all.
You have not seen the couple in 20 years and they call you regularly to stay with you?
Idk, I was always stoked to be able to help my friends/family save money so they can afford to do more. When I lived in Hawaii it was very common for us to have people staying at our house. Sure, they could have afforded a hotel, but why should they when I had a perfectly good house they could stay at?
These people arent your friends lol. That’s the issue here
I’d be thrilled if a distant friend wanted to stay with me. I would rather they asked than stay in a hotel
I don’t think this is unpopular.
I’m an influencer. I deserve free stuff.
Agreed.
Now if I’m going specifically to visit someone and they offer for me to stay at their place, I may or may not take them up on that
This isn’t unpopular at all amongst actual adults. But most of the commenters here are right, if they were your actual friends, you could just say “fuck no you’re not staying with me. get a fucking hotel.” and it wouldn’t matter.
Why is this downvoted? I thought we were supposed to upvote unpopular opinions! HARD disagree OP good job!
I’d modify this to be asking distant acquaintances for free lodging is tacky.
If my actual friends are coming to town, they’re 100% welcome. We have a guest room. They usually bring wine or whisky. We end up chilling on the patio having drinks at night. It’s fun.
When we travel as a family, we prefer a hotel even if there are local friends that we meet up with for dinner. But if I’m going solo, there are a few buddies I’ll occasionally crash with…
Doesn’t really have much to do with hotel costs – I can usually use points if I really need to – but it’s more fun to hang with friends
These aren’t friends, just people you’ve met at some point.
Uovote because I completely disagree. If I can lessen the expenses and have somebody enjoy traveling and see the world I’m down to help.
I see nothing wrong with asking but not accepting a “No. I’d rather not.” is tacky. One should also make it worthwhile for the friend especially if they’re saving you tons of money.
Upvote because of proper unpopularity.
It’s culturally pretty normal, even in the US, for people to feel out free options like family and friends. And in my experience, for some immigrant communities it’s almost insulting if you’re not asked to provide accommodation for a traveling cousin or family friend etc.
But damn OP you just sound like a big douche. Being able to afford something isn’t the same as thinking every expense is necessary. But here you are, being judgmental af when the worst way you’ve been inconvenienced is just that you’ve had to say “no.”
As others have said, I happily host anyone willing go stay in my suburb (instead of closer to our nearby city) because that’s one of the ways I feel comfortable caring for my loved ones. I want them to have that extra $150-300+ per day to save or to spend on experiences.
I’m sorry that you’ve landed on misanthropy for these matters.
I’m more interested about 5 degrees. How the hell did that happen, and how do they have the funds and time for that.
I’m not gonna ask someone I ament actually friends with if I can stay with them . But as a single woman if I’m traveling alone and my family or friends live in the city I’m going to I’m going to ask to stay nothing to do with finances but it just feels safer for someone to be expecting you back home
You’re a shitty friend.
I only go on vacations so I can see friends. I don’t house with them because I can’t afford a hotel room. I house with them because they are good friends, have offered on multiple occasions and because I want to spend time with them. I’d argue they’d probably be mad if I took a hotel room.
I also happily host them when they need it. Friends are kind, like that.
Did the Gujarati Patel community write this?
That’s why you ask your friend. They will decide whether to say yes or no. I don’t “keep score” with friends. I help them because they are my friend. Giving means expecting nothing in return.
My friends invite me to come stay. Maybe these are not friends just old acquaintances .
I’m from New Mexico, if I booked a hotel when I visit I’m going to offend one of my friends.
This is certainly unpopular. If I go to another city and a friend lives there I won’t even have time to ask about hotels in the area before they ask if i’m ok sleeping on their couch.
That’s what friends are for, if love to give my house to them for their vacation and catch up, but if we are not that close or they continue asking after saying no, yeah it’s kind of weird and uncomfortable
Don’t worry, you definitely are not their friend.
Guests and fish have something in common; they only stay fresh for three days.
I agree; I am happy to help them finding an accommodation, but my house is not a vacation home.
Maybe it’s not the same but my mom stays with me when she comes to visit! It’s not that she can’t afford it though, we just like the quality time. All my friends live by me, though I’d let them stay for a sleepover anyway if they wanted😂
Op sounds fun to hang with so not surprised all his/her friends want to stay with them when in town!
Many answers here seem to indicate that your opinion is indeed, unpopular. For the life of me, I can’t understand why.
“Tacky” is an understatement.
My sister and her husband have been in your shoes for decades. They have two grown sons, both of whom are married and have lived several hours away for many years. Even so, for decades they will breeze into town any time, sometimes unannounced, with wife & kids in tow. They will spend several days up to a couple of weeks at a crack. Then they are in and out, visiting friends, wife’s family, etc.
There has NEVER been help with housework, food, expenses… ever. The parents have always had limited means, and even though they have stayed afloat financially- they have often struggled. My sister’s health has deteriorated as she has aged over the decades, but the “kids” pay little attention. Unfortunately, the parents can’t say the word “NO.” I think it’s abusive, but it’s not my call.
My vacations mostly consist of visiting people (not visiting the place those people live at, the people themselves). I suspect these people would be quite put off if I suddenly went to a hotel instead. I suspect we have very different definitions of what we’d call friends, I would not consider the examples you’re listing friends, just acquaintances.
Free lodging is fine. Free rides/meals/cleanup service is not.
Part of it is the principle. I don’t like giving money to a big corporation if I don’t have to. I’d rather pay a friend a few bucks for the inconvenience of having me there. At the very least, I’ll treat them to a good meal at their preferred locally-owned restaurant. If there are a few reasonably priced family run motels, I would consider those also.
I have vacation home at a sea side and whenever friends or family wants to go there I offer them apartment for free. It doesn’t cost me anything.
If you’re reaching out begging for a couch to say on that’s definitely entitled. On the other hand I’ve had friends/family tell me “come stay with us some time” and when I reached out to them they were extremely excited because I was the first person to actually take them up on that offer.
If you dont want someone to stay with you while they visit then chances are they arent your friend or you kind of suck.