I (30F) have been dating my partner (34M) for three years. The only thing we ever fight about is astrology. I love astrology! I’ve studied astrologyfor years, read many books, attended many lectures, and have been a member of an artist-astrologer collective for 5 years. My boyfriend hates astrology and gets really tense anytime I bring it up. For the most part, I don’t. But every once in a while I might make an offhand comment like “woof, I can really feel that full moon this week” or “my computer crashed three times today. Mercury must be retrograde!” Just little jokes, nothing serious. But every time I do, I get this lecture about how astrology is stupid and made up and something people use to escape from reality and blah blah blah. I always tell him it’s super hurtful to hear those things, being someone who isn’t just casually interested but possesses quite a lot of knowledge and training in the subject. I’ve never offered to cast a chart for him, never tried to get him interested in astrology in any way. I have only ever asked him to just be respectful of my beliefs and practice and understand that it’s entirely for me and no one else.
Tonight during a conversation, I made another benign remark along the lines of “what a crazy synchronicity!” The next thing I know, we are in a full blown argument because somehow, by that one comment, I was attempting to “convert” him by trying to make him “believe in fate” and wanted to know what makes me so special that I can “manifest” whatever I want while the rest of the world suffers? Do wha???? So tell me, is there any chance of saving our relationship?
TL:dr: I love astrology and it hurts my feelings that my boyfriend is so dismissive of my interests. Should we break up?
Comments
Yeah. You are not compatible. You deserve someone who also appreciates or at the very least happily tolerates your interests and beliefs no matter what it is.
I’m trying to figure out how you lasted 3 years if its always been like this.
He doesn’t like you. What a harmless interest that he’s making a big deal out of. If this can’t be solved with conversation then you’re either going to have to change completely or move on.
He doesn’t respect it so unless he changes his mind things don’t look good. Is he religious?
Do I think astrology is silly? yep
Do I also think he’s being a dick about a completly harmless interest of yours? also yep.
I’m not going to tell you to leave him, but do you really want to be with someone who acts like a dick to you?
What is his spiritual belief? Tbh- spirituality isn’t always a deal breaker – but if this is how you’re being treated- it probably is. Unfortunately.
This is honestly such a ridiculous thing to be fighting over. If you’re only bringing up astrology now and then as a lighthearted joke, then his reaction is way over the top. Relationships are about compromise, and part of that is accepting small quirks or beliefs the other person holds, even if you don’t fully agree with them.
It sounds like your boyfriend clearly thinks astrology is stupid, but this isn’t really about astrology anymore. It’s about respect. He doesn’t have to believe in it, but he also shouldn’t get so emotional or angry every time you mention it. If he can’t even tolerate something harmless, that says more about his attitude toward you than your belief in astrology.
You should talk to him and let him know that you’re not asking him to agree with everything you believe, you just want him to respect it. He doesn’t need to think it’s “right,” but if he keeps reacting this strongly to small things, it’s only going to cause more unnecessary tension between you.
Two things: 1) your BF does sound overly dismissive. 2) Men are in general less interested in astrology, so maybe don’t expect too much of a mutual connection there.
Perhaps try not having idiotic interests?
A lot of people already spoke to you about your perspective and how you deserve to be with someone who respects your hobbies.
I will say it from his perspective — he deserves to be with someone who respects his beliefs.
He clearly told you that he thinks astrology is BS, doesn’t want to talk about it, and feels strongly that it’s a scam. And you keep bringing it up (even if it’s “casual jokes”). I can see how that pisses him off.
Either way it sounds like you’re incompatible. You deserve someone who will accept and love all of you, and he deserves the same.
Yeah look, you probably need to break up with him. Astrology is clearly a large part of your personality, and just as clearly it annoys the shit out of him.
There’s not really any fixing that without one of you compromising who you are.
It’d be the same if he was super into flat earth or whatever and made it a big part of his life; I’m sure you’d find that ridiculous and annoying.
I’d bring it up on first dates if I were you, being that into astrology is going to be a deal-breaker for a looooot of people, better to find out sooner than later.
What’s destroying your relationship is being with someone you’re not compatible with.
You should be able to speak freely with your partner. Is this relationship worth many years of either constantly censoring yourself or being lectured that your passion is stupid & basically so are you?
I’m someone who used to be more or less where your partner is – I’ve never been particularly religious or spiritual, and astrology was definitely something I struggled to understand. I slowly came around to a balanced viewpoint, and although I still recognise that it’s more or less impossible for astrology to be (quote unquote) ‘real’, it can still be a fun hobby that brings meaning and understanding to people’s lives. I now believe that it can be valuable for many people to find a way to tap into a deeper connection to the world and their own psyches – whether that’s astrology, tarot, traditional Chinese medicine, religion, or something else, spiritual focus is something that many people find brings them clarity and peace. And that’s largely a good thing.
Having said that, religious differences in relationships are often sadly insurmountable. It comes down to you and your partner’s shared reality – It can be difficult and uncomfortable to be told with conviction that your life is governed by something you feel strongly is irrelevant to you. You could try sitting down with him and starting with things you both agree to be true, such as ‘there are unanswered questions in science, such as consciousness’ or ‘spiritual beliefs fill a valuable human need alongside facts and truths’. Maybe from there you can come together and get to a point where you have enough of a mutual agreement on what is true and important that you can move forward together. Good luck!
I’m with the bf, it’s dumb nonsense, and I could never be with someone who believes that where the stars are in the sky affects people’s personalities.
You guys should definitely break up so he is free to find someone who doesn’t believe in nonsense.
He’s told you his feelings on Astrology (more facts than anything really), you know it annoys him to bring it up, then you bring it up anyway? You are purposefully annoying him to cause a fight. Why are you doing that?
If it’s a big part of your life and he thinks it’s made up rubbish (it is), then why are you together? Either you value astrology more or this relationship more, pick whichever you prefer and move on.
hes kinda right. if he was a flat earther, how would you view him?
It sounds like this a fundamental incompatibility between you two, and also he’s a disrespectful, condescending dick. Both can be true.
Yall arent compatible. At all.
Youre too old to be forcing this shit.
I like astrology, my parter really does not. I don’t often bring it up with him (even jokingly) just because I know it’s not something he’s interested in. he’s really into history, but I couldn’t care less about the dull podcasts he listens to which are discussing the failings of male leadership in WW2 for the 8000th time, so he doesn’t bring it up with me even jokingly because he knows I don’t care.
however. if one of us did mention our hobby to the other, we wouldn’t pick a fight or belittle the other – maybe some very gentle, fond teasing, but certainly nobody is gonna flip their lid about it.
in your case, your boyfriend could just roll his eyes fondly, ignore it and move on. that’s completely possible. if you love someone, you love all of them, even their little quirks that you don’t agree with. but he’s actively trying to convince you that your hobby is stupid and that you’re stupid for being interested in it. do you really want to be with someone like that?