At it again.

TL;DR: I sucked at the start of my relationship and caused a lot of arguments where I whole heartedly take the blame for, but when I try to defend myself and stand up against my boyfriends irrational behavior, I’m somehow still taking the blame and ending up the asshole. Do I just accept that I’m the only problem in our relationship or do I keep the hope that for once I know I’m not the problem and fight for that?

I (26F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been in such an odd postion for a while. At the start of our relationship I was really struggling mentally and with the security of our relationship. We’ve spent countless nights fighting over issues I’ve caused or my behavior would bring to light and he would essentially “call me out” for it. I’ve been in therapy trying to work through my issues and be better for our relationship for a year and a half now, and feel like I’ve made a ton of progress. From time to time he would behave a certain way causing fights and I guess I felt I needed to call him out because I’ve become tired taking the blame for any and all arguments. Well tonight, he starts talking in a certain tone and accusing me of cheating so I “called him out” saying this behavior is upsetting and treating him the way he would treat me in previous arguments, which has now led to him being mad saying I’m being overly defensive and trying to push the blame on me, and he is now sleeping on the couch. I guess I’m trying to understand how to deal with just taking the blame and not being stubborn whether the argument was my fault or not. I hate that I’ve tried to work so hard on myself and worked on not causing arguments, to only then still take the blame and became the a bad guy of a fight I didn’t start. This post is probably confusing but what is happening has me really conflicted and I feel like my previous history of being the problem has now allowed for any and all arguments to be my fault, even when I know they aren’t. I just want to know how to stand up for myself, without the repercussions of being labeled the bad guy.