for me it clicked when i realized i was constantly scared to disappoint them. like i couldn’t just do normal things without worrying how they’d react—texting friends, wearing something they didn’t like, having my own opinion. it wasn’t love, it was control dressed up as “care.”
they’d say it’s because they loved me, but it always came with guilt or silent treatment if i didn’t do what they wanted. that’s when i knew—love doesn’t make you feel small or scared. love doesn’t come with conditions.
It hit me in college when every red flag on the this is abuse board was checked off and my friend called him an asshole. At that point, he was wanting to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was with and didn’t want me doing this or that.
I was 21, and I asked if I could go on a weekend trip with some girlfriends. He didn’t say no, but he sulked for days, made passive-aggressive comments, and guilt-tripped me until I canceled.
That night, my dad called and asked how the trip went. I told him I didn’t go, and he just went quiet for a second. Then he said, “Love doesn’t keep you from being yourself. It protects that part of you.”
It hit me like a freight train. I thought love meant compromise, but I had slowly stopped being me to keep the peace. That was the night I started making my way out
Hmm. When he basically said that if we ever broken up, the next day “his body will be nowhere to be found”. Well, we’ve broken up since Sept 2023, and he’s recently attached again…. Hahaha so much gaslighting!
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for me it clicked when i realized i was constantly scared to disappoint them. like i couldn’t just do normal things without worrying how they’d react—texting friends, wearing something they didn’t like, having my own opinion. it wasn’t love, it was control dressed up as “care.”
they’d say it’s because they loved me, but it always came with guilt or silent treatment if i didn’t do what they wanted. that’s when i knew—love doesn’t make you feel small or scared. love doesn’t come with conditions.
It hit me in college when every red flag on the this is abuse board was checked off and my friend called him an asshole. At that point, he was wanting to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was with and didn’t want me doing this or that.
I was 21, and I asked if I could go on a weekend trip with some girlfriends. He didn’t say no, but he sulked for days, made passive-aggressive comments, and guilt-tripped me until I canceled.
That night, my dad called and asked how the trip went. I told him I didn’t go, and he just went quiet for a second. Then he said, “Love doesn’t keep you from being yourself. It protects that part of you.”
It hit me like a freight train. I thought love meant compromise, but I had slowly stopped being me to keep the peace. That was the night I started making my way out
Hmm. When he basically said that if we ever broken up, the next day “his body will be nowhere to be found”. Well, we’ve broken up since Sept 2023, and he’s recently attached again…. Hahaha so much gaslighting!