And by that, I mean, if he voluntarily gives up things or foregoes things, at what point is the limit legal, job, health, mental health, and so on?
At what point would you say you should break up because it’s better for your partner?
r/AskWomen
And by that, I mean, if he voluntarily gives up things or foregoes things, at what point is the limit legal, job, health, mental health, and so on?
Comments
I am confused. Are you saying breaking up with someone because you think it’s in their best interest to no longer date you?
I dont make decisions on other people’s behalf. I trust my partners judgement. So to break up with them because I think it is good for them is to condescend and take that agency away from them.
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My wife tried to do this, and holy shit it hurt. Like I was unable to make a choice for myself or something. But, she also caused some strain on my side of the family both from outbursts on my parents that are actively going through a divorce and when she separated for 2 months while I was going through a move and medical issues.
We are back together now and autonomy with choices is definitely something we have corrected.
Her making that choice has hurt me two ways, one when we were separated, and now that we are back it hurts to take someone back that hurt me like that (self respect, boundaries, and ego take a hit). It’ll make your relationship worse if you don’t genuinely want to leave and end up agreeing to come back.
When they are giving up too much just to be with you or turn into another person to be with you.
And then also when your watching his life go downhill because of you. I personally couldnt watch someone i loves life go downhill because of me.
If hes the right guy he’ll not have to do that! Everything will allign perfectly if hes right.
Successful relationships require compatibility. It’s not as much love that makes a romance work long term or not, its compatibility. I bounce as soon as I recognize incompatibility personally, I don‘t want to waste my time and my heart staying in something I know will hurt me.
To me that feels like saying that I know what’s best for him, better than he does, or he’s incapable of making his own decisions. I would never encourage him to give up his dreams for me. If he chose to stay and regretted that later, it would be unfortunate, but that’s the kind of decision we can’t make for others. I can’t protect someone from their own regret like that.
They’re an adult. They are capable of making their own decisions, including decisions about whether or not to stay in the relationship they’re in.
When you’re hurting them in some way and repeating it because you’re unwilling or unable to change. It’s the humane thing to do.
There came a moment when I knew I wasn’t the right person for my partner. He needed more attention than I could give. He tried to give me the space I need, but I knew he (rightfully) felt neglected, and that I didn’t have the emotional currency to give him what he needs and deserves. So we talked about it, and came to a mutual conclusion that our romantic relationship wasn’t meant to be. We have developed a deep understanding of each other and are very close friends.
I think if I’m not good enough for my partner and I want to be with them, I do better. If I’m not willing to do better for them even though they deserve more, then I don’t really love them. It’s pretty manipulative to pretend you’re doing what’s best for them when you want out because you don’t feel the same way. People who pull this move want to appear caring and self sacrificing so that the person they’re dumping still wants them.
If he’s giving up stuff like his job, goals, health or peace of mind just to stay with you and not in a healthy “we’re a team” way but more like he’s slowly losing himself. Then yeah, it’s time to step back. Love shouldn’t cost someone everything.