Yes is yes. Questions are questions. If they want to now what “blue” is then they don’t want to hear about “orange”.
A is A not a
They are valid and understand things better than allistics.
I’m not autistic, but try to communicate with him if they do something weird and you felt being offended, because usually they have their own reason or facing some problem on it. Don’t use any kind of insult and sarcasm, it will only make it worse.
Give him the explanations of the world that you were denied. Kid will have problems for the rest of his life and the first step teaching it coping mechanisms is explaining the world in its manner.
Be concrete with answers. When I was a kid, I was always so confused by metaphorical answers, and my literal thinking definitely didn’t help. I’m not a parent, but based off of my experience, I’d say that’s one of the most important things is to make sure your child can understand the meaning behind questions, answers, and instructions. :3
For god’s sake teach him how to talk to other people like a normal person. Actually coach him and give him lessons in it. He’ll have so much more of an easier time in school if he isn’t pedantic about phrases, doesn’t talk at people about his special interest, and doesn’t talk like a wizard in a fantasy book who says things like “indeed” instead of “yeah”.
Autistic adult raising a probably autistic kid here.
Take an interest in their interests.
Make sure they never feel weird or too much at home. Teach them that the ways they’re different make them special and you take joy in them and are proud of them no matter what.
Give them control wherever possible, even if only on small aspects of things e.g. should we leave now or in 2 minutes?
Give them plenty of unstructured time with no demands. They probably need more time to recharge than other kids.
Always tell them the reason WHY you do or request things and have a “no stupid questions” policy
Don’t have one. It’s a largely hereditary condition that no one should deal with. If you’re autistic, you are that much more likely to have a partner who is neurodiverse as well. These traits stack. I’m AuADHD, SO is ASD. Our kid is more severely afflicted than either of us. Not fair to the kid, not fair to the parents.
Assume if direct eye contact is made, they are talking about something that is seriously important for them, even if you don’t think it’s important yourself, listen to them
I didn’t find out I was autistic until my mid 30s.
My best piece of advice is to learn about the common ways that autistic people struggle/suffer, and to keep an eye out for signs. The signs are not always loud and obvious.
Because a child may not have the words to express what they’re struggling with, they might not even understand what’s happening or why no one else is seeming to be bothered like they are. They might not know they’re “allowed” to be struggling with a particular thing.
For instance, being in elementary school I was absolutely overwhelmed by the sensory hell of the classroom. Strange faces everywhere, everyone loud and socializing and happy, colors and noise and lights and new things every five minutes. I would try to retreat into my own mind to escape the room. I had no idea what was going on, I just felt like a weirdo. I had no way of expressing this weird internal experience to my parents. All they knew was I was a bit shy.
If my parents knew to look out for certain signs, they may have caught it. Being tired, trying to stay home sick sometimes from school, being sensitive when there’s too much noise because I was already overstimulated from the school day…
Just observe them closely and if you suspect they’re struggling with something, start asking some questions to try and get a clearer image.
Don’t ask “Do you want to…” if what you really mean is “You must do…” or “I will be hurt if you don’t…”
Don’t ask “What do you think of…” if you’re not ready for the answer to be “I don’t like it.”
Pain is pain. don’t question its validity, identify its source and fix it – even if fixing it annoys you. Pain is pain.
Say what you mean.
Talk with them, not about them. “Would you like to tell Mrs. X how it feels when the lights are too bright?”
Never take an AAC from them. (Unless you’d consent to someone removing your vocal cords, and only putting them back in when you behave yourself!)
Believe their words and try to understand, rather than shoehorning your own words in. They are putting in so much effort to understand you – you can do the same with far less effort comparatively.
Nonverbal is not stupid. Talk to nonverbal people and treat however they reply as conversational, candid and normal. Ask for clarity like a normal person.
Pressure only works if the person is actually capable of doing it. Babying a person will only make their life after you a living hell. Discomfort is good in moderation. The comfort zone exists for a reason. All of these things? True, at the same time.
You contain oxymorons. So do autistic people. If you notice it in them, it exists in you.
You stim. You have texture issues. You get overwhelmed. Remember all the times you felt like if you didn’t move your leg would fall asleep? That one food you ate that was absolutely disgusting? That time you had to hide in a bathroom because you were sick of having to yell over everyone? Autistics live that 24/7, for the sake of living in your world with you.
Whats funny is all of this is advice for autistic PEOPLE, not autistic children specifically. For children, crank all of this up to 11. Life is hard when you’re small.
Ask specific questions. I can’t ask my kiddo if she is hurting. (We struggle wirh chronic pain.) she will say no. But if I say, “what pain level are your legs today?” She will answer. Find a pain chart online that verbally explains what every number means. (They exist) Print it off. Use it. Laminate it and carry it places. (Meltdowns in the ER bc you can’t pick an arbitrary number and face isn’t fun.) When we go to camp we explain you have to go body part by body part.
When you get mad at something they say…stop and ask yourself what they are trying to say. The odds are my child isn’t trying to be rude but it came out that way bc she struggled with how to phrase it. Find the meat of the issue and work from there.
Even if you can’t stand their “thing”…listen about it. Learn about it. Support them in it.
Calendars on the wall you keep updated help a lot bc it helps them with transitions and knowing what is expected of them.
Chore charts (stickers not needed but just a chart) so they know what is expected every day.
Give them control but realize they can’t control everything. Mine got to the point we were having melt downs over clothes bc she had a specific outfit that had to be worn every day. I finally had to throw all of her clothes away and give her arbitrary clothing to reset it bc she wouldn’t let us buy new shirts when the old ones were falling apart. I tried and tried taking her shopping and it ended badly every time. For awhile I kept her clothing in my room and picked out her clothes each day until she readjusted. (This was done in working closely with her therapist.)
Always ask why. For awhile when my kiddo was 4 she wanted short hair and kept saying she was a boy. We let it go. She was four. Finally after awhile I finally asked why she wanted to be a boy. The answer: she liked superhero’s and legos. Both, at that time, were strongly geared to boys so the obvious answer was she needed to be a boy to play with them. I now have a 15 yo girl who builds spiderman Lego sets lol. The first time she found girl avenger panties in the store (5 or 6 yo)…she cried screaming they made them just for her. Then came superhero high and Lego sets for girls with super heroes came out! It was a true turning point in her life. As for the hair lol. We cut it off. She was just tired of caring for long hair bc it would get in her food and well…daddy’s hair doesn’t get in his food rofl. Logic. She got a short haircut. I’m really confused on her hair situation now. It’s down to her butt. She talks about wanting it short but when I offer to take her to get it cut she refuses. I’m sure she has a logic behind it but it is what it is lol. So why is always a big question in our house.
Prepare them for MD appts. If you suspect there might be a blood draw we have to let the kiddos know or else they aren’t prepared and it can cause a melt down. Every kid is different. But that’s our issues.
I always keep some kind of something sensory on me. I have sensory stickers I keep in my planner. Stick it inside. My planner is always on me so they can always use that. My youngest prefers full ear covering headphones. My oldest prefers the foaming that go in the ear.
Give them grace.
Most importantly…and I can’t say this enough…right when you’re about to lose it…take a step back. Are you about to have a melt down or is the issue them? I fully admit that it’s split between us where I’m overwhelmed and need to remove myself and it being them. And sometimes I melt down in front of them and yell at them. But I always take accountability and apologize. Thankfully they understand. It doesn’t make it right. Me melting down on them is never right and never ok. (I don’t hit them. Just yell and cry.) I always apologize and tell them what steps I will take to help prevent it in the future and over time I’ve gotten a lot better. So grace. Grace for them and grace for yourself.
Resources. Find them use them. Don’t downplay things when you are asked questions for those resources. Getting help in the home was the best thing possible. Don’t think “someone deserves it more”. They may. And if they do the resource program will give it to them first. Don’t be that person. Love yourself enough to accept the help! Our aide helps cook, clean, take care of laundry, plays games, monitors computer time, allows me to go grocery shopping without two older kids trying to touch and grab everything and run off. Get the help. Apply. The most they can say is no.
Make sure you are actually asking/telling what you want to ask/tell, and not inferring, implying, or assuming.
“The garbage needs to go out” is NOT a request for your autistic kid to take out the garbage, it is a statement of information. If you want them to take the garbage out, actually tell them to take they garbage out (“Hey Riley, take the kitchen garbage out and put it in the big bin”).
Never assume that they’ll ‘just know’ to do something else when you ask them to do one thing (eg, asking them to take out the kitchen garbage is NOT asking them to also take out the recycling, or the bin in the bathroom).
Never ever use the phrase ‘you know what I mean!!’. No, we don’t, we take what you say at face value, we don’t reinterpret it after you say it.
Black is black, blue is blue, green is green. Don’t ask your kid to ‘get the black towel from the shelf’ if it’s actually blue, those are two different things. Your kid will see the blue towel, know it’s not what you want, and keep looking for the black towel. Similarly, if they ask you to buy the black school bag, don’t buy the blue one because ‘it’s basically the same’, it is not.
Say what you mean and be honest about it all. Your kid trusts that what you say is The Truth, and will believe what you tell them is correct. Don’t lie, don’t BS, they will believe you tell them, and when they find out you’re lying, it’ll destroy their trust in you.
Patience. Find a support group of other parents to share ideas and advice, but also be wary of “my child is my hero and being an autism mom is now my personality ” kind of mums. (You all know the ones)
Please don’t try to compare your child to anyone else’s – sure, some milestones might not be met, and others will happen at different times than the average child.
also never realised how good routines were until mine got out of whack tbh
My parents still think I’m gonna be a doctor or a lawyer someday. My advice, don’t do that. If I can hold a job and live independently that’ll be a miracle.
My son is Audhd and can really overwhelm me in stressful situations.
As an example, today we were in town (after school) to run errands. My son became really boistrous with his sister (trying to do trust falls in the middle of a shop). I told them to stop and could feel myself starting to panic. We couldn’t leave the shop because I was waiting to talk to a Pharmacist about a new medication.
I spoke to my son quietly and told him I was overwhelmed and feeling ‘panicky’ he instantly stopped and seemed to understand that I needed him to cooperate with me. He was helpful after I shared how I was feeling and even made the pizza when we got home!
I don’t know if it’s the same with others but in many ways I treat my son as an equal and understand that respect goes both ways. He thrives on ‘input’ as I call it, constantly asking questions but quickly changing to the next topic!
Let them (do what ever) – without the commentary of trying to advise based off personal experience because it will give them anxiety! Give them feedback & advice after they have done the thing
From someone who wasn’t diagnosed at all in their childhood and is now that I am an adult – (from a low needs aspergers adult)
teach them social cues. “You call the waiter. You say your order. They might or might not repeat it. Then they go. After you are done eating, you pay the bill. You give a tip.” Something like this.
2)you can push their interests around subtly if you want them to be more into academia. I was into pokemon in my childhood. I could name probably 500-600 pokemon back in the day. My interests slowly shifted from pokemon to physics as I grew up.
3)tell them the reason of your decision and rules. Please donot leave them hanging, otherwise they are gonna rebel. “You cannot use the iPad for more than 3 hrs a day. It’s because you are young and it’s rotting your brain and lowering your attention span. It’s not because ‘its a bad thing’ but because it’s a ‘bad thing’ for your age”, instead of just saying “no”. For the former, they will accept it. For the later, they will think it’s unfair.
Be clear and precise with your instructions. I’m AuDHD and it took forever to realize when my mom asked me to clean the kitchen counters she also meant to wash the dishes. To me those are two separate tasks.
Understand when they ask why they should do something a certain way they’re not being churlish, they genuinely want to know why it’s done like that. Telling a kid to put the meat on the bottom shelf of the fridge when to them the whole fridge is the same temperature and it shouldn’t matter leads to them just putting it wherever – saying We put meat on the bottom shelf of the fridge because if it leaks it won’t contaminate other foods makes it make sense to them and it’s more likely they’ll do it.
Give them grace but also teach them societal expectations. It’s okay to be weird to a point but children are cruel, teach them about the realities of social interactions so they don’t always have to learn the hard way.
Don’t get angry at the child for asking questions. They may seem ridiculous or weird or annoying to neurotypical but answers to such questions in a polite and encourage way is what helps us understand the world around us better.
Put them in a proprioceptive sport. Gymnastics, climbing, martial arts. If they absolutely can’t manage the social group aspect, or get overstimulated, get a private coach. If that’s too hard, occupational therapy. (Yes I know all of those are very expensive.)
Developing proprioception & hand/eye co ordination is much easier when the brain is young and sticky, and it can be a great outlet for stimming. It won’t be as easy as putting a neurotypical kid on a soccer team! I immediately dropped out of team sports, but went on to do gymnastics, archery, rock climbing, and swimming. One of my friends tripped over a bench in gym class and shattered his elbow. We get brushed off as being “clumsy”, but it can be really limiting later in life if we don’t get to develop those physical skills young.
Be specific with instructions & warnings. For example saying “be careful it’s hot” is not enough information. Do they need a pot holder? Are you saying don’t touch it?
If you realize what you said is still confusing them, try not to get mad, just find another way to explain it.
Work on their diet when they’re young. We tend to struggle with an eating disorder called ARFID, which many wrongly refer to as “picky eating” please try to introduce them to a wide array of flavors and textures while they’re still young. Don’t force them to eat anything they clearly don’t want or like. Leave out plates of cut up veggies at eye level/easy access places without telling them to eat it and let them graze
If you can’t get them to eat veggies, invest in a blender and completely blend up veggies and hide them in foods or get supplement powders online
Again, never force them to eat things they clearly don’t like as it can make us more restrictive with our diet and we may never eat that food again. Safe foods are important to us. We will starve if we don’t have access to a safe food. “They’ll eat if they’re hungry” does not and will not ever apply to a person with ARFID
For example, I developed anorexia and was nearly hospitalized due to my parents refusing to buy me safe foods so I was surviving off of a pack of fruit snacks and a sprite a day cause its all I could stomach
Comments
Yes is yes. Questions are questions. If they want to now what “blue” is then they don’t want to hear about “orange”.
A is A not a
They are valid and understand things better than allistics.
I’m not autistic, but try to communicate with him if they do something weird and you felt being offended, because usually they have their own reason or facing some problem on it. Don’t use any kind of insult and sarcasm, it will only make it worse.
I always found time containers helpful rather than jumping from task to task immediately.
You spelled acoustic wrong
Give him the explanations of the world that you were denied. Kid will have problems for the rest of his life and the first step teaching it coping mechanisms is explaining the world in its manner.
Be concrete with answers. When I was a kid, I was always so confused by metaphorical answers, and my literal thinking definitely didn’t help. I’m not a parent, but based off of my experience, I’d say that’s one of the most important things is to make sure your child can understand the meaning behind questions, answers, and instructions. :3
It is very dependent on their individual collection of difficulties
I work with complex behaviours in kids in Adelaide
For god’s sake teach him how to talk to other people like a normal person. Actually coach him and give him lessons in it. He’ll have so much more of an easier time in school if he isn’t pedantic about phrases, doesn’t talk at people about his special interest, and doesn’t talk like a wizard in a fantasy book who says things like “indeed” instead of “yeah”.
Autistic adult raising a probably autistic kid here.
Don’t have one. It’s a largely hereditary condition that no one should deal with. If you’re autistic, you are that much more likely to have a partner who is neurodiverse as well. These traits stack. I’m AuADHD, SO is ASD. Our kid is more severely afflicted than either of us. Not fair to the kid, not fair to the parents.
Don’t talk about them like they aren’t in the room, even if you don’t think they’re listening.
(i have not autism, but i know a lot of autistic people and i am also neurodivergend)
explain a lot, especially when you explain rules (and they probably like rules, if they make sense)
they like structure and schedules – plan a lot ahead and remind them what will happen
don’t force them to do activities that overwhelme them – but try to find out what exactly overwhelmes them and try to work on that
don’t overcuddle them – yes they need some extra help, but they are very capable of doing almost everything, but not when they never need to try
Assume if direct eye contact is made, they are talking about something that is seriously important for them, even if you don’t think it’s important yourself, listen to them
Remember to always put your child’s happiness above “what others will think” if your kid is doing something weird-but-harmless in public.
I didn’t find out I was autistic until my mid 30s.
My best piece of advice is to learn about the common ways that autistic people struggle/suffer, and to keep an eye out for signs. The signs are not always loud and obvious.
Because a child may not have the words to express what they’re struggling with, they might not even understand what’s happening or why no one else is seeming to be bothered like they are. They might not know they’re “allowed” to be struggling with a particular thing.
For instance, being in elementary school I was absolutely overwhelmed by the sensory hell of the classroom. Strange faces everywhere, everyone loud and socializing and happy, colors and noise and lights and new things every five minutes. I would try to retreat into my own mind to escape the room. I had no idea what was going on, I just felt like a weirdo. I had no way of expressing this weird internal experience to my parents. All they knew was I was a bit shy.
If my parents knew to look out for certain signs, they may have caught it. Being tired, trying to stay home sick sometimes from school, being sensitive when there’s too much noise because I was already overstimulated from the school day…
Just observe them closely and if you suspect they’re struggling with something, start asking some questions to try and get a clearer image.
Do not expect them to reach milestones in order or time.
Don’t ask “Do you want to…” if what you really mean is “You must do…” or “I will be hurt if you don’t…”
Don’t ask “What do you think of…” if you’re not ready for the answer to be “I don’t like it.”
Pain is pain. don’t question its validity, identify its source and fix it – even if fixing it annoys you. Pain is pain.
Say what you mean.
Talk with them, not about them. “Would you like to tell Mrs. X how it feels when the lights are too bright?”
Never take an AAC from them. (Unless you’d consent to someone removing your vocal cords, and only putting them back in when you behave yourself!)
Believe their words and try to understand, rather than shoehorning your own words in. They are putting in so much effort to understand you – you can do the same with far less effort comparatively.
Nonverbal is not stupid. Talk to nonverbal people and treat however they reply as conversational, candid and normal. Ask for clarity like a normal person.
Pressure only works if the person is actually capable of doing it. Babying a person will only make their life after you a living hell. Discomfort is good in moderation. The comfort zone exists for a reason. All of these things? True, at the same time.
You contain oxymorons. So do autistic people. If you notice it in them, it exists in you.
You stim. You have texture issues. You get overwhelmed. Remember all the times you felt like if you didn’t move your leg would fall asleep? That one food you ate that was absolutely disgusting? That time you had to hide in a bathroom because you were sick of having to yell over everyone? Autistics live that 24/7, for the sake of living in your world with you.
Whats funny is all of this is advice for autistic PEOPLE, not autistic children specifically. For children, crank all of this up to 11. Life is hard when you’re small.
So my biggest point of all is:
BE KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
find a way to effectively communicate with your child
block and tackle
Love them for who they are, not who you wish they were
Emphasise their strengths and don’t make too big a deal of their weaknesses.
Plenty of time and reduced demand.
Lots of sleep.
And most importantly: as much autonomy and control over their lives as possible
Routines, clear and explicit communication, boundaries, and get them engaged in normal everyday activities.
Don’t live in the US
Ask specific questions. I can’t ask my kiddo if she is hurting. (We struggle wirh chronic pain.) she will say no. But if I say, “what pain level are your legs today?” She will answer. Find a pain chart online that verbally explains what every number means. (They exist) Print it off. Use it. Laminate it and carry it places. (Meltdowns in the ER bc you can’t pick an arbitrary number and face isn’t fun.) When we go to camp we explain you have to go body part by body part.
When you get mad at something they say…stop and ask yourself what they are trying to say. The odds are my child isn’t trying to be rude but it came out that way bc she struggled with how to phrase it. Find the meat of the issue and work from there.
Even if you can’t stand their “thing”…listen about it. Learn about it. Support them in it.
Calendars on the wall you keep updated help a lot bc it helps them with transitions and knowing what is expected of them.
Chore charts (stickers not needed but just a chart) so they know what is expected every day.
Give them control but realize they can’t control everything. Mine got to the point we were having melt downs over clothes bc she had a specific outfit that had to be worn every day. I finally had to throw all of her clothes away and give her arbitrary clothing to reset it bc she wouldn’t let us buy new shirts when the old ones were falling apart. I tried and tried taking her shopping and it ended badly every time. For awhile I kept her clothing in my room and picked out her clothes each day until she readjusted. (This was done in working closely with her therapist.)
Always ask why. For awhile when my kiddo was 4 she wanted short hair and kept saying she was a boy. We let it go. She was four. Finally after awhile I finally asked why she wanted to be a boy. The answer: she liked superhero’s and legos. Both, at that time, were strongly geared to boys so the obvious answer was she needed to be a boy to play with them. I now have a 15 yo girl who builds spiderman Lego sets lol. The first time she found girl avenger panties in the store (5 or 6 yo)…she cried screaming they made them just for her. Then came superhero high and Lego sets for girls with super heroes came out! It was a true turning point in her life. As for the hair lol. We cut it off. She was just tired of caring for long hair bc it would get in her food and well…daddy’s hair doesn’t get in his food rofl. Logic. She got a short haircut. I’m really confused on her hair situation now. It’s down to her butt. She talks about wanting it short but when I offer to take her to get it cut she refuses. I’m sure she has a logic behind it but it is what it is lol. So why is always a big question in our house.
Prepare them for MD appts. If you suspect there might be a blood draw we have to let the kiddos know or else they aren’t prepared and it can cause a melt down. Every kid is different. But that’s our issues.
I always keep some kind of something sensory on me. I have sensory stickers I keep in my planner. Stick it inside. My planner is always on me so they can always use that. My youngest prefers full ear covering headphones. My oldest prefers the foaming that go in the ear.
Give them grace.
Most importantly…and I can’t say this enough…right when you’re about to lose it…take a step back. Are you about to have a melt down or is the issue them? I fully admit that it’s split between us where I’m overwhelmed and need to remove myself and it being them. And sometimes I melt down in front of them and yell at them. But I always take accountability and apologize. Thankfully they understand. It doesn’t make it right. Me melting down on them is never right and never ok. (I don’t hit them. Just yell and cry.) I always apologize and tell them what steps I will take to help prevent it in the future and over time I’ve gotten a lot better. So grace. Grace for them and grace for yourself.
Resources. Find them use them. Don’t downplay things when you are asked questions for those resources. Getting help in the home was the best thing possible. Don’t think “someone deserves it more”. They may. And if they do the resource program will give it to them first. Don’t be that person. Love yourself enough to accept the help! Our aide helps cook, clean, take care of laundry, plays games, monitors computer time, allows me to go grocery shopping without two older kids trying to touch and grab everything and run off. Get the help. Apply. The most they can say is no.
Make sure you are actually asking/telling what you want to ask/tell, and not inferring, implying, or assuming.
“The garbage needs to go out” is NOT a request for your autistic kid to take out the garbage, it is a statement of information. If you want them to take the garbage out, actually tell them to take they garbage out (“Hey Riley, take the kitchen garbage out and put it in the big bin”).
Never assume that they’ll ‘just know’ to do something else when you ask them to do one thing (eg, asking them to take out the kitchen garbage is NOT asking them to also take out the recycling, or the bin in the bathroom).
Never ever use the phrase ‘you know what I mean!!’. No, we don’t, we take what you say at face value, we don’t reinterpret it after you say it.
Black is black, blue is blue, green is green. Don’t ask your kid to ‘get the black towel from the shelf’ if it’s actually blue, those are two different things. Your kid will see the blue towel, know it’s not what you want, and keep looking for the black towel. Similarly, if they ask you to buy the black school bag, don’t buy the blue one because ‘it’s basically the same’, it is not.
Say what you mean and be honest about it all. Your kid trusts that what you say is The Truth, and will believe what you tell them is correct. Don’t lie, don’t BS, they will believe you tell them, and when they find out you’re lying, it’ll destroy their trust in you.
Assure them that their boundaries are valid
Patience. Find a support group of other parents to share ideas and advice, but also be wary of “my child is my hero and being an autism mom is now my personality ” kind of mums. (You all know the ones)
Please don’t try to compare your child to anyone else’s – sure, some milestones might not be met, and others will happen at different times than the average child.
also never realised how good routines were until mine got out of whack tbh
Depends on how far they are on the spectrum.
Have patience; let them know it’s okay to be different; listen to what they are communicating to you, not how are they communicating.
My parents still think I’m gonna be a doctor or a lawyer someday. My advice, don’t do that. If I can hold a job and live independently that’ll be a miracle.
Let them know when you are overwhelmed.
My son is Audhd and can really overwhelm me in stressful situations.
As an example, today we were in town (after school) to run errands. My son became really boistrous with his sister (trying to do trust falls in the middle of a shop). I told them to stop and could feel myself starting to panic. We couldn’t leave the shop because I was waiting to talk to a Pharmacist about a new medication.
I spoke to my son quietly and told him I was overwhelmed and feeling ‘panicky’ he instantly stopped and seemed to understand that I needed him to cooperate with me. He was helpful after I shared how I was feeling and even made the pizza when we got home!
I don’t know if it’s the same with others but in many ways I treat my son as an equal and understand that respect goes both ways. He thrives on ‘input’ as I call it, constantly asking questions but quickly changing to the next topic!
Let them (do what ever) – without the commentary of trying to advise based off personal experience because it will give them anxiety! Give them feedback & advice after they have done the thing
Make sure they know it isn’t a crutch. Everyone gets dealt a different hand in life and folding is not an option.
>Do NOT coddle them.
>DO teach them chores as early as possible.
>>But age-appropiate chores.
>Do encourage their specific interests.
From someone who wasn’t diagnosed at all in their childhood and is now that I am an adult – (from a low needs aspergers adult)
2)you can push their interests around subtly if you want them to be more into academia. I was into pokemon in my childhood. I could name probably 500-600 pokemon back in the day. My interests slowly shifted from pokemon to physics as I grew up.
3)tell them the reason of your decision and rules. Please donot leave them hanging, otherwise they are gonna rebel. “You cannot use the iPad for more than 3 hrs a day. It’s because you are young and it’s rotting your brain and lowering your attention span. It’s not because ‘its a bad thing’ but because it’s a ‘bad thing’ for your age”, instead of just saying “no”. For the former, they will accept it. For the later, they will think it’s unfair.
Be clear and precise with your instructions. I’m AuDHD and it took forever to realize when my mom asked me to clean the kitchen counters she also meant to wash the dishes. To me those are two separate tasks.
Understand when they ask why they should do something a certain way they’re not being churlish, they genuinely want to know why it’s done like that. Telling a kid to put the meat on the bottom shelf of the fridge when to them the whole fridge is the same temperature and it shouldn’t matter leads to them just putting it wherever – saying We put meat on the bottom shelf of the fridge because if it leaks it won’t contaminate other foods makes it make sense to them and it’s more likely they’ll do it.
Give them grace but also teach them societal expectations. It’s okay to be weird to a point but children are cruel, teach them about the realities of social interactions so they don’t always have to learn the hard way.
Self-Care.
Don’t get angry at the child for asking questions. They may seem ridiculous or weird or annoying to neurotypical but answers to such questions in a polite and encourage way is what helps us understand the world around us better.
Put them in a proprioceptive sport. Gymnastics, climbing, martial arts. If they absolutely can’t manage the social group aspect, or get overstimulated, get a private coach. If that’s too hard, occupational therapy. (Yes I know all of those are very expensive.)
Developing proprioception & hand/eye co ordination is much easier when the brain is young and sticky, and it can be a great outlet for stimming. It won’t be as easy as putting a neurotypical kid on a soccer team! I immediately dropped out of team sports, but went on to do gymnastics, archery, rock climbing, and swimming. One of my friends tripped over a bench in gym class and shattered his elbow. We get brushed off as being “clumsy”, but it can be really limiting later in life if we don’t get to develop those physical skills young.
Be specific with instructions & warnings. For example saying “be careful it’s hot” is not enough information. Do they need a pot holder? Are you saying don’t touch it?
If you realize what you said is still confusing them, try not to get mad, just find another way to explain it.
Work on their diet when they’re young. We tend to struggle with an eating disorder called ARFID, which many wrongly refer to as “picky eating” please try to introduce them to a wide array of flavors and textures while they’re still young. Don’t force them to eat anything they clearly don’t want or like. Leave out plates of cut up veggies at eye level/easy access places without telling them to eat it and let them graze
If you can’t get them to eat veggies, invest in a blender and completely blend up veggies and hide them in foods or get supplement powders online
Again, never force them to eat things they clearly don’t like as it can make us more restrictive with our diet and we may never eat that food again. Safe foods are important to us. We will starve if we don’t have access to a safe food. “They’ll eat if they’re hungry” does not and will not ever apply to a person with ARFID
For example, I developed anorexia and was nearly hospitalized due to my parents refusing to buy me safe foods so I was surviving off of a pack of fruit snacks and a sprite a day cause its all I could stomach