i’m 21M and my gf is 20F. we have been dating for 2 months officially and been together about 4 months unofficially. i have adhd and tend to go on “auto-pilot” a lot.
to start off, i am in no way, shape, or form blaming my actions on adhd. i hold myself accountable.
auto pilot is essentially when your brain takes a backseat and lets your body do the work. for example, whenever i have to go to school, i remember going to my car, starting it up, leaving my driveway, and all of a sudden im parking at my school’s garage. i have no recollection of that drive. at night, i scroll through instagram and tiktok and unless its super funny or memorable, i never remember them and end up falling asleep with my phone in my hand (this is important). it’s been happening ever since i was a kid for mundane tasks and just grew over time into my adulthood.
my girlfriend has told me she doesn’t like when i like half naked posts of girls on instagram and so i removed every girl i followed that i didn’t know personally. i thought that was the end of that. about a week ago, she saw me in the likes of one of my friends who posted a bikini picture and two other girls i used to be friends with as well.
the thing is, i don’t even remember the posts themselves let alone liking them. i told her that my actions were completely thoughtless and there was genuinely no deeper meaning behind it. she told me that i clearly liked what i saw and so i “liked” what i saw. there has been constant fighting and apologizing since.
i have never had my eyes wander or even thought about other girls ever since i met her. every other female became a blur in my head since that first time i saw her smile on our first date. that is my absolute truth.
i hate that i broke her trust in me. i hate that i hurt my precious girl. i unfollowed every girl besides family on my insta to try to make her feel more secure with me because i truly truly put her above everyone. i told her i had no thoughts in my head when liking those posts because i don’t even REMEMBER those posts to begin with and she said if i loved her i SHOULD’VE had a thought and she is completely right.
i hate myself for being so careless. i hate myself for constantly zoning out and not even remembering half of my actions. every time im with her i remember everything and love our time together but alone, scrolling through insta and tiktok is when my brain fades away and just lets my body take over.
she also has trust issues from her previous relationship because her ex did the same and she did admit that he and i had diff approaches. he would tell her “oh but she’s my best friends, etc” while i would just keep trying to reassure her through my words and actions because i genuinely put her above everyone. she became my best friend in such a short amount of time and there is such a strong connection between us.
i am sad to say that i think our relationship now has an expiration date. she even mentioned how she doesn’t forget and would see a tiktok relating to this situation and gets angry again. i am not too sure what more i can say or do to help my case in this. all i can say is that whatever happens, i can at least tell myself that i genuinely had no eyes, thoughts, or desires for anyone but her.
is there anything i can do to fix this ?
tldr: i have adhd and go on “autopilot” a lot. i liked pics of my friends who were in bikinis and don’t even remember those posts to begin with. my gf saw and we may be breaking up very soon. can i save my relationship ?