Banned mil from my house / seeing baby

Hi everyone! Long time lurker and sometimes commenter. I want to share my experience with my justnomil. About 6 weeks ago I banned my mil from my home / seeing my baby.

Our issues started with mil long before that though. Before I married my husband 5 years ago- he warned me about his family particularly his mother. When she found out about me- it was obvious she didn’t like me. Over the years she’s come to accept (kinda) that we got married but still makes backhanded, passive aggressive comments about our decisions as a couple. She’s a classic n- and will freak out if she can’t control those around her. My husband never encouraged a close relationship with her- because he knows what she is, and he’s definitely not a mama’s boy (thank god) the most we did was visit them about 1-2 times a month. They always put on a mask and are never themselves. Always felt like I was walking on eggshells. For the first 4-5 months of our marriage we did live with them while my husband finished school (it was ok to say the least, but we decided to move out when he found a job and we just wanted our privacy.) This entire time I’ve been nothing but respectful to her- and always encouraging my husband to visit his family despite him not wanting to go each time.

His issues with his parents were present long before we got married due to some abusive he was subjected to and a controlling mother and passive father who always covered for her.

Fast forward to last year when we bought a house and soon after I got pregnant with our first child. In-laws were thrilled when they heard the news about the baby – or so it seemed. When I was newly pregnant she would text me saying don’t work out, and try to tell me what to do. I didn’t listen to her and worked out my entire pregnancy. My mil did express that she wasn’t happy we bought a home closer to my mother and hinted that I control my husband- to which my husband shut her down immediately . He didn’t want to live near this parents and since we jointly own the house- we made the decision that was best for us. I also put the $ down payment so it’s MY house legally and financially. Mil doesn’t understand this because she doesn’t respect her adult son and constantly infantilizes him- which is the crux of his issue with his mother.

A few months after- my husband began having a conflict with his sister that’s been brewing for years but finally came to a head- and my mil took her side despite her being wrong- my husband established a boundary saying he was going NC with his sisters and that angered their parents- for years he’s been distancing himself from his siblings because of how toxic they are and their choices. The conflict is complex and had nothing to do with me but mil began blaming me to my husband.

While I was pregnant , he had several arguments with his parents over his stance, them not respecting his boundaries or him as a man or husband. Bc she couldn’t get to him or manipulate him- mil would passively aggressively text me indirect questions or comments to find out info and try to get a rise out of my husband. Everytime she would do this- my husband would get into an argument with her telling her to not text me about their issues saying I was pregnant and didn’t need additional stress (I was also a high risk). I would avoid arguing with her bc I was pregnant and stress wasn’t good for me- I would respond cordially (despite knowing her true intentions). At one point – she banned us from her house when i was 5-8 months pregnant and we were NC with her that entire time. Classic manipulation tactic to get her son to cower to her- but he didn’t give in and we enjoyed the quiet.

When I was 7-8 months pregnant – she contacted my husband and slithered her way back in- and he began talking to his parents hoping they would improve their behavior for their new grandchild. She never apologized for her behavior- and the matter was swept under the rug. My husband was still avoiding his sister though- but mil didn’t bring it up.

So I go to have the baby early bc of preeclampsia , and mil shows up at the hospital while I’m in labor (my husband told her previously I didn’t want visitors) but in laws show up anyway. I regret not turning them away- but I was in a state of being induced for over 2 days, no sleep and just wanted the ordeal to be over. I couldn’t focus on anything else bc I was in so much pain. So we let mil in and she sat in my room with my mom while I was having contractions from the pictocin. I was feeling self conscious but didn’t have the courage at the time to tell her to leave. I don’t blame my husband for this bc I told him it was ok she can come in. I now realize I was in an extremely vulnerable state and my husband even later told me he regretted just not turning her away and asking me. She left when I was about to push, but came back after to see baby. The next day I didn’t bring it up, and they showed up again to see the baby but this time with the sister. My husband barely acknowledged his sister but we also didn’t say anything about them just showing up. While his sister and mil were in the room, I was trying to breastfeed my baby and I was exposed. They left after an hour and didn’t come back until we were home. I was in the hospital for 5 days bc I also had to have a mag drip.

When we got home- his parents came over and they seemed normal and didn’t overstep too much besides some comments about our choices as parents like supplementing with formula bc if jaundice and while my milk came in. Some of her comments did make me feel like I was treated like a surrogate. Their visits were short and they didn’t overstay their visit besides mil wanting to hold baby entire time she was there. But I would take the baby away for feedings. It bothered me that she wanted to hold the baby the entire time, but I also felt bad because her other daughter had gone NC with her and wasn’t allowing her mom to see her kids. (Mil has a history of boundary stepping with her other daughter and grandkids) I was also still recovering- and the hormones were really messing with me and i was severely sleepy deprived and my baby would cry every time he was put in the bassinet.

My husband also didn’t allow his sister to visit, at the time she was living with her parents and they would ask if they can also bring her- which annoyed him bc they were acting like the conflict was over when it wasn’t) we never brought the baby over to their house for this reason (bc sister was living with them, and they live 45 min away and it’s summer)

Fast forward to me being 5 weeks pp- mil texts me after I sent her baby pic saying that I was the one keeping my husband away (they visit 1-2 times weekly lol) and began comparing how many times my family saw the baby vs hers and was bringing up my mother saying my mom wants to keep us all to herself (not true). I calmly told mil to talk to her son, and that I had nothing to do with their issues. She backed off – or so it seemed.

3 weeks later, I text mil a pic of baby in a swing in my moms house bc I usually text her new things the baby is doing and this is where shit hit the fan. At first she was normal then asked where he was- I said my moms house and then she began with the comparisons again and began insulting me, my mother, asking me why the baby hasn’t been to their house yet, saying I control my husband, that I forced my husband to move to the area of town we wanted, accused me of all kinds of crazy things, blamed me for sibling conflict lol, began threatening me to dig up dirt on me – all kinds of crazy unhinged shit. All the while she was insulting me and she talking about her and fils rights as grandparents lol. All of this angered me and I began arguing with her over text.

I also called my husband and told him what was happening and he texted her asking her why she’s attacking me and to stop. So we’re both arguing with her . She was calling me names to my husband and tried to turn him against me by making up lies. I ended my argument with her by telling her all the things she did to overstep my boundaries and that she treats me like an incubator (I could go on and on about this), and that she was banned from my home and to stay away from me and my child.

She went and complained to my husband. He backed me up and they kept arguing. She tried to turn him against me, and saying she had info on me that he didn’t know about. He laughed her off and in the end was just sending her some emojis to her walls of texts until she stopped texting.

She was also mad that I called the home that we bought together “my house” even though my name is on the deed and couldn’t believe that I would argue back with her. She also said I have no shame bc my boobs breastfeeding were out when she visited in the hospital and that I didn’t have the decency to cover for her. My husband, knowing the nar she is, totally backed me and told her “what did you expect when you attack someone like that”.

3 days later the fil texted me talking about their rights as grandparents that I can’t ban them from their SON’S (LOL) house or from seeing baby but also said I was banned from THEIR house until I “came to my senses and apologized to them” LOL. My husband told his dad control mom and don’t text my wife it’s not your place to talk to her like that and we’re not apologizing for anything.

So now we are NC. His dad has tried to reach out to him a couple times gaslighting him and guilt him into apologizing. They’re saying WE need to apologize to them bc I started the argument and that his mother had a “nervous breakdown “ which is actually just one of her tantrums when she stirs up drama and then plays the victim. But my husband is unmoved and told his father – “you need to control your wifes behavior stop covering up for her and unless you want to apologize to me and my wife and change your behavior- there is nothing to discuss.” They also told him he needs to go to their house alone without me so they can “solve the problem” which means they will ambush him and talk shit about me and try to manipulate him into giving them house/ baby access and to push me aside. But he’s not giving in. Me personally I’m not really interested in an apology and I will continue to set my boundary until she miraculously changes (I doubt it)

Honestly it’s been the most peaceful 6 weeks and I’m glad I told her off and put her in her place. Now she knows not to mess with me. I think she thought she could talk shit to me, about my family etc and still get access to my home / child. That’s how arrogant she is. Shes never been put in her place or held accountable for her actions. But she found out I’m the bigger bitch and it blew up in her face. I think the relationship is done for and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Husband doesn’t seem to care much either- he said he doesn’t know what it’s like to have a good relationship with them so he’s not missing out on anything and should just focus on us and our growing family.
So ladies / moms hope this story inspires you to take charge and unleash your inner mama bear!