I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for three years. Sex used to be a regular part of our relationship, but for the past four months, nothing. We went from being really active to just… nothing, and I don’t know why.
We were both on Lexapro. I’ve stopped taking it, and I don’t think he’s still on it either. The pill bottle hasn’t moved in weeks. He hasn’t said anything, and I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to make it weird or feel like I’m blaming him.
I care about him, but I’m starting to feel disconnected. What’s the best way to start this conversation? Has anyone else been through this?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Just tell him you’re horny and see how he reacts. Maybe text him something vague while you’re away from him.
Have you asked him about it? Have you tried to reignite the intimacy?
I’ve experienced this. Once the intimacy dies it doesn’t really ever come back. You can try, maybe it’ll be different for you.
A man who doesn’t have sex with you doesn’t find u attractive
I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find the BF is having similar feelings. I respected her feelings for 3 months and she still doesn’t seem to be interested. What do I do?
The answer to this post and most relationship posts is to talk about the situation.
Gently bring it up you should be able to talk about things when you’re in a committed relationship
I think your bigger issue is that you’ve been together for 3 years and still don’t feel comfortable talking about your sex life. That’s a big red flag. You just ask-hey I’ve noticed we haven’t had sex in a few months. Is anything wrong?
Go bang someone else. He certainly is.
Honestly, it probably won’t be very weird at all. You both took meds known for making you have a lower libido, and probably had a mixture of that, getting busy with life, and your bf probably feeling the same way you do. All you have to do is take the step. “Hey, we haven’t had sex in a while, and I know it was because we started those meds, but if you’re feeling like it,” yknow. Hell, if things go well enough, you might end up having this problem fixed VERY quickly. If you’ve been together for 3 years, it should be no problem to bring up something pretty minor like this. If your bf has a history of being upset when you bring up stuff like this, then there’s a much deeper underlying problem.
After 3 years together this should be a conversation you can have.
“Is everything ok? I miss being close to you. Is there something I’ve done or we need to talk about?
Conversation needs to happen soon. He is 31, could be going thru a midlife crisis and doesn’t know what to say, may be depressed as he is off his meds, work may have him worried….you won’t know til you ASK!!! If marriage is your end goal, maybe he is thinking about that…you won’t know til you ASK!! Have a good old fashioned heart to heart!
SSRI medications like Lexapro are known to destroy libido and also enjoyment from sex, making it near impossible to get hard or to orgasm for some men. For some men, this goes away soon after discontinuing the medication, for others this side effect lasts months, and for some men it lasts forever and they never regain sexual interest or function. Doctors dont even know how these drugs work, especially as the “chemical imbalance” theory for mental illness has been thoroughly debunked. If I were you id talk to him about it in a non judgemental or emotional way. Maybe he should consider taking an ED medication, which he can get online very easily. Try the one that’s a mix of the active ingredients in cialias, viagra, as well as apomorphine to stimulate arousal. He may also find that after returning to sex for a while he no longer needs the ED meds.
Just curious to know when you stopped taking Lexipro, if your drive increased. My fiancé has been on it for many years and I believe it’s been keeping her libido very low.
You just talk about it. If you can’t talk about stuff like this, then you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
If after 4 years you can’t talk about sex there is a larger issue in your relationship than lack of sex.
You guys have a bad relationship if you haven’t talked about this stills
What’s lexapro?
What do u mean “how”?
You just go to him and say “Dude, it has been 4 months. I need a d1ck and if you cant give it to me more often, we are done”
Since you’ve mentioned medication, It would be a good idea to see a doctor since some drugs like Lexapro can cause as a side effect a lack of interest in sex and also a dampening of emotions overall (PSSD). There is a youtube doctors channel that covers a lot of these cases and Lexapro is one of these drugs that he has mentioned
https://youtube.com/shorts/Q0FWEAGkNAQ?si=d3pGelBBHFEusEnn