Not an incel post.
Specifically, I’m disabled and can’t really work, but I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to afford a decent gamer lifestyle. But at the age of 40, all my friends have their own careers, their own families, et cetera. I’m the only one in my circle that has almost unlimited free time, and that likes the games I like.
I mean, yeah I’m in guilds and such, with plenty of like-minded folks, but it’s not quite the same as playing side-by-side with a close friend on a regular basis.
Such is life, I guess…
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Since you are the one with the most free time try and revolve your gaming hours with any of your friends. Maybe set up a 1-2 hours sesh with em daily.
Are you lonely just in the gaming sense or life in general? Do you do other things with them? Gaming is cool but don’t let yourself get too isolated. Try and make time to do things outside of gaming with your friends and family. But if I’ve misinterpreted and you just miss gaming with your friends I agree with trying to make it work around their schedules and maybe see if any of your online friends want to do meetups to play together.
Rather be alone than in bad company. I tried to find friends and a lover, but sometimes, life doesn’t go the way you would like it to be.
Maybe try local board game groups or DnD adventures’ league? There’s a host of gaming options that aren’t just virtual.
Have you tried bringing it up to them? I’m one of the only single people in my friend group and also a huge gamer. I was feeling left out once they stopped gaming together and started spending more time with their partners, which is only natural since that is the most important person in their life. But I just casually mentioned I missed our evening gaming sessions and we promised to try to carve out at least one night a week just for us to hang out online. Your friends might be similarly receptive to such suggestion.
I’m the same exact way OP. It’s really tough to deal with. You can only distract yourself from the loneliness with single player for so long before it rears it’s head again. What do you play? Anything multiplayer?
I’m younger (32) and honestly prefer to game with the randoms I met more than the ppl I know IRL who play the same games.
Make friends beyond no-coms guilds or group content. I have a (met in-game) group I queue with almost daily that have become a core piece of my socializing and preferred group to game with.
There’s nothing special about playing w people you know if you can just make friends in the game who only want to play that game too. For me, the most important thing is having a consistent group to queue with.
For what it’s worth the ppl I found are 10 years younger and lovely people. And personally I like having a layer removed from them knowing every detail of my life. Our friendship (new, younger group) is just based on the game and what we know of each other. It’s pretty cool honestly. I’d recommend being open to all age groups who play the game you play regularly. I never thought I’d be gaming with 20 years olds at my age but it’s a wonderful group and vibe.
Eh I’m 18 and feel the same
….maybe I’m doing something wrong but idk I like single player story driven games more I guess
Maybe it’s time to pursue more adult activities? In your 40s people have careers, families and other activities for a reason. Not trying to be offensive, but perhaps time to leave the games to the children.
I’ve found me also being disabled you have to go out in your community more because being alone with your hobbies is just as bad as being alone with no hobbies and makes your mental health worse.
Yeah. I think in general, being older can become very lonely, especially if your friend group is busy and/or small. 30s and 40s can be especially tough, because a lot of people get jobs and families then, and that can be all-consuming.
I agree that while gaming online is fun and better than nothing, doing things in-person with people has a special magic. I remember many many years ago having LAN parties, where people would haul their giant desktops and monitors over to someone’s house. At least these days there are gaming laptops to make it easier, although those are an expensive luxury, I’ll admit.
I’d like to tell you that it gets easier in your 50s & 60s to socialize, but it doesn’t necessarily. Ultimately the onus will be on you to find new friends who are compatible in terms of interests and schedules.
Close friend? What is this friend word. I don’t recognize it
Something I’ve thought about is pairing up with someone just to have a life partner to ride it out with. I think about dating again and weeding through the tryouts until I find a romantic life partner, but then also consider how much EASIER it would be to just have someone to be my husband for the sole purpose of us navigating life together, supporting each other, sharing cost of living expenses, etc. Heck, if it was the right vibe I’d even foster kids with them. Added bonus is that I prefer separate bedrooms as it is so one person doesn’t disturb the others sleep.
Hiya,
“Girl gamer” in my early 40s here. I am able to work, but because of a chronic and very painful disease that I have had for many years, all I can do is work and recover. I can’t have a family, which tbh isn’t something that I am too broken up about. But I do feel behind my peers in so many ways. I use games to try to distract from the pain and to get some of my aggression out. Anyways, all I’m trying to say is that I relate. It sucks sometimes.
Watch small streamers on Twitch that are in your age range and find like minded people. Half my friend list is people from twitch !
MMOs, clans, guilds and the like, are not all that great for people who have responsibilities like kids and so forth. Your friends are likely never going to like any of those anymore because you can kinda lose time in them. I stopped playing MMOs in my early 20s, and didn’t pick them back up during my illness because OMG, they’re an awful time sink. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay if you can’t really go out much and need those games for escape, I totally understand. They just weren’t for me anymore.
So… set some time aside for games that your friends like.
Just find some co-op games, or even online board games, that you can play a session in an hour or two and organise a game night with those friends. See what they’d like to play, even if it isn’t something that you’d usually go for. It can be done. You can find common ground that allows you to spend some time with them. Even if it’s 1 night per week, it’s something. =)
you’re not lonely because you’re a gamer. and you’re not doomed to forever stay alone
Which games do you play.
Dude you’re not alone. We’re on this together. As gamers we have only games to live. No life to live. Only games. Enjoy them games. Don’t worry
Kinda feel ya, i’m in my early 30s. My usual friend group moved on with their lives, spending alot less time playing than i was (and at some point our game tastes split away too a bit)… and since i don’t really envoy single player games… i just miss having friends to play with.
Aw I’ll game with you. What games do you play ?
Yeah I had a solid group of 10 people I’d never met from online gaming and we talked everyday it isn’t the same as having someone nearby playing with you but at that time it was covid so none of us had anything to do but game and if for any reason someone had to get off the game we always had other people getting on so it never felt alone we would just sit and chat for hours even if we weren’t playing the same thing
Hey OP, feel free to reach out if you ever feel like playing online together. I know that it isn’t the same as couch co-op but still
Me wherever I go being the only “elite gamer” amongst a sea of casual players. It’s like living in limbo
Have you ever considered playing Dungeons & Dragons (Tabletop)? It’s the grandfarther of all RPG and is designed to be played in real life within a social circle. You could look for groups in your area or better yet, start your own as dungeon master.
Most people who play are gamers or fantasy fans that want to immerse themselves in a world with friends and also meet new ones.
I’m 52.heart patient staff Infection in the heart and 2 new heart valves and a host of other problems I am ok.lol I spent 6 months in the hospital and 4 months in a nursing home followed by 2 years at home .I still can’t do too much and I game a lot.Other than that Im not really being able to talk about my hobby because people seem to not like the fact I play and enjoy It.a lot lol.
My kids game with me so it’s not too lonely
My buddies and I have begun sharing a Google calendar for availability for golfing. Basically days/times where we are saying we could tee off and are available if anyone else is to get a group going.
Might be helpful to do the same if you have friends who enjoy gaming but find it hard to find “free time to game” because it’s not prioritized. If there’s something on a calendar, there’s something about being accountable that friends will find a way to make it work more often than not.
I am quite the opposite of you OP. I don’t like gaming with friends at all, gaming is sort of my “me time” and i just like to focus on whatever game i am playing. I however love to discuss certain games, bosses etc with my friends but not a lot of my friends actually play games so i can at least understand that part.
Hey man, Im 41 and on disability too. Without the Internet I think I’d go insane. But yea it sucks not being able to really go hiking, fishing, that kind of thing.
What other games do you enjoy? What stuff in life interests you?
Theres nothing wrong with gaming. You cant help your disabled. Im physically disabled too and i spent a lot of time playing sims because i cant really do sports. So yeah dont beat yourself up over it.
But also generally speaking being disabled will always be super isolating. The amount of times i had to cancel events or being scared while shopping with other people because i could not keep up with the pace ect. So maney exampels of me having to push myself to be part of things i would evtually struggle with or have problems with maintaning. So i feel you, it sucks.
Hey man. I’ve got a career, wife, 2 kids, and still game.
You just gotta be responsible about it. If you let it take over, maybe you actually have moved from a “gamer” to an “addict”?
To be fair, most people in their 40’s are not gaming side by side with their friends, they’re playing online together if at all. I’m not married and don’t have children, but with work and other hobbies, I have very little time to game at all. I’ve always wanted to try Elite Dangerous, but I don’t have the time it takes to even learn the basics. We all get busy in life, so time becomes a more precious commodity.
I am kind of in the same situation, sometimes I make friends online who are in a similar situation but usually something drift us apart and going back to no socializing