My (41f) husband passed away two years ago and I am just wading into the dating world. I do not want anything serious (far from it), I’m just looking for fun and companionship.
My hormones are raging like a teenager and I can’t explain why. It’s been nice to be able to connect with men that I enjoy spending time with, it’s been good for me.
The problem is I sometimes feel guilty about having sex, like I’m cheating on my husband somehow. I know it doesn’t make any sense! But even in the moment sometimes, especially being carnal or talking dirty, I feel like I’m doing “our thing” with someone else.
Again I know this doesn’t make rational sense. Just wondering if others have dealt with this.
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Pretty normal and though it’s not fun is healthy and indicates you’re healthy and were faithful. It’s actually touching to read in this era.
OP – this is really normal. “Until death do us part” is easier said than done. If grief circles are available in your area it makes a lot of sense to seek one out.
For what it’s worth, I don’t expect my spouse to stay in mourning for the rest of their life if I were to die. I’d want them in a happy relationship and to pick up building where we left off once they were stable and secure enough to want to do so. I suspect your husband was very much the same.
Grief and moving on doesn’t make sense. Sometimes we go 3 steps forward and 1 step back. But know it’s okay. You’re allowed to want companionship and fun. If it were me and I passed away leaving my partner, I’d want them to live their life to the fullest, even if it meant allowing their heart to feel another (whatever that may be for them in this stage of life).
IMO this depends on how you view the afterlife situation. I once mentioned this to someone religious and her idea is that it’s “til death do you part.” I felt that if you envisioned an after life with your partner it should feel like cheating. In all likelihood life is for the living and the living should live it as they see fit. Only you know how you feel, how you husband would feel, and what you feel comfortable with. Sorry if this is unhelpful
It actually makes perfect sense, I cannot relate but I remember when my dad died it was rly hard for my mom to get back into dating partially for these reasons, and even though she didn’t get into a relationship again it had nothing to do with this and I know its different for everyone but for my mom it went away with time. I hope you can find a better sense of closure and learn to not feel as guilty or pass thru whatever this is, I feel for u and am sending good wishes ❤❤
Man here. If I died, I would expect and want my wife to live a great life. That includes physical intimacy. I surmise you would want the same for your husband if it were you who had passed. Go! Live your life.
Totally normal.
Grief isn’t linear. “Moving on” can feel like a betrayal or abandoning your former partner.
Sex is also a celebration of life, or like life-force, if that makes any sense? And our sexual selves…well…we still like the same things, even if they were “our things” with someone else first. A lot of ppl become kind of hypersexual as a kind of defiance of death.
Don’t beat yourself up and try to “make it make sense.” Hopefully the casual partners you see now are understanding.
Just adding that I’m very, very sorry for your loss & wishing you joy & health in this new chapter. Life is so hard sometimes 💔
It’s ok. He won’t mind.
I swear my late husband sent my bf to me. Bf is almost everything husband was not. I swear in my son’s life that husband and bf would have been friends if they ever crossed paths.
Treasure your passed partner but don’t let it make you feel badly ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Have you spoken with a therapist to process your grief?
life is strange, love is stranger.. living on doesn’t mean forgetting about someone it means not wasting away what precious life you have, and you know how precious life can be losing someone that means so much to you, guilt is human nature even if you have no reason to feel it.. im sure he wouldn’t resent you enjoying the time that remains. life without connection isn’t life
OP, male here. First, I am sorry for the grief you and your family have endured. I am glad you are finally at the point where you are getting out there.
My wife and I have had many talks about what it would be like if one of us passed. My health has deteriorated and unfortunately, I don’t know what the future will hold but I bring this up because I have made it clear to my wife that if something does happen, she has my blessing when she is ready, not to be sad, but to live her life and if her being happy re-married or having sex, I would never want anything other for her.
This situation is not you left your husband for another guy, this is you finding happiness or filling a void that was left. You might always have good days and bad, there might be feelings after intimacy, but you have a full life ahead of you and you cannot life being unhappy.
The grieving process is unique to the individual and like others have said, it’s perfectly normal to want companionship. If you need to take a step back, then that’s fine. There is no timeline to grieving so go at a pace that works for you.
Very sorry for your loss.