I was dismissed from a job because they choose to hire someone with more experience. It was week out from me passing my probation period and now I’m having to apply to other jobs and start that process all over.
If I were ten or even five years younger maybe this wouldn’t be an issue. But I’m almost 35. And because of that I quickly realized on the walk back home that a lot of the things I had hoped for in life aren’t going to happen.
I have to accept that I will never be a mom. I cannot have children. Even if I got a new job tommorow by the time I reached the end of probation again it would be the end of the year. I’d be staring down 36.
I’ll never hold a high paying position. I will never have a real “career”. I will never be able to afford a home or travel or do any other things that I’d wanted to do “some day” because that day isn’t coming.
I feel like I have watched people glide easily through life around me while struggling and drowning. I did everything so late: I got married in my early 30s. I moved into a proper career path near the end of my 20s. Everything I did I always felt far behind in. Like I was dragging at the end of life and slowly loosing pace.
Future is a bleak word to me now. Because the truth is I have none. I am a background prop to everyone else’s story. An uninteresting “filer” who was only born and exists to pad out the crowd. It’s such a bleak feeling. But I don’t think I’ll ever get past it.
Comments
I feel like I could have written this.
I’m so sorry and I hope you find a new job soon.
No advice and solutions, just that I feel you.
you’re not a failure
you’re just exhausted from fighting uphill, and now it feels like the mountain’s winning
but don’t mistake a setback for a dead end
you’re not stuck at 35—you’re learning how to pivot when life flips the script, which is the real test of endurance
kids, career, dreams—they’re not deadlines
you can’t map the timing for anyone’s life, especially not yours
and a career? that’s not a straight line, it’s a series of steps—one job to the next, until the shape starts making sense
there’s no shame in being behind on someone else’s schedule
but there’s plenty of power in deciding you’re not done yet
so reset, breathe, and move with what you can control—your next step
Hey girl, you are not alone.
It’s common for companies to let employees go a week before probation ends. It is so they do not have to pay certain employee taxes, health care , overtime etc
Don’t be too hard on yourself . It’s not you. It’s them. And it stinks.
I understand your frustration. Life is what you make it though, and you get to define your own success. Everything makes it sound like you need an impressive career and all the status to be happy. That’s not true. It sounds like you are married – hopefully, to someone you love and are happy to grow old with. Start there. Where do you both see the marriage going, what do you want for your future.
If you want children, have one. If it means you lose your job at the end of your pregnancy because you’re still on probation then so be it. You can find another later.
Half of success is all in how you tell your story and the mental framing you put around things.
Good luck!
As a first year teacher, after finishing my bachelors and credential I was let go due to budget cuts. It was a blessing in disguise because I realized I was too tired for this at 22. I took a paycut which meant not a lot of money in order to switch gears and go into something similar but different.
Instead of saying I’ll never, say what you do want. A lot
Of life is perspective
At 34 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. While recovering everything at work went upside down. The 9 years of stability was done. I was scared because it would be a new environment to come into, my commute was long and I didn’t know if the cancer was gone.
But I made a choice to look for something closer and I found a great job and am going on 1 years. But 6 months after I started I had new cancer cells. I was a newbie, didn’t have enough sick time but told my boss and she worked with me.
I’m 44, no kids, not married. Cancer threw a curveball and I had to get through some things physically and emotionally. I have my dog and I’m enjoying life.
Ifor those that haven’t seen me in awhile they usually say are you seeing anyone? how are you doing works much better because having a kid, being in a relationship doesn’t define us. I define myself. Cancer doesn’t get to define me.
I wish you the best! Choose to make yourself the main character, choose yourself each day.
I’m not trying to be rainbows and butterflies. I’ve had my share of setbacks but I focus on what I can control. Everything else is time wasted for me.