TL; DR: basically the title
I get all the “none of your business narrative” when it comes to partner’s sexual past and I agree with it, but what I also find very common is that sometimes even good relationships ruin completely, when partners “lie” about their past. In different forums guys just completely self-sabotage themselves when they acknowledge much later in life that partner’s past was much wilder than they thought. And you know, I believe not the fact itself is devastating, but losing trust.
So I find this topic very interesting: what is your magic formula here: how (and if) past experiences should be discussed/told completely to understand whether values align or “not know-not care” is better?
Because if we conclude that “you will never know” is the 99% of the cases, how to build trust and save yourself from possible future sorrow, without being nosy that goes as total turn-off.
Thank you guys!
Comments
I get that many people, as you do, find this topic interesting. I find it exhausting.
Is my partner’s sexual history any of my business? Beyond possible health concerns, not any more or less than any other part of their past.
Am I interested? Sure. I’m interested similarly to other parts of my partner’s past that have made her the wonderful woman I love.
These threads always come down to the same thing: if you’re uncomfortable hearing it, then don’t ask, but remember that it’s your own insecurities that are making it a problem.
Do I personally think it’s appropriate? Completely. I think it’s healthy. Intimacy and ease of vulnerability grows with openness and acceptance. Isn’t that the goal?
yes i have no issues telling stuff from my past or listening her past.
im not insecure