I’ve been dating my boyfriend (29M) for eight years. Jessica (27F) has been with her boyfriend, Matt, for six years. We met four years ago and the four of us have slowly become best friends. We see each other every weekend and it’s a special type of friendship where we can all be completely ourselves. This weekend we went out to the bars and came back to our house afterwards. My boyfriend and Jessica each had gone to bed and I was just chatting with Matt. I was very drunk and he was as well. I don’t remember exactly how it got brought up but he confessed he has feelings for me and has for a long time. And he’s not sure if he wants to spend forever with Jessica. I was completely shocked. He asked me how I felt about him and I told him 1) I’m in a committed relationship 2) Jessica’s my best friend and 3) that I was shocked and needed time to process. And that us being drunk wasn’t a great time to have a conversation like this.
I could have and should have closed the door on it harder (I do not have feelings for him in that way), but he was visibly upset and I could tell it had been weighing on him for a long time. I also care about him so I was empathetic. We talked for about an hour. A lot of me just thinking to myself .. what the hell? I never picked up on it at all and I’m usually pretty good at that kind of stuff. Maybe he’s just unhappy in his relationship and I’m the other closest girl to him so it’s like displaced feelings?
Anyways. My question is now – what happens next? I don’t want to meet with Matt to talk – that feels sneaky and I don’t want to entertain it further. I don’t want to keep a secret but also don’t want to tell my boyfriend. It would absolutely ruin our friendship with them and Jessica would inevitably find out. I don’t know how serious he was (after all, he was drinking a lot) and I don’t want to ruin our friendship and potentially their relationship. I don’t think it’s my place to tell her.
My plan for now is to keep it to myself. The next time I see him will probably be in a couple weeks, when we all hangout as a group next. If we have a minute alone, should I just tell him it’s a hard no? If the situation got worse and he was trying to make advances/etc I would tell my boyfriend 100%. I just don’t know if it’s worth it to right now after one drunk conversation, that I’m sure he regrets?
We’re all human and we can’t help our feelings. He obviously had a major slip up though. How would you navigate this? And keep in mind, these are like our two strongest friends.. and we don’t have many lol so it would be a huge loss.
TL;DR: My best friend’s boyfriend admitted he has feelings for me. I’m in a relationship too and the four of us are best friends. How would you navigate this?
Comments
If you care about your friend at all, you will tell her. She may react badly. But not telling her is cruel. Think about how you would feel if you were her and she found out about this later and that you never told her. Also put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes. That conversation WAS him making advances.
The longer you keep this a secret from your best friend and boyfriend, the slimmer the chance is they’ll both stay in your life.