My best friend is engaged to a guy I’ve never been a huge fan of. We’ve always kept things civil for her sake, but recently, he made a really inappropriate comment while we were alone. I brushed it off at first, thinking maybe I misread the vibe or misunderstood what he meant… but nope. He doubled down the next time we crossed paths—this time it was clearly flirty and suggestive, and it 100% crossed a line.
Now I’m stuck.
Do I tell my best friend and potentially blow up her engagement—or do I keep it to myself and hope it was just a one-time thing? She’s deep in wedding planning and already stressed, but I’d feel awful staying silent if this is a pattern of behavior she doesn’t know about.
Would genuinely love to hear your takes. Brutal honesty welcome. What would you do?
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Backup of the post’s body: My best friend is engaged to a guy I’ve never been a huge fan of. We’ve always kept things civil for her sake, but recently, he made a really inappropriate comment while we were alone. I brushed it off at first, thinking maybe I misread the vibe or misunderstood what he meant… but nope. He doubled down the next time we crossed paths—this time it was clearly flirty and suggestive, and it 100% crossed a line.
Now I’m stuck.
Do I tell my best friend and potentially blow up her engagement—or do I keep it to myself and hope it was just a one-time thing? She’s deep in wedding planning and already stressed, but I’d feel awful staying silent if this is a pattern of behavior she doesn’t know about.
Would genuinely love to hear your takes. Brutal honesty welcome. What would you do?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
What was the comment? Personally, I would tell her. It’s better she knows now than 5 years and a kid down the line.
I say tell her. If he’s willing to say do it to her best friend, he’s def out there doing it to randos.
So this is a hard one. If you had proof that the statements were happening then I definitely would take them to her and show her the evidence. At this point it would be more of a he said she said type situation and you do have the potential to lose your best friend but it’s kind of girl code to tell your friend what’s going on so it puts you in a hard place but either way if you don’t say anything and something happens down the line and they find out that this happened they would probably be devastated that you didn’t say anything. If you do tell her honestly I would almost do it with both of them there so you can kind of catch him off guard and see how he reacts to the conversation because he might tell on himself. Although if you are around him I would definitely have your phone recording the conversation so that you can catch anything that he says and that way you can tell your friend about the other situations and why you waited to gather the evidence for her because you want her to have the best life and he’s not it.
Better a breakup than divorce. Expect gaslighting and an attempt to distance her from you, a la “It was just a joke!”
Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to keep it to myself, so if you feel like it’s going to weigh on you, tell her. It’s always better to reevaluate a relationship before marriage than after
That being said, if you openly haven’t gotten along with him, prepare yourself for the chance she won’t believe you. Or she’ll ask him about it and end up taking his side. Could this be friendship-ending? Would you guys be able to go on being friends as you are now if she stayed with him and that potentially puts you back into that same situation. ,
Bring it up with her. If you’re best friends, then you owe her honesty.