Last night during dinner with friends one friend(45F) revealed some private information to my husband that I had only shared with one person(55F). I knew exactly who she got it from and confronted them both. The original person I told apologized for sharing the info without my consent. The other apologized but then became belligerent saying my marriage is in shambles anyway so maybe that’s what I should be concerned with, instead of what she said to him. The information was of a private sexual nature that my husband enjoys. She had no right to utter anything about that to him especially since I had not made her privy to the info. Yes in hindsight I should have kept it to myself but women talk and share and have expectations that it doesn’t go further than that. Obviously he’s humiliated and I feel so terrible for him. I’ve profusely apologized and he accepted it but Obviously he’s still hurt terribly.
We have both been betrayed. Him by me and me by my friend. I’m wanting to end ties with this female who spoke out of line but her husband is one of my husband’s best friends. I don’t want him to lose a friend over this. Do I cut ties and say “we don’t need this couple in our lives” or mend the friendship for his sake? My husband says I need to work it out with her but this isn’t the first time she’s burned me and put my marriage in jeopardy.
Me 51F, husband 55M married 17 years.
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Comments
I don’t understand why you’d even be considering fixing the friendship when you clearly don’t feel she is a trustworthy friend, and when she spoke to you that way
My first thought is that if you can’t cut the friend off, you can at least dial it way back. Stick to “how are the kids?” chat.
But the situation does set up an interesting test.
Can you treat your friend’s betrayal the way you want your husband to treat you for your betrayal?
As you say, you and your husband were both betrayed. You have the dual perspective of being both betrayed and betrayer.
How does your role as betrayer inform how you should treat your own betrayer?