tl;dr I go through frequent periods of wanting to break up with my girlfriend (21F) due to her emotional immaturity and the way she treats me. But when things are better, I feel conflicted and don’t want to throw away the potential of a happy relationship. How do I decide?
My girlfriend (21F) and I (24M) have been together for about a year. We have been very intensely in love through about half that time, but for the last six months countless actions of hers have made me consider breaking up. Every time I have decided to stay and try and improve things, hoping that she will mature emotionally and we will learn more about each other. But I have started to realise that things are actually getting worse, and I’m not sure if she’s going to put in the effort to change.
At the start of the relationship we discussed our goals and intentions. I used to feel hopeful that I would be able to marry her one day, but it feels like every day I get further from that feeling. I guess I’m building resentment. I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels like this. But knowing how in love we were at the start of the relationship and how smooth everything was, I don’t want to lose a potential lifelong partner, if only things were a bit better.
Last night after talking to her on the phone and having another stupid argument, I was convinced I had to break up with her, like there was no other option to preserve my sanity. I went to bed thinking of how and when I would tell her, which is the closest I’ve ever been. But now, the next day, I feel less certain about it, and when we text each other I feel like maybe I can save both of us the pain of breaking up if we stay together, and maybe it will work out. I don’t know how much of this is just the sadness kicking in to scare me away from breaking up, or if there is actually a chance that things might be okay.
At the same time, I believe in the principle that if I’m considering breaking up, it is probably already too late and I’m just wasting my time. But I can’t reconcile this with the conflict I’m feeling internally.
So my question is this: how do I know when it’s the right time to break up, and how do I deal with the conflict of wanting to break up sometimes but feeling more okay sometimes? I know this is a very individual decision, but I would appreciate some advice which might help me create some clarity in my mind.
Comments
The honeymoon period is over. What you see now is the real gf.
She may grow up, in time. The question is tho, do you really want to waste your best years finding out?
Kissing real frogs is part of life and learning so that when you eventually kiss an enchanted prince or princess you can recognise how wonderful that is.
Personally, such behaviour was always waaay to much for me and a waste of my precious time on this earth.
ETA: breaking up is never easy and nothing makes it better. You just have to pull up your adult pants, take the bull by the horns and do it, say it etc. live with the discomfort for a few days then feel the relief of it being behind you. Of course, it may be that she will be relieved to break up too!