bf (17M) accidentally touched my (17F) chest and got carried away.. what now?
basically. we were kissing and he said he wanted to touch my chest. i recently let him touch my chest over my shirt, but we promised that we wouldn’t do it anymore until we turn 18 in around 4-5 months time. i allowed him saying “alright, over the shirt but this is the last time before we turn 18.”
for context i was wearing three layers,, he got carried away and accidentally slipped under the shirt, ended up touching my bare chest. in the moment, we just went with it.. we got caught up.
afterwards we got really guilty though. it didnt lead anywhere and there were no consequences, but i still feel really bad about it. fyi, bf did apologize on his part and felt horrible about it. says he got really carried away and caught up in the moment.
i dont want to tell my parents about it since they’re quite harsh and just might restrict us even more which I don’t want. we turn 18 in a few months anyways so i kinda just wanna move on and avoid doing anything like this until that time.
is it normal to have done this at our age? is it valid to say we just got carried away and move on? should i tell my parents about it or is it not worth it? any advice would be great, thank you
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Yes it’s normal. Don’t tell your parents. If you want to do that again that is also ok.
Wooooo honey. Do not worry about this it is normal. If you and your BF are discussing and consenting. This is normal teen behavior.
We don’t know your parents, but generally speaking, touching while making out is totally normal. That being said, it all depends on your personal comfort level. The way your post reads, it sounds like you both enjoyed yourselves, but are struggling with some perceived immorality of the act. If your particular brand of values says this is something you shouldn’t be doing, then avoid it again moving forward and move on. But if you enjoy it, and don’t objectively think there’s anything wrong with it, then why are you beating yourself up over it?
Why on earth would you tell your parents?
Sexual behavior up to an including sex is normal for people your age. That said, It is OK to have personal boundaries that are more restrictive than what typical teenagers do, I’m not trying to judge you.
Also Getting caught up in the moment is normal. Feeling guilty because you went further than you told yourself you would is normal. Having your boyfriend press beyond the petting behavior your comfortable with is common (but not excusable).
Telling your parents, what kind of pet behavior you’re getting up to? Very not normal. They do not need to know anything about that.
? Why did you set that boundary in the first place? If you both were consenting then that and actual sex is completely fine and healthy.
Why would you tell your parents? Now that would be very odd.
I understand you’re religious, but you’re meant to enjoy intimacy, there should be no guilt.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any sex act, as long as you both want it.
There is a phrase in kink, that I think applies to all kinds of sexual activities: sane, safe and consensual.
Sane, as in are all partners capable of consent and understanding what is being done?
Safe, as in do you know the risks, how to mitigate them and how to deal with them if they happen?
Consensual as in do all parties want to, and agree to do it?
Your post more than checks all the boxes. You enjoyed it, and did nothing wrong. Unless, of course, you didn’t want it and was too afraid to say something – in which case you should work on your confidence to say no.
About your parents, tho, don’t let them take the reins to your sex life. In fact, do not let /anyone/ take the reins of your sex life but yourself.
This is not something you should feel like you need to tell them. You can, if you want to, but why would you? So they can impose a rule on what to do with your body? You’re closer to 18 than 17. Nothing is going to magically change when you get there, it’s fine.
And be proactive about your sex education! Don’t wait for your parents to discuss things like protection and birth control, you can start on your own (I really recommend Scarleteen.com and Sexplanations on YouTube). You can absolutely discuss it with them, but don’t let them be your only source, there’s a lot out there that they might not know about.
Lastly, do the things because you /want to/, not because your parents told you to. You mentioned religion – if it’s your choice to follow the sayings, do it, but don’t do it for other people.
It’s fine to have sex, just as it’s fine to eat, exercise, kiss, touch each other… Just be sure you’re both on the same page, and relax. It’s fine, you’re fine ❤️
The only problem I see here is that you’ve got a lot of guilt about extremely normal teenaged behavior. You might benefit from talking with a therapist (one who understands your religious and cultural background).
As a 27 year old, I read a lot of your responses and it seems like you and your boyfriend have a very safe and caring relationship. That is beautiful and rare at your age. At 16 when I finally had interest in someone, I was told I couldn’t date but I was raised in a very controlling religion that took years for me to break my mind from.
If you’re happy and in love and as old as you say, your family does not need to be involved at all. It sounds like you’ve respected them very well over the years but I say start gaining your own independence and let your relationship thrive just between the two of you. Love between two people, especially after so many years, is something to be celebrated, not guilty of. If you’re made to feel guilty or scared due to these things, as I was, it can be a red flag to others, and we want the best for you. As long as you keep a good head on your shoulders and make safe decisions, I think you’ll do great on your own or with your partner.
Honestly I think it’s concerning that he’s pushing boundaries and not respecting your consent or when you say no. You both discussed together that you don’t want to go further and that you don’t want him to touch you there until you are 18, and then in the middle of making out he pushed that boundary and did it anyways. You also explicitly said only over your shirt, and he went under anyways. Getting “caught up in the moment” is not an excuse and does not make it okay.
It’s normal for both of you to feel horny and have sexual desires at your age, it doesn’t make it okay to violate your consent or boundaries. You don’t need to tell your parents if you don’t want to, but especially because your young and starting to explore sex and your sexuality, it’s important to understand how consent and boundaries work, how important it is for them to be respected, how it’s not okay to violate them, and how to enforce your boundaries if they are violated.
Even if this is something you enjoyed in the moment, you felt bad after and didn’t want him to do it, you told him not and he did it anyways, and what if it was something you actually didn’t want him to do at all, didn’t enjoy at all, and didn’t want to participate in? It sounds like he might try to do it anyways and would continue to pressure you and push to do certain acts even if you said no and weren’t comfortable. That’s not okay. And he isn’t a safe person to be exploring this with if he won’t respect it when you say no and then makes excuses for it after.
Here’s some articles that talk about what consent looks like btw, I’d suggest reading them:
https://rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
https://stopsexualviolence.iu.edu/policies-terms/consent.html
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/sexual-boundaries-how-to-spot-sexual-coercion
I hope this doesn’t come across as rude but maybe you guys don’t need to be dating right now. This is a really oversized amount of guilt for incredibly normal behavior. If you’re experiencing this much distress over intimate activities maybe it would be healthier for both of you to stick to being friends. Nothing is going to magically change in a few months. You can always revisit the relationship later down the line when you feel more emotionally ready and develop healthy boundaries with your parents.
I’m not sure of your culture or religion, but typically your parents wouldn’t need to be informed of every sexual move you make. This sounds really normal for your age. It’s fine to wait, but it’s also fine to change your mind and explore (safely) if you both want that and feel ready.