TL;DR
BF and I don’t agree on how often we should text. I text him back every time he texts me and i’m the only one that ever reaches out, but he rarely texts back. we hang out often, but the days we don’t he barely talks to me
Genuine question. I 18F am a very dependent person and always text back immediately. my boyfriend 19M is not very good at texting back at all. we’ve been dating about a year. He is online a lot while I am on delivered, and he just ignores my texts a LOT. It makes me feel really bad and I’m not sure what to do. We hang out almost every day but the days we don’t hang out, he barely speaks to me. I talked to him about this and he said it’s not a big deal and to leave him alone about it, but it’s been bothering me lately. most of the things about our relationship that bother me are pushed to the side, and he just tells me to act normal and it doesn’t matter. iwhat should i do? help!
I do understand that I don’t have to depend on him for my happiness by the way. I’m a happy person and i have friends, but even when I am with them, i find myself stopping whatever doing to text him back when he won’t text me for hours.
Comments
You are not compatible. You deserve someone who reciprocates your needs, and he deserves someone who reciprocates his lack of.
If you’re the only one reaching out and he tells you to “leave him alone,” then the problem isn’t texting; it’s that he doesn’t respect what matters to you.
Text him saying you are gonna find a new bloke, if he does not reply, then go get someone that deserves you .
You are very dependent. He is not. That’s all this is really saying about your relationship. It’s fine when you’re that age, or if he’s just a guy who does focus on doing things. Imagine when you both have 40 hr work weeks. You won’t be texting back all day. You have things to do. This sort of stuff goes away and doesn’t matter when you eventually move in together anyway. So I wouldn’t make it a big deal
If he says to leave him alone, then run, he doesn’t care at all
I dated someone like that for 9ish years. It won’t change, it doesn’t get better. You’re still young, get with someone who wants to text you.
I do have to say after 9 years of dating someone like that with texting, it’s a weird and almost over whelming feeling of having someone text me often, all day and care that I don’t text back. I’d advise to skip the feeling of emotional neglect before it becomes engrained.
Being dependent on someone is not healthy. This is a bit of a you problem to manage. You can’t demand he text you more if that’s not how he operates. You have to manage the anxiety that occurs within you when you are waiting on a response. You may respond fast but that doesn’t mean others have to.
If there are no issues and you see each other a lot then texting back and forth shouldn’t be much of an issue.
Now, you can’t control him but you can control yourself and that can mean that you set a line in feeling dismissed. There may be things you bring up that he flatline ignores and that’s not ok. And you can decide how you will respond if you continuously get dismissed. That said, writing by the phone to me reads as anxious attachment not an actual problem with the relationship.