Warning: I might sound crazy here.
My bf (30M) has this buddy Kyle (40M) and they hang out 3-4 times a week. I am new to the city so I don’t have any friends here but I do hangout casually with coworkers or hit the gym or read at home.
Here’s the problem- My bf is really nice and we have been together 3 years but sometimes he makes me feel like his friend is my replacement.
Example 1: Kyle called him today and my bf tells me “Oh the wife’s calling” and starts laughing.
Example 2: Whenever we have disagreements he makes a joke later that he will move out and live with Kyle.
Example 3: He went to his native country for a funeral. It was a sad occasion but after he came back he told me he got Kyle a bottle opener as souvenir. I, his girlfriend who loves to collect souvenirs and has gotten him one every time I travel, didn’t get anything.
In addition to all this, he makes stupid jokes all day about how if he doesn’t have me he has Kyle. I have talked to him so many times about this but he brushes it off as jokes. I am seriously thinking about ending this because it is making me feel like a sh*tty partner and I can’t take it anymore.
I have peeked in their chats and it’s all basic stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. But i don’t think I can keep feeling insecure no matter how much I love him, it affects my mental health. Sorry for the rant, any suggestions on navigating this situation is appreciated.
tl;dr: Bf (30M) is unknowingly or knowingly making me (27F) feel like his friend (40M) is my backup in case things so south with us.
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It sounds like a bunch of bromance jokes that are going too far – have you talked to him about it and explained how it makes you feel?
Sorry I couldn’t be a placeholder and I’m not saying they are doing anything sexual but he’s putting someone else above you and that’s not ok
People do exactly what they want to do. Every single time. They put their time, effort, and energy into those things that are most important to them, and they put less (or none) into things that are less (or not) important.
Since you have communicated with him about it, and he has disregarded what you have said, what you know is: how you feel about it does not matter to him.
So. This is the person he is because this is the person he wishes to be.
Which means that this is the person he is going to remain.
He prioritizes time with Kyle over time with you because time with Kyle is more important to him than time with you.
That’s neither right nor wrong; it’s simply a fact about him.
So what you have to do is:
Accept that this is who he is,
Accept that it’s not going to change, and then
Decide for yourself whether you want to continue being in a relationship with someone who prioritizes another person over you.
Because there’s no path forward that includes the words “and then he suddenly changes”.
If you don’t like the way things are, and you cannot change the way things are because the way things are are because of his choices…
…then the only choice you have left to you is: walk away.