For examples, I bought a personal watermelon and it was not good. Overripe, not a good taste, just not good. I knew I didn’t like but just left it on the cutting board because I knew my bf would be mad if I tossed it away. Woke up this morning and the watermelon was in the fridge. I asked him if he planned to eat it. No he did not. I then explained that I will not eat it either. So then why did he keep it? Just cause was what he said. To be clear I bought it with my own money and was fine with wasting the five dollars. Kind of the risk you take with fruit imo. It’s still sitting in the fridge taking up space without being touched.
This morning I burned a bagel by leaving it in the toaster too long. I went to throw it away and put a new one in and he seemed upset. He was mad I had thrown out the burnt bagel. Once again I bought the bagels and didn’t want to eat a burnt one. We are not in poverty. We live in a nice apartment and I pay for all my own food.
I did grow up poverty. Like really low poverty and spent most of my childhood eating things I did not like. Whether it was because we didn’t have anything else or because that what we got and we best be happy about it. As an adult with an income to buy what I want to eat I don’t eat what I don’t want to. It’s a way for me to move away from my childhood in a sense. So this obsession with keeping food that nobody is going to eat is pretty frustrating for me and the fridge space suffers a lot.
I understand not wanting to waste food but this feels like an extreme. If he ate the food he insisted on keeping then sure go for it but he doesn’t. It feels like he just keeps doing to prove a point to me. I understand his point, I just don’t agree with it 100% of the time but he fails to see mine when it comes to fridge space.
Also, I don’t waste food all the time. I meal prep every week and eat all of it every week. I eat any and all leftovers that I enjoy. I truly don’t waste food super often but he makes me feel like I’m doing all the time or something.
How do I explain to him as nicely as possible to mind his own damn business when it comes to food?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Who is buying it?
Did he also grow up in poverty? Because that can look different to everyone. You had food, just not always food you loved. He may not have reliably had food.
have a conversation where you bring up fridge space and the fact that no one is going to eat it, ask him why he feels he has to keep it. Listen, don’t argue with him, whatever he answers will be informative. Let’s say for example he says “I don’t know,” then you might reply, “So what do you think is reasonable? Do we have to keep the food until it rots? Do we have to keep the food until we need that space for something else? Can we keep it in the freezer until trash day so that the rotting food doesn’t stink up the fridge?” Get an answer and see if the answer is something you both can live with, negotiate.
If you can’t negotiate, I dunno, maybe it’s a basic incompatibility. Don’t feel like any incompatibility is too small if it bothers you a lot.
I have this phrase I use regarding my partner: Indulgence. I realize my partner is not perfect, and neither am I. However, I noticed that because I love him I am rather indulgent with him on things that I wouldn’t accept from other people. This has been true from the start because I know he doesn’t do these annoying things to annoy me, they’re just part of his personality. So, for example, if I thought I could indulge my partner by not throwing out burnt food until at least 2 days had passed maybe I’d do it. If I thought I could not indulge my partner because it would make me lose my mind, I would consider it a basic incompatibility. But you don’t have enough information yet to decide if you can indulge him. You first have to learn what your partner thinks is acceptable regarding bad food. How long, for example, does he think you need to keep the watermelon? And can you live with that?
25 years of marriage. I throw stuff away. He doesn’t. I still do it. He still complains.
Tell him if he cares so much, then he should eat the rotten watermelon and lead by example. Otherwise, he’s just being controlling and trying to make you eat rotten, burnt food when he won’t stand by the same principle himself. Either he leads by example because it’s important to him, or he shuts his mouth.
Honestly, that’s a lot and I’d be annoyed as all hell. I’m petty enough that I may start leaving just enough food on my plate to be annoying to him. Wait until he’s in the kitchen to throw out the old food from the fridge. Toss marshmallows in the trash one at a time and call it a new game. He’s being ridiculous and I’d have a hard time not being ridiculous back at him…
I gotta be honest, you sliced up a watermelon, decided you didn’t like it, so you just…left it there and walked away? So he had to pack it up and put it away? Why is that his job? This post is showing you waste food and not care. Verdict: you sound very annoying.
Tell him it’s a dealbreaker, get over it, no one wants to hear your daily complaints and I refuse to eat XYZ.
or
Bye bye boyfriend
This is controlling behavior. Just stop doing it. Did his parents force him to eat bad things? Just because they were middle class doesn’t mean weird shit didn’t happen. Can he explain his need to put food back in the fridge that no one will eat? He may need a therapist. Something is clearly triggering this behavior if its strong enough for him to pick a fight over.
Is his attitude only about food? Is he keeping score? I have no solutions other than what I do. I ignore him.
What does he do when he creates unwanted food?
I would consider either doing this yourself or asking your bf to research other uses for not great food. Fruit is kind of on its last legs can be used in compotes, or mashed with some sugar, let it sit for a while, then you can use it in cocktails. I’m not quite sure what you can do with spoiled watermelon though, unfortunately (you can pickle watermelon rinds though!), maybe use it to add some scent to a vinegar based cleaning solution? Burn bread and toast can be used to make sauce though. It’s an old medieval recipe and it goes great with roast beef https://www.innatthecrossroads.com/medieval-black-pepper-sauce/
I really make it a challenge to myself to try and use everything I can. Also, maybe you guys can consider composting or saving trash food for your local area compost and then at least someone is getting use out of the food. It’s not getting any use by sitting in the fridge where no one will eat it.
Tell him to start a compost if it bothers him that bad
Start a PR response every time he does this. “Don’t comment on the food I purchase if I choose to throw it away. You have no say in this matter and in fact you continuously judge me and sulk like a man baby is a huge turnoff and creating resentment in our relationship.” Every single time.
I live with my sister – both of us from poverty too – and she throws out way more food than I do. I tend to eat my leftovers a bit more than she does but she eats very little and hates leftovers. lmao so lots of waste!
I can see from your bfs perspective it is annoying. It’s incredibly wasteful and it’s just agitating to watch someone waste food. BUT my sister and I generally pay for our own food/groceries. What she does with her money and food atp is NONE of my business. At most I tease/give her crap when I’m tossing out old food from the fridge and it’s all her stuff. But that’s IT.
If you’re paying for it and the amount of food you waste doesn’t impact your finances/budget then he has no room to complain. He’s doing more than complain as well – you’ve stopped throwing out food even though you know you won’t eat it. He just needs to get over it. My sister also has a habit of packing up her food for later and even though I don’t like food waste I laugh at her and tell her to toss the food if she won’t eat it.
In terms of advice – maybe start composting? That could be a good compromise – make him feel better about trashing something but you’re not forcing yourself to keep stuff that should just be tossed.
I threw out the milk before the expiration date on the label. He yelled at me saying I was wasteful. I looked at him like he had two skulls. A week goes by, and the milk went bad one day before the expiration date. I left it in the fridge. He used the last of the milk for a big bowl of cereal.
Next day he says he thinks the milk had gone bad and had terrible stomach problems.
Really? I said in my fakest astonished voice.
> How do I explain to him as nicely as possible to mind his own damn business when it comes to food?
You stop being nice. Tell him clearly, and without risk of misunderstanding, that you will decide what you wish to eat, and what is no longer suitable, and you will not take his counsel on the matter.
Full stop.
If, as an adult, he cannot deal with the decisions of other adults that harm him in no way whatsoever, then that’s a “him” problem, not a “you” problem.
If he isn’t making any comments, what would you like him to do differently? His feelings are his feelings. It doesn’t sound from the post like he is trying to make you eat food you don’t want. Is just knowing he has a feeling about it bothering you? If so, were you expected to attend to the feelings of adults and assuage them as a child? It’s not your job or responsibility to make sure he never experiences a negative emotion. He can have his own opinion on food and throwing it out, but unless he is trying to change your behavior you can just be ok with him being uncomfortable. You weren’t put here to ensure he never has a non-preferred experience.
Maybe he would like to start composting?
Just throw it away. You bought it. Tell him either he eats it now or it’s going to be thrown away. What’s the use of letting it rot and take up space in the fridge to only be thrown away then? Let him be mad. You’re not responsible for his feelings. Don’t let him control yours.
My husband asks for anything left when we go out to eat to be packed up to-go.
I give it 3 days in the fridge and toss it and he never notices.