Am I 29F overreacting when I get turned off/mad at my bf 28M for bringing up his exes a lot in casual conversation? For example, while were hanging out/talking he’d casually say my “one of my ex gf said this or that.” Or that he can’t believe his gf in hs chose to date him because she was one of the popular kids in school. Or he doesn’t know why good girls like me tend to fall for guys like him (because i’m not the first “good girl” he dated) I try not to be immature and get mad when he does this because I understand he has a past and they’re all part of his life but he does it alot. Almost everytime were together, he mentions one of them atleast once. I’ve talked to him about this before and he said he can’t help it because they were part of his life and naturally they will come in to conversation especially if its within context but he said he’ll stop and he did. For a few weeks. Anyways today, I called him out again today (because he mentioned them again in passing twice) and he said he was just literally telling a story but he’s sorry and that he’ll stop. I told him I understand that he’s just telling a story but I was not just talking about today. He may not realize how much he’s talking about his exes but I do notice.
I do know he loves me, he’s attentive for the most part and is caring. He also told me of all his exes i’m probably the 2nd one he actually loved.
He’s also my first boyfriend. I casually dated in the past but none of them really blossomed into relationships. He’s the first man I loved and because i’m still pretty new to romantic relationships, i’m still learning to navigate my feelings and emotions. But one thing I try to make sure of is if I don’t feel good about something, I communicate it out to him instead of bottling my emotions and wait for them to explode.
Tldr: Am I overreacting for getting mad at my bf for bringing up his ex gfs in casual conversation?
Comments
Maybe its time you asked him to go see a therapist and speak about his exes there, because he isnt getting any brownie points by talking to you, he clearly has some issues.
You have every right to be mad. As a guy the only time I ever bring up my exes is if I’m asked about them. They in the past & that’s where they’re gonna stay. It sounds like he not over his exes. And might be suggesting you try to be like them. (Oh you know my exes use to wear this type of clothing I liked. Or she use to rub my shoulders or did this/that for me)
Just tell him you’re tired of hearing & being compared to them.
First, communicating instead of bottling up is a good relationship skill, and it’s commendable that you had the insight to do that with your first serious relationship. I’ve always maintained that good relationships are ones where you can be upset with each other and deal with it.
Anyway, not overreacting. I don’t think anyone likes being compared to their partner’s exes. I’m sure he’s over them and his feelings towards you are sincere, but even if you intellectually accept that, it is hard to shake the feeling he might be hung up on his past, especially if he keeps bringing it up ad nauseam.
Did his past relationships end badly? Is he still friends with any exes? Bad relationships tend to stay with you for a long time, those are the ones that you have regrets over and everything reminds you of them. Healthy ones are easy to move on from, as unresolved issues tend to get resolved on the way out, and sometimes you can stay friends, so you don’t actually lose that person even if the feelings died.
Regardless of his reasons, I would reiterate that you are uncomfortable when he brings them up and if he needs to talk about his past relationships, he needs another outlet besides you. Yes they were important, and bringing them up every now and then might be forgivable, but this sounds way more frequent than that.