Last Friday I came back to my apartment from my mom’s place after helping her sort out a few things as she was moving to another city.
When I entered, my boyfriend was already there with his friend or something sitting down on my couch. He has a key to my place, so I didn’t think much of it as he sometimes passes by even when I’m not there. Although I didn’t know that girl I still said “hi.” It’s a habit that I have, always being polite and what. I sat down and we chatted for a bit, basic conversation, which actually was just “yes” and “no’s” and nods from my side. She introduced herself, said she was his coworker and all. Tbh, I already didn’t like her just by looking at her face but I stayed pretty quiet the whole time cuz I was too tired to entertain anyone’s bullshit. She stayed for coffee then left, after that I just headed to the shower.
When I came out of the bathroom, my boyfriend sat me down and told me he wanted an open relationship with that wicked bitch with a clearly messed up blonde coloration. I obv said no and kicked him out after some sort of argument, which really was just me sighing and yawning while he was trying to convince me.
Today I received a text from him asking if we were good. I left him on read but idk. I obviously still like him, but I don’t want to share and felt pretty disrespected. I mean, am I too possessive or something? Should I let him open our relationship?
Sorry if it’s messily written or if there seems to be missing a few details, I’m not doing exactly fine right now in all honesty.
Comments
Don’t stick around tolerating disrespect from a man who doesn’t respect you and is willing to justify his lustful desires with ‘wanting to open the relationship’. Don’t allow yourself to be used by a man who wouldn’t give a damn.
It’s perfectly okay NOT to want an open relationship. Perhaps you are at the point where you can explore that possibility, which is always up to you. However…
Personally I don’t believe it could work as something that is discovered during the relationship. Such things should be established before starting it. Of course you are attached, but expectations of your bf are not reasonable, and it doesn’t seem to lead towards anything good.
He wants a fuck buddy whilst not losing his apartment.
I’m the girl.
We’re dating now. Smooches him all over
cut it off
Is he even really asking for an open relationship, or just permission for him to screw around?
Nah you’re not being possessive, that’s just basic respect!! If he wanted an open relationship that convo should’ve started way before he casually brought another girl into your space. The fact that he hit you with it after hanging out with her at your place is just shady.
You’re allowed to have your boundaries, if monogamy is what you want and he doesn’t then it’s a mismatch and you both want different things. Don’t second guess yourself for expecting loyalty and respect.
He already had her lined up and ready to go without prior discussion. The audacity. Girl no. Change the locks. Give him his stuff. Tell him to have fun with the bottle blond and never contact you again. Just no.
Also get tested because that level of entitled boldness he’s honestly probably cheated. I’d ask him “how many others have you been with already? Just her or anyone else?” Because ugh. No. Just no.
The poly and ENM subs are full of clueless men trying to smooth things over after they clumsily tried to convince their girlfriends to open/like/allow/3some the lady who just followed them home. “Please mom, can I keep her?” 🙄
The fact that he and she approached you jointly means he’s already agreed to this with her and you’re being told last. I wouldn’t accept that.
Your own willingness or openness to open is 100% a separate consideration than whatever this is. Thats a function of how many crushes you feel simultaneously.
But basically, no one can perform poly under duress. And starting from damaged trust is a total non-starter.
Also, coworkers are usually “messy list”. But I digress.
You’ve been with this guy 3.5 years but 2 months ago vented about losing your bf over a new boy. Fuck all the way off.
I think you handled it well. You have all the right to react the way you did to his stupidity. He’s is trying to groom you into a poly or swinger lifestyle. At this point I would say the relationship is over. Unless you have given some thoughts and you’re okay with sleeping with other people. And I don’t think you are. Chalk it up as a loss. You win some you lose some.
I don’t usually say this but you honestly should leave him.
Not only don’t you want an open relationship which already suggests an incompatibility but the fact he has someone specific already picked out that he wants to be with is a bad sign, the fact he thought it was appropriate to invite a person he is actively romantically/sexually interested in into your apartment without any prior discussion about it is an even worse sign. Not to mention the fact he immediately jumped into the open relationship conversation right after that reads to me like they’d been planning it together which also isn’t okay.
If you were genuinely open to an open relationship because it felt okay to you that would be a slightly different story but even then his behaviour would still make me think he’s not well equipped to have a healthy open relationship
Don’t open your relationship if you don’t want to.
Sounds to me more like he was cheating with that girl and didn’t realise you’d be back then so tried to come up with some excuse to have you both. Very trashy imo.
Either way don’t let him have it. He basically wants it all ways. Don’t let him. Your not being possessive at all. Most people wouldn’t want an open relationship. Some do and it works but from what I’ve read from people who’ve done it online, a lot say it rarely works.
He does not appreciate you. Unless you want a boytoy, leave.
No, you’re not too possessive if you don’t want an open relationship. You get to choose with whom you want to share your sex life. I find it disturbing that he brought some strange woman into your home, which should absolutely be your private and safe space, without your permission. I’d get the key back, no matter what else you decide to do. Since you merely like him, I’d probably drop him and find someone that shares your values and is interested in a monogamous relationship.
You’re not too possessive. However, this needs to be communicated clearly. He also needs to understand and show that he understand, that you’ll leave if it’s ever suggested again or if you catch a whif of him flirting with others.
He let someone he discussed relationship options with into your house. Sat YOU down after she been chilling on your couch….
If you like the disrespect, we love it.
This reads like a 12 yr old has written it. Fake post imo
I’m obsessed with your attitude and how you handled the situation. Drop that turd in the toilet and move on to greater things. Let him be with the chick and realize what he screwed up for nothing. Best of luck to u!!
He wanted permission to cheat. I’m sure that if the tables were turned and it was you wanting to open the relationship, or if you asked for some sort of reciprocity in that regard, he would have said no.
You did the right thing. Cut ties and move on.
He was in your house with her and you weren’t even there. Wtf! Red flags for me.
It seems like they’ve discussed it between themselves or maybe even been together already.
Sort of feels like to me they were planning on having a conversation with you together, but maybe he read your vibe and they decided against it and he said he would speak to you alone about it.
If that was me I’d tell him go be with her and don’t come back.
You are not possessive and you shouldn’t do anything you are not comfortable with. Let him go, someone better is out there.
Have some self respect and ask him to do one.
Sounds like the idiot was scrambling after getting caught cheating on you at your own apartment while he thought you were at your mom’s to help her move.