Bisexual men of Reddit, what are the differences between dating women vs. other men?
Bisexual men of Reddit, what are the differences between dating women vs. other men?
r/AskMen
Bisexual men of Reddit, what are the differences between dating women vs. other men?
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I don’t have any practical experience to relate, but whenever I see this question I think back to a post I saw somewhere, probably one of the mental health subs, that said “dating as a bisexual means being physically terrified of men and emotionally terrified of women”, which is very funny and also lines up with my feelings uncomfortably well.
More frequent and easier sex with men, lower emotional labor.
The more nurturing relationships that made me grow as a person were always with women, however.
Men:
Things tend to progress faster and conversation about sex, commitment and future plans happen significantly earlier.
You can a lot of the time still be friends women are less susceptible to going from date to friendship.
Paying bills can be awkward if he was raised a certain way I prefer paying but they often won’t let me.
I take more safety precautions with it like sharing location and stuff, both in case they are a crazy person or if they are a group of eshays masquerading as a guy. Life’s too short to be kidnapped or bashed on a weekend.
There’s more conversations that need to be had and in more detail e.g with a woman you can simply ask “yes or no to kids?” And they’ll give an answer. With guys it can be a lot more complicated. Similarly things like whether or not they are out, if you’re able to post about them, religion tends to be a more important discussion since I’m Christian and lots of guys have religious trauma, etc.
Women:
For some reason super hard to match with regularly even if I just mindless right swipe.
Dating app conversations are often harder to continue a lot feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting and since I’m use to egalitarian dynamics it’s not a comfortable feeling.
I feel like I gotta simultaneously be a lot more open about myself and my sexuality but I also need to remind myself they are women (e.g. guys are a lot more understanding of random erections and stuff as they have been there women would probably up and leave if I said I can’t stand up because of it).
Size differences tend to be less extreme, I’m average girl size so we are often closer in height and build than if I’m on a date with guys. So it’s less intimatmdating.
Less go on second dates with me than men but after the 3rd they tend to last longer than most guys.
I’m not speaking for myself but my friend seems to really have given up dating women, seems to be a real hassle with no rewarding prospects. I go on Tinder I get depressed, he goes on Grindr and gets a confidence boost.
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Ask this please in r/bisexual
Here you get just the opinion of people, who heared about.
TL;DR Men are generally easier-going and with women the highs and lows are more pronounced.
It’s easier to “vibe” with another guy and it’s less stressful especially in the beginning where I feel things are more open and warm. With women if you vibe with her completely in harmony it is the most uplifting feeling on Earth. Like breathing fresh air for the first time in your life. I don’t know how to describe it other than that. But it takes more to get there and I’ve always felt like I have to be more…”filtered” with women especially early on. Men are more open to sexual jokes without seeing an ulterior motive or ill intent behind it. They’re also far more receptive in terms of being approached, for like any reason, sexual, romantic, or platonic. If I go up to a guy in a gay or “mixed” bar he’s far more likely to be open to conversation, there’s a real chance of “why are you bothering me?” or outright hostility from a woman in a similar environment.
Men are more likely to give you positive attention regarding your physical appearance or efforts to present yourself like how you dress or style your hair. Gym “gains” are also more likely to be appreciated and commented on. Doesn’t even have to feel sexual or romantic, it feels like an appreciation of effort much of the time. I feel more invisible to women in this regard unless I’m a bit further along in a relationship.
That said I feel like when you do get positive attention from women it means more. Supply and demand I guess.
It’s also more common that women will be more quick to hit you out of anger. I’ve never had a man throw something at me or strike me in anger like that but I’ve had multiple women do it. They might think they’ll do less damage or are less of a threat but that seems to just make them more willing. I don’t doubt it can happen male-on-male but I’ve never had it happen to me.
With women you have a more 1 on 1 relationship. With men you tend to hang out with each other friend groups a lot more. Also with women you get a more protective and romantic feeling, with men it’s like being with your best friend that you often have sex with. Just my personal experience!
You know, I always thought dating a guy would be like, go to the bar, have a couple drinks, go back to his or my place, blow each other, have another beer. No drama, just dudes that blow each other.
But no.
Gay men are MORE DRAMATIC than ANY woman I have EVER dated.
being with a guy somehow seems easy..
When I’ve been with other men, I’ve been both a giver and a receiver of care: of little gifts and surprises and thoughtful gestures. With women it’s all giving all the time, and very little reciprocity.
When a woman finds out you’re bi, best case scenario is that she dumps you and quietly moves on with her life. Worst case scenario is that she destroys your reputation, has your ass kicked, and/or files false charges against you.
With a gay man, the worst that can happen is he’ll try to convince you that you’re actually gay and confused, rather than bi.
In my experience, as visual of a species as men tend to be, Masc people tend to care substantially less about the aesthetics- the small stuff. They tend to care less about the occasional off color joke or the later of dust on your knick knacks.
I feel way less pressured to clean when a masc person comes over essentially. I feel way less pressured to watch my words.
On the flip side, their touch is rarely as soft. Their aftercare isn’t as good. And personally I’m more turned on by a femme voice in my ear than a masc one. So there are tradeoffs
With my extremely limited experience I have found dating men to much more relaxing, have way less pressure to perform and conform
It’s not as much easier as people like to think. There’s still a lot of the same problems they just come out differently. This is me writing from my experiences only but in multiple serious relationships with both. I do find that people are people and there’s women with traditionally masculine personality traits and vice versa
Men pros:
Woman pros:
I find that women are very cautious of bisexual men. They tend to think we will not be fulfilled having to “choose” which is just untrue for the majority of us. My fiancée learned I was bi and very nearly dipped out after her friends fed her all of their negative experiences and bias. That’s a tough part with women specifically. That insecurity at the beginning but it’s also understandable if they’re open about it.
Men mostly just want quick sex, women want commitment
As a woman, somehow I never realised how soft other women are.
Women are often much meaner, more vindictive, and more selfish
I’ve never had to worry about a man getting the ick when discussing my sexuality or complicated gender expression. I’ve never had to deal with men insulting me by calling me gay or using homosexuality as derogatory. I’ve never had to deal with a man making MY experiences and MY feelings all about themselves. I’ve never even had to worry that the man I was into would scream at and deflect onto me in order to avoid taking accountability etc etc etc
Women are way more inclined towards violence in a relationship than men surprisingly. They also seem to more often project their negative feelings onto their partners IMHO
Men were always more generally calm. We are vastly simpler than women and that can be both a good and bad thing.
That’s the only thing that ever really stuck with me. Now I’m married to a woman and it doesn’t matter anymore. For the record she’s way better than any dude I’ve been with.
This is a sincere question, and I am genuinely curious. How many bi-sexual Men end up going back to women only and settle down with one? I hear of bisexual women doing this but, not much on men.
I get way more attention from men, and there are more men that thinks I am good looking. Women either completely ignore me or have to like me for my personality in order to find me good looking. In a sense you need to put in more “work” with women, and there is a ton of non-spoken communication that can get tricky. There are more expectations of what you are supposed to understand or how you are supposed to communicate.
Men are more surfaced-level, and easier to understand, but it evolves mostly around physical aspects, and you can kinda be easily replaced if you want to wait with the physical stuff. Most men kinda don’t want to get to know each other in a sense. Like I never get the chance to move from like friends to dating to maybe a relationship with men. With women it was more like that every time.