My boyfriend (31M) and I (25F) are having issues with our sex life. Here’s some context.
We’ve been together for 4 years, have an 18mo daughter, and have lived together for 3. Our sex life started out great, steamy and sensual. He’s definitely vanilla, and I would say I am too, unless my partner isn’t vanilla. I’ve been wild in the bed in previous relationships, but he just doesn’t try to pull that out of me, so it doesn’t come out.
I’ve struggled with body image as long as I can remember. I’ve been told I’m “too skinny” by literally everyone my whole life. I really started struggling with it about 4 years ago when I hit my lowest weight.
Through the years of poor body image, I think my interest in sex has just decreased. I feel uncomfortable in my skin, so I don’t like to be naked or put on lingerie as I just don’t think I look good. Obviously, when I voiced this to my boyfriend, he’s always said I think you look great. That’s nice and all but at the end of the day, I don’t feel validated or understood. Right now we’re in a tough spot because he feels unwanted. He says I never initiate sex, which leads him to feel unwanted, which I understand. I’ve tried to explain that it’s not that I don’t want him. It’s that I’m disgusted with myself and don’t like putting myself in situations where my body will be seen therefore, sex is at the bottom of my list. I still think about having sex with him all the time I want him to pursue me I want to feel like he wants me. I want to feel like he loves my body, but because of the way I feel about my body that seems impossible. He doesn’t seem to understand or try to validate me in how I feel. He just says he’s tired of the way our sex life is but he doesn’t have any suggestions either.
TL;DR : my poor body image has caused a poor sex life and I don’t know how to fix it… he doesn’t wanna initiate because he wants to feel wanted and I have anxiety when I even think of initiating.
What am I supposed to do???????? And please, I really can’t afford therapy right now.
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