Adult friendships are hard enough to maintain without throwing social media into the mix. We are all guilty of wanting our lives to look a little cinematic sometimes. But when you start prioritizing the visual vibe of a party over the feelings of your actual real life friends, you have completely lost the plot. One woman recently took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for leaving her close friend off a guest list, and her reasoning is honestly going to make your blood boil.
The Original Poster is a twenty nine year old woman who started a small, local book club about one year ago. The group consists of roughly twelve women who all love to read and discuss historical fiction. Over the past twelve months, they have met up multiple times and grown into a tight knit group of good friends. It sounds like a beautifully wholesome community of women supporting women.
That wholesome vibe completely vanished the second the internet got involved. The Original Poster had been scrolling through TikTok and seeing massive, extravagant book balls. These are huge parties where attendees dress up in elaborate ball gowns, intricate masks, and carry fancy parasols. Since there were no events like that happening in her city, she decided to host an intimate version just for the dozen girls in her book club.
Every friend group has a diverse mix of personalities. One of the women in this book club is a twenty nine year old named Sam. Sam happens to be a very close friend of the host. She is also a woman who values comfort above all else. Sam is the kind of girl who lives in athletic clothes, never wears makeup, and famously wore jeans to a formal school ceremony. She simply does not care about high fashion or formal attire.
Knowing that Sam hates formal wear, the Original Poster had a choice to make. A good friend would have sent the invitation, clearly stated that ball gowns were strictly required, and let Sam decide for herself if she wanted to participate. Instead, the host made the incredibly cruel decision to just secretly exclude her close friend from a group event. She sent out expensive, beautiful invitations to every single person in the twelve member club except Sam.
The host rented out a small hall, arranged some catering, and asked the invited friends to pitch in twenty dollars each to cover the remaining costs. The group text was likely buzzing with excitement as the other women went out and purchased extravagant dresses and accessories. Meanwhile, Sam was sitting at home, completely unaware that her book club was planning a massive masquerade ball without her.
You absolutely cannot keep a party a secret when you invite eleven out of twelve people in a friend group. Word eventually made its way back to Sam. She had to experience the crushing realization that her book club was hosting a major event and she was the only one left off the guest list. Sam approached the host and bravely asked if it was true.
The Original Poster hesitated but eventually admitted the cold, hard truth. She looked her close friend in the eye and said she did not invite her because she knew Sam would never wear a ball gown or put effort into looking good. Sam was understandably heartbroken. She expressed how deeply upsetting it was to realize her presence was not wanted, even if she just showed up in her regular clothes to support the group.
Instead of apologizing for leaving her out, the host doubled down on her cruelty. She told Sam she was being unfair. She claimed she put a massive amount of effort into creating a beautiful event where everyone could be extra for one day, and she explicitly stated she did not want Sam to ruin the aesthetic. She literally reduced her close friend’s worth to her choice of wardrobe.
Sam has completely stopped speaking to the host since that devastating conversation. The ball happened two days ago, and the Original Poster actually had the audacity to brag that it was a huge success because everyone looked amazing. She completely destroyed a close friendship, alienated a member of her book club, and she still thinks she is the victim of the situation.
The internet wasted absolutely no time crowning this host the ultimate a**hole. If you are hosting a themed party, you are fully allowed to enforce a strict dress code. You send the invitation to everyone and say ball gowns are mandatory for entry. If Sam refuses to wear a gown, she misses the party by her own choice. But secretly excluding one single person from a twelve member group is classic mean girl behavior.
You cannot treat real people like props in your fantasy TikTok video. An aesthetic is just a visual theme for a few hours, but making someone feel completely unwanted and unvalued causes permanent damage. The host might have gotten some great photos of fancy parasols, but she lost a beautiful friendship in the process. When she looks back at those pictures, she will always know exactly what they cost her.