I’ve come across this concept recently and it captivated me.
I believe we all have this situation when you are chatting with someone and suddenly they ask a very random question. For example, have you ever considered having an unusual animal as a pet? Firstly, you are taken aback a bit. But as the conversation goes on, you clearly understand that it was your companion who wanted to answer it. And you haven’t even noticed it before!
This conversational quirk, known as boomerasking, has become so common that most of us have either encountered it or even done it ourselves without realizing it. In a nutshell, it’s about a situation when someone asks a question just to answer it themselves.
It seems I sometimes do it without even realising it. How about you? Can you notice it in yourself or in your friends? And what are your thoughts about it?
Comments
I wonder whether some people here thought that this question was aimed at Boomers?
I used to do it, but I stopped a couple years back. I realized it annoyed me when someone did it to me, so figured it was probably annoying to other people too, so I started paying attention to it more. These days if I really want to say something I just say it.
We’ve all been taught that it’s rude to just talk about what YOU are interested in without input from the other person. (Don’t talk at someone, talk with someone, etc. etc.)
So, asking a question that you want to answer is a way to bring the topic of conversation over to the thing that you want to talk about, without shutting the other person out of the conversation. I can see why some people might find it annoying, but it doesn’t bother me.
when younger people do it it’s called having adhd.
I think it’s really called ‘not paying attention’ and very obviously not caring about what the other person is saying.
It’s annoying and increasingly common on reddit, especially when they use alts. I like the word and how you explained it.
That’s just called conversation. Anyone who finds it annoying should just retire from social interaction.
Idk if I’ve ever countered an older person doing this, I associate it more with ADHD. Where we’ll be having one conversation and then suddenly the other person things of something completely unrelated and it takes me off guard. I don’t really mind it though.
You’d be surprised how many people that ask about your wellbeing are concerned for their own.
I get that ppl get old and crotchety. But I like making friends with anyone open to it even young uns. Young uns ehh? We have fun. But I know you guys are getting a shitty end of the stick. We were very lucky. I’m sorry for you all because it’s tough and getting tougher and if I were you I’d be complaining about the situation. Jesus I hope we can turn things around.
If the conversation is running dry, then I’ll appreciate any attempt at spurring it.
Similarly there’s nothing wrong with talking about something that you want to talk about. However, it’s better to just tell your story/make your point than to disguise a questions. The former is just you doing something, the latter is you underhandedly making it clear that you don’t actually care about my opinion.
The main problem is more about how much of a pattern it is. You talk about things you want to talk about? Completely fine. But if you ONLY talk about things you want to talk about, and are never interested in topics others are interested in, then that’s a problem.
My mom does this. She pretends to be interested in my life because she wants me to ask her the same questions. She did it yesterday. I’m very LC with her. She text me, asked how work/school is going. I said, “good,” and she went on to talk about what’s going on at work for her.
I do this occasionally, too, but I notice when I do it and feel uncomfortable with that knowledge. So I tend to become more invested in the other person’s reply and let go of whether or not they’ll ask me the same question.
I think it’s human, or maybe I learned it from my NPD mom 🤷♀️
i have noticed it, but i appreciate it as an easy way to have a conversation with someone, which is something i can find difficult at times. if someone asks you a random question, ask it back. learn something new about them. everybody wins
It is completely ok to steer a conversation toward a topic you’re interested in, and this kind of asking feels like a thoughtful way to do it, especially if you’re genuinely interested to hear what your conversation partner has to say about it. The problems only really arise if you ask and then are counting the seconds ignoring your conversation partner until you get your turn to dish. But if you actually care about the answer? Carry on.
Happens constantly. The person who says it just wants to talk about themselves. They don’t really care about your answer, they’ll just twist the conversation around to their own answer ASAP.
I like to hear myself talk sometimes, so in order for people to get the hint, I start with “I’m going to ask you a question I probably know the answer to, just to make sure.”
Leaving voicemail when you already dictate all your text messages anyway.
It seems like I’m not the only one confused.. I’m guessing what you mean is:
“How’re you?”
“I’m good thanks”
*Wanting to talk about their new promotion* “Aren’t you going to ask it back..?”
I do that. I’m autistic.
I was at an airshow in the middle of a field, freezing cold and soaked to the skin and my friend turned to me and said “Why do Americans have open coffin funerals?”
I notice that people do this a lot when they went to a fancy school and want to tell you about it. I know it’s petty, but I derive great joy from not answering their question and then never asking them where they went to school either.
Often times boomerasking leads to boomerharanguing
I do get annoyed when I ask coworkers about their weekend as a courtesy and they don’t respond back. Most often I’ve asked someone how their weekend is, they share for two minutes, and don’t ask back. I don’t particularly care if this coworker knows what I did, but this indicates that this coworker won’t become my friend
Maybe I’m weird. But I’d just comment something like “you know what’d be cool? Having a pet kangaroo”. And going from there. Maybe add a ” What about you?”.