we’ve been together 1.5 years and my boyfriend is in a less than ideal place in life. he currently works in a retail job with long hours and low pay, he’s in a course for an IT qualification and is hunting for a better job.
we both still live at home and his family has decided to move house, but it’s been very on again, off again for the past 6 months. as things stand right now they apparently are moving this time. the move will probably be off again by this time next week. it’s been like that this whole time.
so anyway. we have no savings because of the nature of his work, we can’t exactly work on planning anything until his family makes their minds up and i’m starting to feel resentful. before we can even start anything future related he needs: to complete this move with his family, to complete his course, to find a new job, to be in what he feels is a stable place in his life, to have savings for a house…. and then he’ll get round to me. maybe.
everything’s on his terms, his timeline. i’m not a priority for him right now because he’s got all these things to do first. he’s claiming we might get engaged next year but i just can’t believe him on it. i doubt his laundry list of stuff he needs to do is going to be complete any time soon. the stress from his current job is absolutely killing me because it’s become a huge, all encompassing thing that’s taken over every area of his life.
every time i bring it up to him he assumes that i’m demanding that he move in with me or propose right this second and that’s not the case. i just want some sign that waiting for him to do all this stuff is going to be worth it in the end. i don’t want to waste half my 20s waiting for him and he guarantees me that i won’t, but i always wonder how he can possibly know this now.
TL;DR: boyfriend has giant list of things he needs to do before he can commit to a future with me. i am fed up and want some kind of sign this will be worth it.
Comments
There isn’t a sign that it will be worth it. He is communicating that he isn’t ready. You have to decide if that seems reasonable.
Maybe you can alleviate some of his concerns by showing how you are willing to be the one to propose, that you are want to put 50% for the house and wedding etc.
When will he complete the IT course? I don’t understand your rush to get engaged and married. You are 20 years old.
If you really don’t want to wait then let him go and find someone who wants the same timeline.
You’re not asking for a proposal you’re asking to feel like your part of the plan, not a reward at the end of it. That’s a big difference, and it matters.
Why do you say “we” have no savings? Are you planning to rely on him financially in the future or are you spending all your money on him now? Both options are not great.