Two months ago I reconnected with and started dating an old coworker from years ago. Things have been going great so far. We go out to dinner, take long hikes together and have the same taste in movies and shows. He is extremely thoughtful and brings me flowers or candy often when he comes to see me. He’s a great listener, an animal lover and very funny. I’ve become quite smitten with him, but I also can’t help but feel that I am being naive or missing something in this situation.
On our first date, we discussed how making home movies is a passion of his. He has shown me a few that he created with his friends and they were creative and funny, so I believed him. He told me about how he has been working on a project that would require pictures of people laying on the ground in different positions to layer into the video for a humorous effect. He even showed me some pictures of other friends that he had taken these pictures of. It didn’t seem like there was anything sexual in nature about these pictures, even though he was saying was a little bit strange it still made sense to me. I laid down on the ground and he took some pictures of me, he directed me to close my eyes and part my lips for a “dead” look. I did a few different poses for him to take pictures of, and we continued on with our date not really discussing it much after that.
On our second date, 3rd and 4th he also asked to take similar pictures of me. He said it was because he loved my outfits, and that he just had so many good ideas for the video he was working on. But eventually, after taking a few more sets of these photos over a few weeks, he told me that there was no video and that he will be keeping the pictures for personal use. He revealed to me that he had been sexually attracted to me in these poses all along, and that was really what these pictures were about.
I was conflicted and a little unsettled. He described them as “dead” pictures, and said he was especially attracted to my face when I relaxed my jaw and it hung open a bit. That made me feel strange, like he would feel tempted to touch me in my sleep if we were to sleep next to each other. He insisted that this isn’t the case however, that he is simply attracted to the peaceful and carefree look that I have while sleeping and that he would never touch or hurt me during that vulnerable time. He described his attraction to me in these poses as “sleeping beauty syndrome” which I’m not going to lie, made me feel even weirder because it made me wonder what is true reason was for creating the video that he is putting these images in.
He went on to tell me that he has never been attracted to someone doing these poses before, just me. I find that hard to believe because after our first date, he told me he was thinking of deleting all of the other “dead” pictures he’d taken of other people. Why would he do that is he felt like he wasn’t doing anything wrong, especially if they were really for his video project like he said?
I expressed how all of this made me feel to him a few days ago. It’s a creepy feeling to have someone standing over you and taking pictures when you have your eyes closed, and honestly made me feel weird that he was using these pictures for pleasure when I didn’t appear to be awake in them. He listened patiently, and seem to be mortified that he had made me uncomfortable. He immediately deleted all of the pictures we had taken which was a big relief to me.
I asked him what attracted him in particular to these pictures again, he reiterated that it was the peacefulness. I asked him if there was any other type of picture I could take while awake that would satisfy the same urges, and he said he didn’t know but that he would think about it. I felt like he was beating around the bush giving me an answer because he didn’t want to scare me off. He reiterated again but he would never touch me in my sleep and that he just likes to look at my face with my mouth hung open.
He told me that he was thinking of not taking any more pictures anyways because he felt strange asking me to do the dead poses as well. I asked him if he could tell if I was uncomfortable and he said no.
I guess I just want someone else’s opinion on this. I feel like I can’t tell anyone in my life how strange this has been without also ruining their opinion of this guy before they have even met him as my boyfriend. All of the picture stuff aside, he has been extremely wonderful to be around; we talk on the phone for hours, the friends of mine that have met him love him, and he never makes me feel pressured or rushed for intimacy in our new relationship. We were on opposite schedules when we started dating and he has switched his entire work schedule around to spend more time with me.
I would love to keep seeing him, but I’m afraid that this would progress into something that I can’t even fathom years from now. Like, he may not want to touch me in my sleep now but what if it does progress to that eventually? I want to take him for his word but he was not even up front with me about what the pictures were for at first so I’m not sure what to do here.
Comments
No this is majorly weird. Bro needs therapy and to stop watching porn. You however, are not responsible to see him through this. I urge you to GTFO. That’s weird. How long before you’re pretending to be dead for sex ?
Yo that’s weird as fuck
Ditch this guy he seems like a creeper.
If my daughter told me this shit I’d take it to the authorities
I mighta missed something but he doesn’t seem like a bad guy to me, maybe just odd? He didn’t say he was doing anything suspect with the images and deleted them all, and said he wouldn’t ask for anymore which seems respectful enough. Worst case from the info so far he just has a weird fetish, which if you’re not comfortable with break it off, but he doesn’t seem a loon to me
I don’t think you are safe in this relationship. He outright lied to you to get what he wanted. He claims it was only sexual with you but he had lots of other pictures and outright said it wasn’t for a video, which is still weird.
This guy is lying and seems to be lying really well. On top of that he seems like he may be love bombing you to make you fall hard for him. I’m worried if you stay with him you will end up in the news as a victim. This is a very unsettling situation. I think it is in your best interests to end it and move on. If you do end it in a public place. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
I’m sorry, but RUN RUN FAST! This kind of behavior is a precursor to serial killer type shit. I would never feel (peace) sleeping next to him.
Google ‘necrophilia’
Pedifle alert!
How is everything else about him? I would caution you not to make the decision solely on this without further conversation unless its really freaking you out. But if was just something weird he likes and he agrees not to do it anymore, then its probably something you could move past. The question is, is this fundamental to who this guy is or was that just a passing “that would be hot” type thing.
This sounds like the first 15 minutes of an episode of Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?
You are being naive to believe he truly deleted those pictures of you.
And you are trying too hard to find a way to keep dating this Really Nice Guy Who My Friends Like Too.
On your first date, he convinced you to pose for him. And on every subsequent date, you continued to accommodate his peculiar requests.
It is no wonder he presented himself as Perfect In Every Other Way to keep you interested in him. He probably could not believe he found someone so compliant.
Regardless of his reassurances, aren’t you reluctant to fall asleep with him?
🚩 🚩 🚩
If you don’t feel safe, it’s time to get out. He already broke your trust by not being completely honest about what those photos were for.
I give it 2 months and hes asking you to not move during sex or make any noise
You’re the frog in the pot and he’s gradually increasing the temperature. Get out now.
It could be a kink but… also that would personally creep me out I don’t know if I’d be okay with that. What does you instincts tell you? From what I gather you seem reluctant to sleep next to him and appear to feel unsafe with him? Instincts are rarely wrong so if you have a bad uneasy feeling about it I would get to the bottom of it and listen to it.
You could also try having a honest conversation with him- but sounds like he’s already hiding stuff and lying about it- he could be ashamed of it if it’s a harmless kink but my thoughts are it’s either a weird fantasy kink situation or it’s kind of giving me like serial killer vibes if I’m being honest
Too creepy to respond.
Although he may seem like a good fellow, there’s huge actual danger flags going off in my head. If he is a textbook psychopath, it doesn’t take much to convince people he’s “normal” since psychos are known to play their roles in society to blend in VERY WELL. He slipped up when he started trusting you with his dark secret, which may be more dangerous now.
Now, if he’s not a psycho and he’s just a necrophiliac, then it’s still red flags and I wouldn’t pursue this any further. I would say distance yourself from him and cut him off, but don’t let him know your reasons are for those interests of his.
It might be dangerous to break it off, so please protect yourself.
I could just be paranoid, and maybe nothing of this applies. Maybe he’s just weird and will be sad if you guys break up, but better to stay ready for anything than not.
That’s too creepy and weird.
I couldn’t even keep reading after the “dead look” part.
I mean, really?
The dude thinks dead people are… attractive?
As someone else said, look up “necrophilia”.
Block him and don’t see him anymore.
He sounds like the kind of dude that would drug you to make you “seem dead” and then have his way with you. Which could escalate into him hurting you more.
When I was young, I watch a documentary that talked about having sex with a dead body. But then realized it wasn’t a new thing, no no they even had a word for it. Necrophilia! So necrophilia and having sex with children is the most disgusting thing. Unfortunately your boyfriend with his pictures has that characteristic. It’s kind of like the mortician who can only have sex with his wife if she takes a cold shower. It sounds like if the relationship progresses that’s what you’re going to end up finding out.
This is definitely the sort of behaviour that is worrying. Finding people more attractive when they are inanimate is a concerning. The fact that they are at their most sexually attractive to him when they are unable to move, speak, fight back etc is highly concerning.
He needs to see a therapist because the more he indulges this the higher his ‘threshold’ for getting excited will become.
Full blown necrophilia is not where he wants to be heading!
If it makes you uncomfortable, step away from the relationship.
That is an awful lot of words.
God forbid a man enjoy it when a woman he loves is actually relaxed and enjoying life. Somehow this also a red flag.
Yup, if you have a penis, you’re cooked.
Weirdo. Next.
This is a very long post just to say you are a bit concerned that the guy are you talking to/ catching feelings for might have some serial killer tendencies. Be careful. You don’t want to end up as a Dateline episode narrated by Keith Morrison! “The Sleeping Beauty Killer”.
Maybe you should reconnect with him after you are dead if he’s still alive, sounds like he would prefer that…. *shivers*
Why are u so concerned about safeguarding this dude’s rep with ppl he hasn’t meant. It seems like ur more worried about them questioning u in ur judgement. Which they should. Don’t keep going deeper with creeper because ur embarassed about getting snookered. That’s how wife beaters, creepers do it. They sucker u in, then u feel ashamed so u stay. Gtfo of there! Leave that dude.
Everyone has their kinks, some stranger than others. It’s disconcerting that he took them under false pretenses, but I do understand why he felt the need to lie about it. Can’t really come out and say “let me take pictures of you looking dead because it turns me on” There’s a few takes on this. He may completely understand how taboo this is, and morally is standing there. Looking at ( ethically sourced ) pictures = no harm, however strange to most people. If he wants to hold onto this he needs to find someone comfortable with acting out these attractions. I imagine this would be a deeply personal connection. On the other hand, this could be leading up to something not quite as innocent. However I didn’t feel that indication by how you described him. You’d have to be comfortable knowing this is in his personality, this attraction. And by all means make sure you can trust this guy and watch out for any changes in behavior. To me personally he sounds like a decent guy who’s been saddled with a strange kink / attraction. He knows it’s weird but is looking for someone to accept him. That’s just my feel, I could be way off. What’s your handle on him?
This guy is likely a necrophiliac and is using photography to stage safe and legal ways of getting media for his own personal sexual uses. There’s no telling for when the flip will switch, when the photos won’t be enough for him and he will truly want someone in person with a “dead” look. These urges he’s having may only get worse especially if he lied about it being just you, and then staying he has more to delete. That’s already not adding up. Your gut is trying to tell you that this guy has a sick twisted perversion and you’re arguing with yourself by staying with him. LEAVE
Are you trust him that pics wouldn’t surface on the net?