I am a 33 F who is dating a 31 M and has been getting irritated over his “jokes”. He’s not the most affectionate person so when I hear negative things he says, to me they seem bigger than they are. I came out of the shower with no makeup on into the kitchen to which he said “uhhh put some makeup on”, I obviously got upset and all he could tell me is that “it was a joke”, and that I “can’t laugh at myself”. Then I put makeup on and he says “why’s your face so white, let me do your makeup next time.” I feel like there’s always some truth to “jokes” which is why I was bothered by it, but apparently I’m uptight and can’t laugh at myself. How would you feel in this situation?
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Tell him its not your humour and it hurts your feelings. If he continues the behaviour then get rid
Tease him back with some similar stuff. See if he can laugh at himself.
Leave him… he’s letting you know how he feels. Believe him and don’t waste another second with that jerk.
Sounds like negging to me – a thing dudes (typically insecure ones) do to shake your self-confidence in hopes that it’ll give them undue power in the relationship, like if you feel like you can’t get any better than them, or like they’re doing you a favor by being with you, then you won’t advocate for yourself and they can get away with treating you however they want. It’s the most disrespectful bullshit.
I’d ditch him and date someone who is more secure and confident.
Jokes are when both people are laughing. This is bullying
Jokes are only funny when everyone is laughing. These are mean-spirited comments being cloaked in the language of ‘can’t you take a joke’. Tell him outright that you don’t find these things funny, and if he tries to protest that they are, then give him a blank look and ask him to explain the joke.
So his sense of humour is making yiu feel insecure about your body.
Also that’s the most typical thing ever is immature toxic people sating insulting stuff and then saying “it’s just a joke” on top of it.
Ao not only is he insulting you, he’s invalidating and does not care about your feelings.
I don’t know about you but those are pretty central to how’d I’d see a healthy relationship
He’s deliberately tearing you down to build himself up.
Why would you want to be with the small, sad kind of man who does this?
Throw that frog back where it came from or so help meeeeee! So help me! So help me! And cut! No but seriously… He probably can’t take what he dishes out and just isn’t nice. I wouldn’t bother with someone so immature. If he wanted to he would. Like… if he wanted to be loving/kind/thoughtful he would. If you think he will listen to you, have a conversation about it and tell him you don’t like his comments (notice how I don’t call it joking because it’s not) it’s not unreasonable, it’s fair. Joking is supposed to make everyone laugh with you, not at you. If he can’t use his empathy and see how hurtful his comments are, then you might need to reevaluate the relationship. Because at that point it’s on purpose or he doesn’t care, imo.
I would be upset. I’m like you, I believe all jokes are based off of a truth…
Some people have a jokey sort of mean teasing dynamic in their relationship, but that’s got to be a two way street. I don’t find meanness funny or cute, so I would never be in a relationship with someone who was mean to me, whether they called it a joke or not. If you don’t like it, don’t tolerate it. There are a gracious plenty of people who don’t act like this.