When we initially met (online, non-dating platform), my boyfriend told me he was living with a friend. Then 2-3 weeks after we met online, he opened up to me about his divorce, his ex and the breakdown of his marriage (repeated infidelity on her part), and told me that he was moving in with his parents again. He told me this while we were still just friends, and there’d been no talks of romance yet.
It was a lot to take in, but I secretly already liked him at this point and decided I still liked him enough to want to continue getting to know him.
A couple days ago, 8 months to the day after meeting and 2 months after becoming official, he told me that the first part was the lie. He never lived with a friend. The friend he described is actually his sister’s flatmate. What really happened was as soon as he discovered the repeated infidelity, he moved back in with his parents. He had a few other options but this was the most financially viable. Also, there is concrete evidence of the infidelity. He is not lying about that.
He apologised profusely for the lie and for not telling me sooner, said he lied because he was embarrassed about living with his family and the circumstances that got him there. He was scared and ashamed. He was afraid to come clean sooner, but realised he needed to, especially when recently I asked him whether he missed living with his friend or not.
I have a few concerns. First, I’m glad he told me unprompted, and I felt good about it to begin with – but now I’m wondering if he only told me because I’ll be meeting his sister soon, and he knew that maybe her flatmate would come up in conversation, or maybe I’d ask about his ‘friend’ he used to live with. I want to assume best intent, but I can’t find myself fully trusting he told me for totally unselfish, pure reasons.
Second, in those initial weeks of meeting he would sometimes give details about hangouts with the friend, his frustrations about living with them etc. Then when he said he was moving out and back in with his parents, “I’ve got a bit to pack, my parents will help me move my stuff out” etc. These stories that accompanied the lie is what feels off to me. I have lost considerable trust in him because of it.
Truly, this is the first red flag I’m seeing and it’s left me a little shaken. I empathise with his situation, I’m glad he told me and he’s been through so much. I love him deeply. But this is also my first relationship, I don’t want to be naive and I cannot help but wonder if I am justified in my concerns or not. I need advice.
TL;DR – my boyfriend lied to me about his living situation when we first met, and he just came clean 8 months later. I’m trying to decide if this is a dealbreaker.