Hi everyone, I 21F have been with my boyfriend 22M for almost 7 years now. We met through mutual friends and talked over Skype until we finally felt that something sparked and started dating. We were 15 years old at the time. He lived on the other side of the country (Poland) but we still went to each other quite often and spent the whole summers together.
We have been living together for two years now and well…. Since a year I feel that he no longer cares as before, our intimate life is infrequent – me wanting rapprochement 1 or 2 times a week and him to whom ideally 1-2 times a month would be enough (he often – when he sees me naked brushes me off saying he doesn’t want to be intimate). If I cook dinner and ask if he wants to eat too I always hear that he doesn’t want to or isn’t hungry (friends and family say I cook very well) and then he goes off to eat sandwich or store bought food (I’ve seen him cooking as many times as fingers on my on hand). Often when we talk he doesn’t listen or forgets what I’ve said to him (although I don’t know if this is where I should be picking on him because he was diagnosed with adhd this month and will be taking medication soon).
Can the situation improve when taking medication? Will he also focus more on me and on taking care of the apartment and not just sitting at the computer 8-16 hours a day? I don’t have a problem with him sitting at it or playing, I also play a lot or watch TV series but I don’t abandon myself to my duties or thinking about him.
I have also asked him many times if we can go to couples therapy but the answer is always no way and that he would sooner break up with me than go to a psychologist to talk about his private problems and that in addition in front of me.
What should I do? Hope the pills will work? I don’t see any other option than that or actually break up because he doesn’t want to cooperate with me. Any advice?
*TL;DR : I don’t know if my adhd boyfriend still cares about the relationship. Spends most of the time on the computer and doesn’t initiates dates or intimacy. *
Comments
as a thought exercise, remove sex and romance from the equation (not hard, considering there’s pretty much none of either…).
pretend you have a friend who you cook for, but she ignores your care and effort and goes to buy a shitty corner store sandwich instead, doesn’t listen when you talk, forgets everything you tell her, would rather play a game on her computer than spend time with you, shows you zero affection or care – would you still be friends with her?
why would you want to live like this for a moment longer?