Have been dating about 3 months and we see each other a lot (5 days a week – fri-mon & wed). we don’t make plans anymore cos its just understood we always meet those days. we’re both working fulltime and live 15mins away.
but he cancels a lot on the weds when he stays over mine but it always feels like a legit reason that i can’t get annoyed at (being sick, bad back, headache etc).
apart from this he is like the most perfect and sweetest guy to me, we don’t communicate much on text but hes great in person.
i dont think theres anything wrong with my place – im a tidy person and its always clean, i don’t live with any housemates, have spare room, food etc., he loves my pets
Neither of us are broke, jobs aren’t demanding, i don’t think i’m hideous? and we were friends for 6 years before dating, we met at our previous workplace.
hes probly cancelled 10 times on me in the last 3 months. i’ve only cancelled on him once. do we see each other too much? should i just tell him we dont have to meet midweek anymore? i don’t know how to bring it up and talk to him without getting emotional/feeling bad especially if he really was not feeling well all those times.
tldr – bf cancels a lot when we meet midweek but we do also see each other a lot and hes otherwise an amazing bf. how do i bring it up in a nice way or do i just tell him we dont have to meet midweek anymore?we dont make plans, it is just understood we meet every fri-mon and weds. i feel bad to bring it up as they seem like legit reasons i shouldnt get annoyed at, to do with feeling unwell.
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He probably just has other things to do. I mean you are both 30 years old people. He probably has other friends, family, and things to do. You’ve only been dating 3 months.
The point being, I wouldn’t worry about it. It sounds like you all spend a lot of time together even if he does cancel so it doesn’t really seem like a big deal. People need space sometimes.
I think if you’re still seeing each other Fri-Mon, cancelling Wednesdays clearly doesn’t mean he’s lost interest, and there’s no reason to spiral trying to think why it might be happening. I would say “its just understood we always meet those days” clearly isn’t true, because…you aren’t seeing each other most Wednesdays! 3 months is about 12 weeks, so you’ve only actually met up a couple of Wednesdays. No reason to get annoyed about it, but you could say that instead of Wednesday being a “default”, you’d like to see him one other day a week, and you can both figure it out week by week.
Also bear in mind that even 4 days a week isn’t necessarily a lot, but it’s hardly not much either, and he’s allowed to want some time to himself, do other stuff, etc. without that implying anything about you/the relationship. Stop relying on “it’s understood”, because it isn’t understood, it just seems to have been a pattern that’s formed, and maybe he has legitimate reasons, or maybe he’d rather have a different pattern, and doesn’t know how to bring it up. But don’t frame any conversation as making assumptions about what he thinks/wants. Neutral – “Wednesdays haven’t really been working, but I’d like to see you outside of weekends.” Doesn’t have to be a set day, or even every week necessarily. Your needs/feelings matter, but so do his.
It feels like you’ve set yourself up for this mess by just claiming 5/7 days of the week as hangout time as a default. Yeah. Of course you’re going to get a lot of cancellations. Life will intrude. There will always be busy and less busy periods of your life.
If the “understood hang” is fine for you two, there’s no reason not to leave it in place unless it’s the thing causing you stress. It would be better if you weren’t keeping score on cancellations but rather just accepting that some time apart, even if the reason is meh, is a healthy thing for a young relationship.
If he bails on a Wednesday but shows up on a Thursday, that doesn’t mean he’s growing distant. It just means he knows he can’t give you the attention you want on Wednesday.
That said, you shouldn’t feel bad about asking for a change in protocol. Find something that works for both of you and talk through it in a direct way. Oh and have this conversation when you’re not mad at him for cancelling or else this WILL feel like you’re just picking a fight. Find a nice moment that you hate to ruin with a Relationship Talk and just have a reasonable discussion anyway.
You see eachother a lot, especially for such a new relationship. I’m not surprised he cancels.
Seeing someone 5 days a week after 3 months sounds too intense for me. It’s absolutely fine he cancels 1 out of 5 days and probably shouldn’t make expectations that you will see each other 5x a week, because life happens and not everyone can devote that amount of time to a relationship, and keep up with other responsibilities, relationships and time for themselves.
He probably needs some time for himself but doesn’t know how to tell you, so he cancels.