I’ve (F22) made plans to go see the new Fantastic Four film with my brother (M25) as it’s basically tradition for us to go watch movies together in the cinema.
However my boyfriend (M23) thinks it’s weird that I want to hang out with my brother like that. Apparently we’re “too old” to be doing stuff just the two of us and it’s “kind of strange”.
I don’t understand why he’s being like this. As far as I’m concerned it’s pretty normal to hang around with your siblings but this is something he claims he would never do.
How do I even respond to something like this? I’m honestly feeling kind of miffed.
Comments
It’s not weird or strange at all. Spending time with your family is something that you are never ‘too old’ for.
Your boyfriend watches way, way too much porn and I’ll bet money his favourite category starts with step.
He’s the weird one and I’d end it, why be with someone who thinks spending time with family is weird.
Boyfriend sounds like a weirdo with a lot of issues
He’s allowed to find it weird. And you’re allowed to watch a movie with your brother.
He said he finds it weird. He didn’t say you can’t do it.
At a deeper level, it’s interesting to ask. Why did you interpret that as him basically saying you can’t?
Well, at some level you must feel like if other people find something about you weird, that must mean they’re going to leave you. And to keep them around, you’ll have to stop it.
But it is you doing that, not anyone saying it.
Maybe at some point in your life, you learned to associate the word ‘weird’ with rejection.
While sometimes related, it’s not actually implicit. And part of real love involves being able to hold the contradiction. On the one hand they think I’m weird. But also, they’re still here anyway. Because they love me and that’s what love is about.
Of course if they did actually try to stop you or were being mean about it. Then nah, they’re being an a-hole.
Your boyfriend is insecure and implying that you and your brother have a sexual relationship but is too much of a coward to say it. Dump this emotionally immature trash bag.
This is an isolation tactic. It starts with not wanting you to spend time with your brother, then it’ll spill over into your friends, next he won’t want you going to family gatherings. This is what abusers do. Break up with your boyfriend. It is a major red flag when a partner wants you to drop someone platonic who was in your life before they were. And him not flat out saying you can’t go but saying it’s weird is a form of coercive control. Get away from this man, seriously.
Read this book, I’m sure there are other shitty things he does that you may not recognize are abusive: https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I’m a guy. I spent a whole weekend backpacking with my brother when I was 35. Your boyfriend needs to adjust his thinking.
Your boyfriend sounds weird and possessive. He needs to grow up or get lost.
I can’t imagine my wife having an issue with me hanging out with my sister.
He’s sexualizing your relationship with your brother and trying to isolate you. Red flag 🚩🚩🚩
get a new BF.
As a guy, I think your boyfriend is being toxic and overly controlling.
He either just wants to isolate you from your family, or even is insinuating that you would have a inappropriate relationship with a sibling.
I also think it’s just going to get worse as your relationship goes on with his tactics , comments , trying to isolate you, etc.
The fact that your bf thinks having a healthy relationship with your brother, where you do things together and have traditions, says a lot about him. Either he’s projecting his family issues on to you or is jealous of any man that spends time with you, which neither sound healthy. I hope you don’t listen to him and continue to enjoy time with your family
You can’t replace your brother but you can replace your boyfriend…
I think it’s time for that or you are heading down a narcissistic, controlling and toxic relationship.
Just some advice- get the hell out of there before it’s too late.
This is the phase where he tries to isolate you from your family/friends. He does this so you have no one to talk to, or turn to, when you realize he’s abusive. He will just continue to make you feel crazy, without anyone but him.
My sister and I are in our 50s and we still hang out occasionally. Your boyfriend needs to grow up.
This exact same post was offered by a different OP.
Word for word
Your boyfriend is being creepy and isolating. My bro (67 m) and I (69 f) always have and always will spend time just the two of us. I would be asking my boyfriend what is wrong with his brain. These are warning signs. I understand him not quite getting it. My husband is an only child and never had a sibling so our perspectives are different. However, he has never questioned or forbid diddly squat. See with your eyes and ears open. The signs are there
My sisters husband did the same thing. And it wrecked the relationship with my sister. Guess what. He’s gone and I’m still here for her
He might have been affected by porn to the point where he can’t concieve of women in a way that isn’t sexualized, so he would never hang out with grown up sisters. And he probably thinks everyone thinks that way, so why would you hang out with your brother.
Or he doesn’t like his siblings and doesnt know why anyone would.
Or what someone else said, that it’s an isolation tactic from an abuser.
Set firm boundaries! He either accepts your family relationships or gets bothered and leaves you. I am 39 and my brother passed away 5 years ago. Please believe me that family will always be there, everyone else will come and go. Enjoy the movies with your brother!
I get that it’s not your thing, but it means a lot to me. It’s just sibling bonding, not something strange
Put him to the test: have convos together, you and him, with all the people you both know, and see what they think is normal. Keep track of the results. Spoiler: You’re going to win by a landslide and he’s going to know he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Mind you, crowdsourcing opinions is not necessary to justify your choice. It’s just intended to show him how far detached from reality he is.
“Not negotiable; drop it or leave.”
The sex had better be good to make up for that shitty, controlling attitude.
There was a similar post to this not sure where it was from and it was about a bf who was jealous about his gf being super close with her own dad and made him so insecure and jealous. I think some men just have that macho “she belongs to me and im not sharing!” mentality and they don’t even know they have it until something triggers them. He may have grown thinking having a close bond with your siblings of the opposite sex was uncool or weird for whatever reason. Be honest to yourself if he can’t accept it then he should be okay accepting losing you , because your bond with your family is what makes you and if he doesn’t see that then he doesnt truly love you for who you are.
HUGE RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩
He is beginning to isolate you from family by separating you from the one who is closest to you and would probably have no problem calling out (or more) someone who mistreats his sister.
Once he has succeeded in keeping you and your brother apart.. he will work on doing the same with your parents.. most likely your mom, since daughter’s often confide in their mothers. Next will be your dad and any other siblings (if you have them). If you live close to family, he will look for a job for away and then tell you that you need to be ok with it or you’re not supporting his career. It will go on and on and on and you’ll look back years later and ask yourself why you didn’t see the first red flag.. his issue with your brother.
Tell him he will NOT dictate your family relationships and if he doesn’t like it… you’ll help him find his way out.
Drop the boyfriend
This is your problem because hesitation and lack of clear independent thought process on your part is strange. Since when do you become subservient to a boyfriend like you are his property?
The boyfriend can like it or lump it, simple as that.
Maybe in a past relationship, someone lied about being siblings with someone. The only benefit of the doubt, I’ll give to this weirdo
Your BF needs to grow up or pack up. He should not be getting in the way of a much older and stronger relationship between siblings.
I have a brother, but unfortunately,
we’re not close. IF WE WERE and my partner had a problem with it, I’d be pretty peeved. 1. Does he expect all my time and attention 24/7? 2. Why does he feel ok with messing with a fun tradition you have with brother? 3. Does he think you’re using bro to cover up an affair? 4.All the ick answers you’ve gotten
You’re right to feel miffed hanging out with your brother is totally normal, especially if it’s a tradition. Your boyfriend’s opinion sounds more like his personal hang-up than a fair judgment. You could say, This is important to me and totally normal I hope you can respect that. If he cares about you, he’ll understand.
Nothing unusual about hanging out with your brother unless it is more than with your bf and everyone else.
Your boyfriend watches too much porn.
You break up with anyone who interferes with your perfectly normal relationship with your brother. There’s a potential there for him to want to isolate you from other people or restrict your social life to him only.
Your boyfriend is very insecure and needs to get over himself. My sister and I are 38 and 34 and we still hang out together. Dinner, golf, movies, when we can get away from our kids at the same time.
Break up with him. He’s controlling and it’s creepy for him to basically accuse you of dating/cheating with your brother.