Looking for insight here, my boyfriend (29m) and I (28f) are generally homebodies and spend our time doing things either together or independently doing our own hobbies. It is pretty rare that either of us go out, but I am definitely the more extroverted of the two of us. I used to enjoy going out a lot more (maybe once every week or so) but we moved across the country a few years ago and that combined with being a relationship means I go out significantly less (once every few months). The problem is that I will be invited to something and will decide to go, and will always invite my boyfriend along. When/if he comes (he does not often come out with me), he always has a bad time and is always upset by the time we get home because he “didn’t have fun” or “didn’t know anyone” or “I abandoned him”. This is frustrating to me because we go out at MOST once every couple months and it feels like I have to pay for it afterwards and hear about how awful it was. I don’t expect him to come along with me to everything, but it doesn’t feel unreasonable to expect that he can go out every few months and not complain at the end. My friends are kind, always include him, and he is not being ostracized at these events. He has friends but really rarely goes out to see any of them, and I do also go out with him and his friends on occasion and always have fun and make sure to be positive all night.
Has anyone dealt with this? How do you even approach this? Most recently, we went out and on the drive home he was clearly upset. I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said no. I asked him if he had fun, he said no. I asked him what he needed and he said he didn’t want to talk about it because, “I would just get sad and be upset”. Is it really asking so much to socialize every once in a while and not make me feel like I dragged him out afterwards?
TLDR; my boyfriend hates going out with me, we only go to big social events every few months, when we get home he is always angry and stressed and says he has a bad time and this is frustrating to me.
Comments
Stop inviting him and tell him it’s because he’s acting like a child. Why are we putting up with these actions?
Frankly, just don’t go out with him. He clearly hates it. You either let it go and enjoy socializing without him or you break up.
I would stop inviting him. He doesn’t have fun. Go without him.
Can you imagine living your rest of your life like this? It may be that the two of you are simply not compatible in the long term.
Stop inviting him. You know he’s not going to enjoy himself and he will end up making your night miserable as well. Leave him at home
You ARE “dragging him out”. He clearly doesn’t want to go out. There’s nothing wrong with that. He prefers to stay at home. If he forced you to do something you don’t like doing for three or four hours every week, you’d resent the hell out of him. When women drag men to social events, it often makes them feel like an accessory, not a person. I’ve been dragged to social events before where my date took off the moment we arrived and I was stuck somewhere I didn’t want to be with nobody around that I knew. I felt like I was a coat that she had checked at the door. If you are at the social events together, then you need to be together at the social event especially if you know he doesn’t want to be there. He compromised by showing up, you need to compromise by not leaving him by himself.
He’s not having a bad time due to circumstances beyond his control. He’s choosing to have a bad time and complain about everything to ruin the experience for you.