Hey guys so i’m 22(F) and my boyfriend is 23(M). we’ve been together for about a year and a half now and he’s been discussing wanting to go on a trip to the US with his guys. This a trip that won’t occur for another year but i’m already freaking out about it.
I don’t want to come off as an overly controlling girlfriend, really the biggest issue I have is that all of his friends are single. They tend to “gee” each other up and all that testosterone in the air gets them really excited. I trust my boyfriend and know he won’t do anything like cheat on me, I just worry his friends are going to want to do certain things like strip clubs or bringing girls back to the hotel room and i know it’s kind of unreasonable to tell my boyfriend to just go to another room by himself.
I feel like if they were in relationships, it would be different. My partner wouldn’t feel so left out, they would understand “girlfriend” time on the trip and maybe even want the girlfriends to go with them. I know his friends are good guys, but I also know what guys are like, especially in an unsupervised trip. am i being unreasonable? I just know his friends want to talk and flirt and hookup with women (they never do cause they never go up to women) and my friends are not like that. i don’t know, guess i just want to know the general consensus on this topic and if im just being absolutely crazy. i obviously want him to have fun with his friends, i just worry he’ll be in comprising positions and get too excited with the guys and not make time to talk to me while he’s there.
I guess i just want to hear some opinions and what i can do from here on out to handle the distance.
TLDR; boyfriend going on trip with single friends. feeling anxious and uncomfortable. opinions? and tips and tricks for handling the distance.
Comments
Do you know and trust the friends?
For a long time I was the partnered friend with single guy friends and they all know/love my partner so going out with them on a guys trip was mostly super chill or like me wingmanning them almost acting as a gay best friend and the only guy not intimidated to speak to other women.
>I just worry his friends are going to want to do certain things like strip clubs or bringing girls back to the hotel room and i know it’s kind of unreasonable to tell my boyfriend to just go to another room by himself.
It’s not unreasonable at all. If your BF respects you, then he should have no problem telling his friends “Sorry, I am not going to go to a strip club” or “let me know when the girls you picked up have left, I’ll be in the pool/gym/lounge/whatever” or, if he can, in his own room.
As for handling the distance, by that time, you will have been together for close to 3 years. If you can’t trust him to not cheat on you or go to a strip club (if you have both agreed that is not something that is acceptable), then you have bigger issues.
And I wouldn’t get worried about talking to each other all the time. Make a commitment to text a couple of times a day, and to chat every couple of days, and don’t get hung up on “we didn’t talk today!!”
As I said above, by the time the trip happens, it will have been almost 3 years.
>I know his friends are good guys, but I also know what guys are like, especially in an unsupervised trip.
Get that idea out of your head. Guys in relationships, when they travel and their partner isn’t with them, don’t cheat and don’t put themselves in compromising positions.
Partners going on trips by themselves or with friends are super important for the relationship. This is a good thing. Nothing you say or do is going to make the relationship work besides letting it happen and trusting him.
If you refuse to let him go, the relationship is doomed.
If you demand he make time to FaceTime you regularly, he will resent you. His friends will give him shit.
You need to let go and let this happen if you want the relationship to last. Don’t insert yourself into his guys trip because you’re at home feeling insecure. He will call you when he gets a chance. If you’re needy and demanding of couples time while he is on an OS trip with his mates, you’re going to push him away.
Don’t try to control him. Just be happy he is having this experience.
I basically stopped reading as soon as you said “I trust my bf but…”
You either trust him or you don’t. It’s that simple.
You say you know he would never cheat on you, so then what’s the issue here? So what if he has fun with friends while away from you, or if those friends do things you wouldn’t want him doing? You trust him and know he wouldn’t cheat on you or do something that would harm you or the relationship, so it’s a moot point.
Right?
I see this same scenario all of the time in these subs, tho usually it’s a guy struggling with his gf getting attention, and him swearing that he trusts her, it’s just the other guys he doesn’t trust. That’s BS. And I say the same thing to them as I am to you: you trust him or you don’t. Everything else that happens after that comes back to this simple reality.
If you trust him and know he’s a good guy, then there’s nothing to worry about because you can trust him to do the right thing even if his friends pressure him to do wrong. If you don’t trust him tho, then your relationship is already in peril and it has nothing to do with his friends or him traveling out of the country.
Figure that out before he leaves.
You either trust him, or you don’t.
If he was going to cheat, he would already be doing that in his home city.
I’m sure you’ll want to take a girls trip at some point too. Think about what reaction and response you’d want from him during that situation. Match that same energy