hi! so my boyfriend of 5 months has had a porn addiction the entire time. he also had it before we started dating. he gets off every single day, most of the time as soon as he wakes up. i think i may be a hypocrite because while i don’t do it everyday i still do it a lot. i don’t know why i care so much especially because i do it too. but i’ve talked to him and he told me he doesn’t see a problem because he would rather do things with me… anyways im not sure what to do or how to stop caring? why do i care? any advice?
boyfriend has an addiction
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Why do you care so much? Maybe you guys can do it in the mornings so he doesn’t have to watch porn?
But it’s understandable you’re struggling. It’s not about the porn itself it’s about feeling like he’s choosing a routine over connecting with you in a more personal way. Even though he says it’s not an issue, it can still feel hurtful when you’re craving more of his attention and focus.
It may be just the age and your hormones. I wouldn’t care too much unless it’d interfering with your daily life. However, being able to stop any addiction is a sign of good character?
Next time you catch him administer a strong electric shock to his genitals. This will create a negative association with the undesired behavior.
Or it may just help him discover a new kink.
I think age kind of has a factor in this. How old are you?
Having a porn addiction is tough and he won’t quit just because you don’t like it. He has to want to quit.
Once a day doesn’t really make it a problem. Maybe attempt to engage in physical intimacy instead? A great way to bond and a new couple and then he won’t be self pleasuring so it won’t bother you?
Normal
Porn addiction is a thing and is linked to a lot of unfavorable outcomes. Sometimes in relationship, he may cause sexual problems and not being able to enjoy partnered sex etc. there are other things as well
Testosterone peaks in the morning so it is completely natural. In fact it means he is healthy. DON’T take it personally unless he whips out his laptop to watch porn to get off every single time
I think it might be worth noting down some questions and concerns and having another sit down chat with him. This is clearly something you’re both struggling with and ideally you both need to get on the same page so you can a. Understand exactly what the issues are from either side and b. Work on a compromise that keeps you both comfortable and happy.
It’s not hypocritical just because you watch porn on occasion and it’s understandable why this being a daily occurrence, especially first thing in the morning, is a problem for you. As unpleasant as it is, it’s normal to start questioning things related to this. That’s why it’s important to establish common ground and get a better understanding of why this is an issue from both sides. Him feeling the need to do this every day could be simple or something quite deep under the surface – you won’t know unless you ask.
Addiction or habit? Is he unable to stop or has he not tried? Is he addicted to porn or just to masturbation? Does he do it to instead of being with you or in addition to? Does it stop him getting on with other things he should be doing? Does it affect his mood not to do it? If he can’t stop himself from doing it then he has a problem. If he doesn’t want to, and you’re not comfortable with it, then you have a a different kind of problem and you’ll have to decide where you want to set your boundaries.
How large is his freind? I bet it doesn’t match up to mine
I feel like a post of this nature comes up every day. Interesting.
I think it’s normal.
I just bang my girl in the morning. She calls it a morning workout.
Maybe try that.
If this isn’t an issue now it will become one eventually. You’ll lose interest in it while his appetite for it will grow. Recognize where you’re at in this relationship and why you are in it.
Watching porn and whacking off once a day, on its own, doesn’t scream addiction.
Is he unable to perform with you? Does he finish way too quickly? Can he get hard on his own without porn? Those would be bigger red flags.
If he’s doing it every morning, and you’re there, AND you’ve also got a high libido … why aren’t you guys having morning sex? I guess that’d be my first thing. Try that; if he rejects those advances, then yeah maybe there’s something else going on.
Like anything else, porn addition is real. Maybe he needs a therapist.
If you’re not going to get him off everyday, then mind your own business. Some people just need it more, especially dudes.
Whenever someone is upset by something and they don’t know why, they really need to reflect more. There’s a reason. We don’t know it, but you do.
As a drug addict with many years clean
I think OP is experiencing the frustration of not being “heard” or understood and I say this in terms of there is a sense of powerlessness that comes from someone who you like/love is violating your trust and you know it doesn’t exactly coincide with who you feel this person could be / can be
During the years I used meth I can say I worshipped it. I didn’t see anything else except myself and it and it was all I cared about. The obsession and craving went beyond the conventional “will power” – this was more akin to self will run riot –
therapy – addiction counseling – sex addiction counseling etc they’re resources out there.
id try to view it as your person isn’t good or bad they are sick trying to get well. If it turns out it wasn’t meant to be it was a good learning experience for both of you
I wish you luck on your adventure
edited: if it’s a true addiction – it goes beyond the conventional – it’s the obsession and betrayal one is willing to due, a sacrifice of their principal in order to obtain instant gratification; either through sexual or chemical or both kinda ways
If it bothers you then you both should stop. I encourage you to look up the effects of porn on the brain and it is a leading cause of divorces. It is addictive because of the quick dopamine fix and your bonding hormones are going to a screen instead of bonding with each other. Also if you are content in your relationship you don’t need to be looking or fantasizing about other people.