Hey folks, I (20F) went cycling with my boyfriend (21M) a few days back. I put on a nude-brown lipstick—not to attract anyone, just because I wanted to feel good about myself. He snapped at me, saying something like, “Who puts on lipstick for cycling?” because a few guys were looking. Felt like classic insecurity.
After that, he went weirdly silent. Even when we reached the river, he sat there lost in thought. I had to insist on grabbing coffee. Since then, his texts are flat and generic, nothing like before. I stopped reaching out after two days, and he didn’t text back.
He recently became president of a college committee, so I thought maybe he’s busy—but the timing feels too on-point with that day. I’m confused: did I mess up? Is this insecurity? Or is he pulling away?
Should I give him space, or bring it up directly? Any insights?
edit: also the fact that he is so Manipulative that even if its his mistake he will explain in such a way that I started doubting myself whether am I right? also I have self esteem issues cherry on the cake.
Comments
If putting on lipstick made him spiral like that, he is an absolute loser and you dodged a hurricane of insecurity.
Have you tried – I don’t know – communicating with him? Hey I noticed you are a little distant. What’s going on?
Yo, honestly, seems like he’s overreacting. Who says you can’t feel good while cycling? Wearing lipstick ain’t about attracting dudes, it’s about feeling empowered, feeling yourself. His response reeks of insecurity tbh, not cool to put you down like that. You didn’t mess up, he did.
His ghosting feels immature, ain’t a great way to handle whatever he’s feeling. Better to talk about it, ya know? My hot take – communicate directly, but keep it calm. If he’s still being salty or giving ya the cold shoulder, then it’s red flag territory. No one needs that kinda negativity, y’feel? Anyway, good luck!
Yikes on bikes. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your boyfriend on the other hand did, by snapping at you for putting lipstick on. You could have put the brightest red shade in the world and it still would have been appropriate if it made you feel good. I’m dunes so stressed that he lashes out at you, give him space, let him find a therapist to sort through his insecurities, and find someone who wants to help with you.
Give him the space of the rest of his life.
Narcissist much?
That’s so weird. I’d love it if guys were staring at my girl … Too bad she’s with me 😂
He has severe trauma from something in his past
He needs to see a psychiatrist and a therapist
And for you to break up with him
Doesn’t become his therapist, it’s not your job to
Ditch the loser. What a baby
He sounds like he’d turn into a controlling jerk. Like this is just the start. I’d give him as much space as he wants and move on.
Your 20…move on
You put lipstick on – you didn’t kill anyone.
He sounds completely pathetic and has a jealous streak, which is no good in men or women.
Block.
You’re absolutely right he is extremely manipulative. He’s got you asking strangers if you did something wrong by putting some lipstick on before going cycling..Really?
Narcissist . Run away!!!!! Red flag! Read up
On it. My daughter is married to one and walks on egg shells.
Classic controlling behavior only likely to escalate. Get back on your bike and flee!
Sounds like it’s a way to control you. I couldn’t even wear makeup to the dentist once with an ex and surprise surprise he became controlling / emotionally abusive later on.
That’s like you flipping out over him wearing some cologne it’s ridiculous please move on you are too young for this nonsense
He is pulling away. You have different values. Let him go.
Are you sure the comment and his actions are related? You could truly be reading into this way more than it is. I’d have a conversation with him, not the internet.
You don’t need to justify what you wear (either clothes, or make up) to any partner. A couple should be two independent people pulling in the same direction as a team, not one person forcefully exerting their will on the other person. He needs to grow up.
Grandmamma here.
This relationship may have run its course. Sometimes when people who lack maturity want to end a relationship, they do one of three things.
Find insignificant or innocent things to be angry or accusatory about.
Behave badly themselves so you’ll react and end things.
Pretend to be too busy or preoccupied to communicate.
This guy sounds like a pro.
End it. He’s jealous AF and it’s only going to get worse from here. Little boys.
He’s a child move on
He is cheating!
Communicate with him. If he can’t have an honest conversation with you about his feelings, then he’s not the one for you. If he’s really spiraling because of lipstick, he needs to see a therapist.
Trust your gut dump him.
3 things from unc.
How long have you been together? If he’s always like this then I’d say ditch him. I’ve been in relationships with a person like that and it never gets better.
Good luck, girl x
What a baby. Irrationally jealous & possessive. Dump him & run.
My wife puts on makeup to go everywhere, I dont understand it, but I dont have to… she loves it and it makes her super happy..thats all I need to know
Run. If that triggered him, He’s a narcissist and will ruin your life.
Get out now.
After reading your post and the responses I took the time to put my self in your boyfriends shoes. It is more than likely he is insecure but don’t just throw him away. I had two older brothers that gave me a lot of guidance when navigating relationships. Your boyfriend could have no one to teach him and is having to learn how to be secure and understand when applying lipstick is just applying lipstick.
It is unfortunate, but if he is worth it you may have to help him get there. I am sure a lot of people may disagree with me, ( and that’s fine). Be direct as one of the other posters said,”stay calm,” and take the time to reassure (teach), him.
You are both young and being secure doesn’t just manifest it takes time and experience.
I wish you both the best and I hope I have given you food for thought!
Good Luck!
If a guy gets that into his brain over lipstick, that’s worrisome. If he’s just a boyfriend I’d let it slide and not reach out. Let him make the first move.
Maybe he realized how big of a goofball he was… who knows?
Take the win!
Block him. He’s not worth a minute of your time.
Just confront him directly and ask what his issue is? If he acts like a child and wants to be dismissive, then walk away. You are 20. You need to be out having fun, not dealing with this stupid shit.
You did nothing wrong. Good on him for showing you his true colors. Now you can move on with no regrets.
He’s seeing someone on the side. Time to investigate.
Western civilization is falling… Hopefully I am old enough that I will not see it’s final demise. WTF did I just read?
You sound like a lovely young woman. Anyone who snaps out about wearing lipstick like that has something wrong with him.
Do you really need the thought police monitoring your every move like that?
I (m) have a female friend who invited me to a park that has a lake. She started getting all uptight because I played with my dog. My dog loves fetching, he wears a life jacket because he’s a boston terrier and could drown easily. He loves chasing his toy out into the lake. This “friend” was wining how much time I spent with my dog. And wanted me to stop playing with him… we played for like 20 minutes…. Then I joined her at the picnic table & she continued to make comments about “how close he is with his dog.” In a passive aggressive way… i don’t know wtf her problem was but I get more joy from my dog’s company than her company. So I got up and we played fetch for a while on dry land then I told her and her little friends “nice to meet you. Nice to see you. See you later.”
The older I get, the less I want my precious time to be interfered with by inferior people who belittle me or try to control my behavior. I have been anti social essentially all summer long & I go out 1 time & regret it with in 10 minutes…. I choose to be alone or be around cool people who respect me…most of my true friends are really busy with life, work, kids…. That’s why I like to be a loner…
Anyway, I had to be re-reminded yesterday at this park why I stay away from people most of the time. Some people suck
Makeup is about you and feeling YOUR best. If he’s insecure you didn’t “mess up”. I’m concerned that you assume it’s you.
It’s him. Honestly you don’t need this in your life.
I agree with him!!!!!
Yeahs wholly overreacting. You’re not bad at all for wanting to feel good or whatever though in my opinion, a pig headed dude, it sounds plainly ridiculous to even want to assure you look good on your bike ride. I suppose I’m not seeing it right as I cycle for exercise and work up a sweat and just couldn’t imagine say doing my hair or something else before going out— if imagine if I were a girl I’d probably just put my hair up before leaving?
I dunno.
Your issue is most unfortunate cuz he’s yet to explain himself to you so you’re yet to be sure just what exactly his perception is.
I read you say he’s manipulative— I should have assumed. He’s gonna constantly tear you down and punish you with avoidance if you’re not being a good little doll for him.
Close this door so you can open the next one. Happy cycling
Some men are looking for women who can be natural, especially during leisure times. You guys are just different, and you need to move on. There is nothing wrong with either of you.
It’s seems like a lot of women are dating men who spiral over basic things. Going to be alone forever.
Wow he’s basically ghosting you over wearing lipstick while cycling? What? Who even does that sort of thing? You’re so lucky the trash took itself out!
As for your self-esteem issues, I empathize. A lot of young people go through that. But we work to shed them as we age. The great thing is, you don’t have to wait until you’re an old fart like me to cultivate self-esteem. You can start right now. Self esteem is a gift you can give yourself. It starts by reminding yourself you have a basic human right to the pursuit of happiness. And you don’t have to live your life for the male gaze or under male domination. A lot of men are making that demand of young women now but you are not obligated to live up (or down) to their expectations and demands. It’s your ship, you’re the captain, you determine the course.
Now most reasonable people follow certain dress codes for very formal serious occasions like weddings, funerals, job interviews, and certain occupations. Beyond that, most people deem themselves free to express themselves through makeup, fashion, and even tattoos and piercings.
It’s fun. My daughter is very shy but she takes her right of self expression seriously and doesn’t care what boyfriends or friends think. She does as she pleases and is pleased when she does when it comes to her hair, makeup and overall styling. She does conform to dress codes for her school and job interviews and other formal events. But on her own time, she’s free. She finds joy in her choices.
There’s no reason you can’t do the same. It’s non negotiable. Maybe someday in another relationship your partner might request you wear a certain style of clothing once in a while. If YOU want to, go for it. But if you don’t, say “I’m sorry that’s really not me.”
Figure out what “me” consists of. This is that great fun time of life to do that. Don’t let anyone poop on your parade.
I wish I could get a Time Machine and take you on a tour of what we (men and women, boys and girls) got up to in the 1980’s. Some guys were as likely to wear lipstick to go bicycling as some girls were! Look up Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran! That man still does as he wants with the makeup. He isn’t gay but doesn’t care about the ignorant people who would call him gay for his choices.
There were several different major style choices in that era and some of us tried them all! The gloriously free and fun Cyndi Lauper was an inspiration to many. There were many others, like Grace Jones, who defied expectations of what a super model should be.
These days, a lot of makeup has built-in SPF so that’s another reason to go ahead and wear some makeup for outdoor activities.
Go forth, be free, and learn to believe in yourself. Do some volunteer work or serve on committees of your own to help build your self confidence and help you realize you already are someone and you deserve to not be made miserable by someone else’s behavior.
His behavior most likely has nothing to do with you. You have mentioned nothing that would indicate that it does.
Lipstick does not control men’s behaviors
Your partner should make you feel better about yourself, not worse. Dump this insecure loser and find someone who makes you shine.
Is lipstick really that attention grabbing to men?? lol. That guy seems like a lunatic, and you don’t need to be dealing with that.
Dump the boy and find a (young) man.
Putting on lipstick, isn’t something for him to get upset about. If he is, I would suggest that you take this as a sign that things will not be any better in the future.
I understand that you probably would like to see him change his ways, but until he is ready to do so, he won’t. Trying to tell him that you are going to leave if he doesn’t, won’t change anything, as you are still there. Let him know that you cannot be waiting for him to stop his manipulation and that you are going to move on with your life and suggest that he work on his communication and insecurities before trying to start a new relationship, to give things the best chance they can have.
“I put on lipstick and men were staring at me.” 🙄
If he freaks out about a little lipstick he’s got some weird ideas that honest communication isn’t going to be able to fix.
He’s looking for something to justify his insecurity, and be mad about.
Does he have a handbook of rules of what people are and aren’t allowed to wear while cycling? No. Bc it doesn’t exist.
Imagine how he would handle an actual problem if he flips out about some nude lipstick.
You should absolutely give him space. Forever.
OMFG
Just let this twat of a man go.
Maybe you are his first. maybe he will realize he over reacted and come around. yall are still so young. Learning about respect for partners and boundaries of relationships. Is this the only time he has reacted this way?
Ditch the loser. You’re like any normal young woman. You want a lover for fun and laughs and romance. You’re not looking to work as an unpaid psychiatric nurse. Send him a termination notice. Good luck and a happy romance life.
Best wishes.
Pardon
Your edit alone says you should be extremely grateful he became so insecure about lipstick that he’s gone silent.
Make his silence a permanent choice for your well-being.