Hey everyone, I’m looking for some advice regarding my sex life in my relationship ‘F 20’, ‘M 20’. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and have had sex HUNDREDS of times with him. I have never finished and never even gotten close, and I can understand many times where this would not happen because I have never had an orgasm from penetration before, and I don’t expect that, but when we have infinite time as well as vibrators in the room with us, he doesn’t seem to care about my pleasure whatsoever.
It has always been all about him, and every time he asks for anything sexual I pretty much say yes and do whatever he asks me to. He always finishes, sometimes multiple times a day because he wants head during car rides (I get nothing) and then he wants it before and after sex (he’s given me head less than 10 times in our entire relationship and when he has it has been for no longer than 5 minutes each time). I always do this because I WANT him to feel good and I CARE about his pleasure and him finishing in our sexual encounters. So many times I’m left feeling used because I give so much and get nothing in return.
Today we were alone in my house and had my vibrator with us, and we had sex, he briefly used the vibrator for me during sex and then turned it off and threw it to the side. Then came the time where he wanted me to suck him off so he could finish, and I asked him to use the vibrator while I did so. Eventually he finished before I was really even given the chance, and then he was just like “can i stop or do you want me to keep going” and I said I didn’t want him to stop because I wanted to try and finish FOR ONCE. He like didn’t seem into it because he had already gotten what he wanted and then tried to like rush me and just held it there doing nothing or saying nothing or not regarding me for about 5 minutes before I was just like hey like do you just want to go. And then he left and didn’t care.
I’m like so tired of asking him to care about me emotionally or sexually, but he’s my best friend and the person I do everything with. I can’t keep going on like this because it hurts so bad every single day and I always end up feeling unattractive and desperate and stupid for giving him everything and it not being reciprocated. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? I’ve been told by all of my friends to break up with him, and I’m getting there but it is just so hard because I love him and I love being around him when it’s good.
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He is useless. Dump him, it’s hard to do worse.
You can’t teach thoughtfulness. Don’t settle for less.
How is he your best friend if he doesn’t care about you?
If he’s neglecting your needs when you’re literally asking him to get you off then there’s nothing else for you to do. Move on, find someone who cares about you and WILL get you off – Life’s too short!
Dump him but also do not give head in a moving vehicle that’s extremely dangerous for you, the driver, and everyone else on the road.
Sounds awful. It’s also not like he can’t, he just doesn’t care to
He’s your best friend??? Girl get better friends.
He is not your best friend, your best friend would care about you enough to get you off. Life is too short for bad sex! Find you a man who can be your best friend for real!
Why is he your boyfriend? Find someone more considerate.
Ask him for some time to talk seriously about this. Tell him how you feel about this all, and that it has to change in order for you to feel better in this relationship. Bring it up multiple times the following days. So that you at least tried your best. If it doesn’t change in the following time, you can safely draw your conclusions (either take a break from the relationship, maybe he changes afterwards because he knows you mean it, or break up).
that sounds frustrating to say the least, if you are communicating your needs and he is ignoring you, keep him as a friend, and find a more emotionally mature and empathetic partner to reciprocate your intimacy needs, what you’re asking for is entry level stuff in any relationship
Why are you with this fucking loser when you could have another guy that is willing to treat you like a partner and is invested in your good time? You are so young. It is time to dump the loser and find somebody better.
ask yourself why you want to be with someone who doesn’t care if you are happy.
this is what I’d tell my best friend: you’re a sex toy to him and he doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate because he doesn’t care about you. there’s absolutely no other explanation. this doesn’t happen in healthy relationships.
I never understand couples in this situation. As a guy, one of my favorite things is getting my wife off… her orgasm is as much fun for me as my own. It has the added bonus that once she’s taken care of I can be done in 2 minutes or 20 and it doesn’t matter. For the women in these relationships, why would you have repeated sex with someone who isn’t interested in your pleasure? Someone who really cares about you would want you to experience pleasure.
You basically have two choices… the first is obvious, break up right away. Your second choice is to sit him down when you’re not having sex and explain that you need sex to be mutually pleasurable or else you’re going to break up. If you go with option 2 though you gotta stick with it… don’t accept 2-3 halfhearted attempts and then a return to the old style. If you’re not getting off at least 90% of the time you’re having sex then its time to move on.
He’s not your best friend, he is a shitty bf that likes that you get his rocks off at his demand. How long would he stick around if something happened and no sex was available for months. Do you actually think he would be there to support you and take care of you if you were ill? He can’t even rub a vibrator on your clit and suck a tit or something. You are young and it seems hard to see now but when you are 35 you will look back and think to yourself how were you this dumb. Be confident, stick up for yourself and be with people that give as well as they get.
Use the vibrator when you have sex with him. Otherwise, you’re just being treated like a sex doll. I don’t understand that in this day and age boys/men don’t get that sex is for the pleasure of both partners.
Why have you allowed this to go on for TWO YEARS?? This was his mistake the first time, your mistake for every time after. Stop being a doormat.
Accepting this would be a no for me. A person can only disregard my feelings for so long before I walk away and find someone that actually cares OR, just take that time to focus on me. When he ask to be pleasured, don’t do it. Let him see how it feels to have his wants and needs disregarded. You may see a change after that or you may not, and If not… it’s time to reevaluate this relationship. I know you say you love him and love being around him when it’s good but…. is it really worth it though when this person dismisses your needs and only concerned about what HE wants? How is that acceptable for you?
You’re too young to be having this much shit sex. He clearly doesn’t give a single fuck about your pleasure or by extension being with you aside from some form of blow up doll. A real partner reciprocates enthusiastically. Find one of them.
He’s a selfish lover. You can do better.
Break up. Think of it this way. Would you eat a piece of bread where the corner was mouldy? No you’d throw it out. It’s the same with dating.
By all means be friends with this guy but sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and he’s not willing to make it good for you. This is not healthy. And he is choosing this
Bad boyfriend. Should have atleast a little compassion and no act like it’s a chore to help you finish
>I love being around him when it’s good
Spoken like every abused partner ever. That’s not to say he is abusive(yet), but he obviously cares very little about something important to you. Seriously, girl. DUMP HIM. These years are about learning what you will and won’t accept in a relationship. Don’t accept a man who doesn’t care about you and just uses you as a sex toy.
I’m a dude, btw. If that matters.
Do you understand that you don’t orgasm simply because boyfriend has no fucking idea what to do in bed?
Well yes, it is common that women don’t orgasm from penetration, that doesn’t mean you can’t. Or that it’s an excuse to let him off the hook.
You’re dating a guy who has zero skills and doesn’t want to learn any. Just dump him.
He’s using you for sex, and a guarantee he knows he isn’t getting you off, he probably gets off on the control. Sounds like a nightmare, sorry you’re dealing with this.
Of the men I’ve had sex with there was only one who didn’t care about my pleasure. He’s the only one I had sex with once. Get rid of him.
So you’re a blow up doll?
Girl, demand better for yourself. Break up with this selfish asshole and go find a real man. And look inward to consider why you have tolerated this for so long.
I (51F) will tell you what I tell everyone, including my straight daughter.
You have agency over your body. You decide what your bf gets to do with your body. You get to make ground rules.
Mine have always been I need to climax prior to PIV. Foreplay is not done until I have climaxed one or more times. I have never had a man refuse this. I suspect this is also why I am easily able to climax with penetration.
You deserve to be an active participant in sex. You deserve to climax just as much as your bf does. Your body makes him climax. It’s his job to make you climax.
You are WAYYY too young for this garbage. Dump him and move on. You deserve to get off the same as he does. F this guy. So happy I’m sapphic. JFC
Yes dump him, or at least warn him cuz like i know its hard and i share delusions. So like tell him if he doesn’t do better you are gonna dump his sorry ass.
And if he is actually okey dude and is otherway worth keeping (prob not tho) you can just do to him what he is doing to you until he cares or u dump him.
But don’t like wait too much cuz if he is not good for you he is just not good for you.
Wait a second – you’re so tired of asking him to care about you EMOTIONALLY as well as sexually? So it’s not just the sex part? What kind of best friend even is this?
You’re young, so the conclusion here isn’t jumping out for you as clearly as it is for us. You are accepting very poor behaviour from your “best friend” here, please read the comments and ruminate on them.
Why are you doing all this for him if he’s doing absolutely nothing for you? Your many many many sexual favors can stop until he gets you off.
Example: my husband makes sure I have multiple orgasms before the sex. Every. Time.
If he’s not taking care of you physically or emotionally, literally what is the point of him? Why even be with him? You’re 20, you can get a guy who actually gives a shit about you.
You are only 20 please leave and find someone that actually cares about you and making you feel good.
He’s selfish.
You’re young and this relationship is part of your journey in finding about yourself, relationships, and what you really want out of one.
Use this as a learning experience about what you do and don’t want, and go find a partner that’ll give you what you want and need.
Good luck
Uhh, you need to start satisfying yourself — yes when he’s in your presence. You need to STOP giving him ANY sex. And you need to say, “I will do this myself.”
He’s not your best friend, your vibrator is.
He is NOT your best friend.
The real question is why are you with him and allowing this to continue?
Do better.
1.) Your partner should not be your “best friend”.
2.) This guy sucks donkey dicks
Life is too short my friend. Find someone who makes you sing from the rooftops! This guy isn’t the one.
Hey, he doesn’t like you. Like… at all.
Girl no.
“but he’s my best friend?”
HOW?
WHY?
You’ll love being around anyone when it’s good. Anyone that you like is lovely to be around when things are good. Love is about liking being around your SO when everything else is falling apart.
I’ve been with my wife through a lot of shit and we suffered from a lot of things but never from each other. I cried desperately many times, not once because of her. She’s the reason I fight through pain, not the pain I need to fight through.
Life has many ways to destroy you. Political crisis affecting your livelihood, unemployment, diseases, family tragedies, life will bring you the worst many many times. Make sure the person you love cares for you and brings you relief instead of being part of your suffering.
People will treat you how you let them. Do you have super low esteem??
Sit him down and tell him exactly what you said here. Let him know you are getting nothing back sexually and can’t go on like that. He’s young and a lot of young guys are clueless when it comes to how to be a good lover. If he isn’t willing to step it up, you have a decision to make.
Do you remember doing things like going to the first day at a new school? And it’s so scary at first but after a week or two it feels so normal? That’s what breaking up with someone like him is like. It’s scary because it’s new and unknown, but within a couple weeks you’ll have a totally different life that will feel so much better.
When someone you trust treats you like that, it brings you down lower than you realize. Get rid of him and you will thrive.
You’d be much better off breaking up, a partner who actually cares about you cares about your satisfaction.
When I was in the relationship before my current partner it was the same thing, I did whatever he wanted and pleased him any way I could, but he couldn’t be bothered with me finishing. It was an awful relationship in many many other ways and I look back and can’t believe the absolute ridiculous behavior I put up with.
On the complete opposite side of the scale is my current partner, he’s incredible and caring and makes me feel like I’m the most desirable woman in the whole world. With him I can’t believe I settled for any less, there’s many other men that would treat you as good as you treat them, you just have to get rid of this wet bag of Mayo first.
So don’t let him finish anymore, have him pleasure you first until you’re ready and don’t let him finish at all awhile. See where that gets you.
He doesn’t care and you can’t make him care, you can chose if that’s what you think you deserve.
Even when I was 20 I cared and would always have my girl cum at least once or twice every time we did it. Some people are selfish and it’s not like he’s going to just start caring magically one day. Your resentment will only grow stronger each day. I’d break up with him.
He’s a narcissist asshole….run…fast and far away. He will only ever been concerned for himself and you need to find yourself, someone that wants to explore what gets you there and have the confidence not to be so accommodating and submissive!!! Go get yours girl!
Stop giving him head, especially while driving that’s very dangerous. Sit him down and tell him he’s not pleasuring you and you don’t enjoy the sex. If her cares about you he’ll change and if he doesn’t then break up and find someone who will
A real best friend would not treat you like this. They would care about how you feel. Your bf is a selfish ass that doesn’t deserve you. Go put that energy and dedication into someone who reciprocates it.
Your best friend is the one telling you to break up with this selfish human
Girl. No.
He keeps you around because NO ONE else in this world would put up with this.
Stop fucking people who don’t care about you. This should be a lifelong rule you follow.
He’s never going to care. Stop settling. He’s not your best friend. Your best friend would care about making you feel good. At the very least stop giving him blow jobs all the time. He doesn’t deserve it. I’ve been there done that and as a 31F I’ll never deal with a lazy pos loser like that again. Not after being with men who can’t even get hard without going down on me or pleasing me in some way. I love to return the favor and make my partner feel good. But not at my own expense and def not for a man who uses me like a sex doll, which is exactly what your lame ass bf is doing to you. Think of this as some tough love from an older sister. You can do better.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t have any advice. It’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t do anything for me most times. If he does something it’s him touching me for 10 seconds and even then I feel guilty because I know he doesn’t want to.
Good god woman how can you say “I’ve had sex HUNDREDS of time with one (1) uno guy and I have NEVER finished,” and not go ew?
Can you please get some self-respect? Why do you not deserve to be treated well?
Just dump him. He is selfish and doesn’t give a shit about you. You are young, believe me, there are better guys out there. This one isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship.
How long exactly do you think he would stay with you if you never gave him head or made him come?? Have some self respect. Carry on being the best friend of this selfish man if it means that much but why on earth would you want to remain his gf?
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
DTMFA