TL;DR; The other day my boyfriend M22 asked for a break between me F22 randomly. He said our relationship wasn’t healthy but didn’t want to expand on why he felt that way. He then later stated that he needed time apart to focus on his mental health.
We are currently on break and we both agreed it would be best to not text or hangout with eachother. I am feeling really lost and confused and am wondering if it’s better to just break up so I am not being stringed along until he decides he wants a breakup. I don’t want to break up with him but it’s hard to know what to do. Advice on what I should do and if i should break no-contact?
I just wanted to add he made it clear that it would only be for two weeks and he doesn’t want me seeing anyone during that time
Comments
Dont stay where you are not needed, why go through all this? You have a whole life ahead of you, let go
Isn’t a break a break uo?
What does that mean? Is he actually doing therapy, or what does this focus look like? It sounds a bit vague.
Just tell him it’s too hard to live in that uncertainty and that you prefer to have a clean break instead of dealing with the stress and worry. Wish him the best and move on. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Asking for a break is a breakup – I don’t know why people think they can put a whole person on pause. Take the “break” as a breakup and you don’t even need to tell him about it – I’d say it’s better if you don’t.
Just keep no contact and proceed like you’ve broken up and by the time he figures his shit out you’ll have already realized how much better off you are without him.
Move on and find a new person. It takes 2 people to be in a relationship if one person wants out it’s over. There is no use in trying to “fight for something”
I’m not a believer in “breaks” but if someone wants one and isn’t even willing to articulate the problem, let alone explain any sort of plan to fix it, I’d definitely be out. Stay no contact and take this as a break up.
Breaks don’t work.
Any issue that’s important enough to take a “break” over is either 1) solvable, and important enough for the couple to buckle down and work through together, or 2) not solvable, and important enough to break up outright over.
When someone wants a “break”, it’s for one of the following reasons:
He incorrectly believes that “time apart” will fix something that it simply cannot fix, or
He actually wants to break up, but doesn’t want to be the Bad Guy, so he suggests a “break” with no intention of ever actually getting back together.
To be honest, the first option is the worse of the two, because (since a break can’t actually fix anything, but will make two people miss one another) it will cause you to get back together after the break, and be so excited to be back together that both of you will overlook the fact that the issues that led to the break in the first place are still there.
So things will seem great for a while, but then (since the break didn’t actually fix anything) the same old issues will show up again, and in a few months you’ll be right back where you started.
> I am feeling really lost and confused and am wondering if it’s better to just break up so I am not being stringed along
In a word: yes.
He wants a break because he wants to fuck someone else but have the security of you being a backup in case things go south.
A break is nothing but a soft-launch for a break up. Ditch his ass and find someone who appreciates you.
This is a break up, be open to dating other people.
Find a new boyfriend.
If he’s taking some time to step away for his mental health, that’s his choice to do so. However, that does not mean you have to sit on your hands waiting for him to come back when he feels like it.
Maybe he really is going through something hard and would prefer to deal with it alone, who’s to say? We’re not in his head and can’t answer that for you.
Here’s a thought experiment: Pretend he actually broke up with you, not a “break,” a breakup. He says its for his mental health but doesn’t elaborate or give more details, its just over and maybe he’ll call you if he wants to get back together.
Got that image in your head? Good. Because that’s what has actually happened.
It’s my opinion that there is no such thing as “taking a break,” you’re either together or your not. You need to ask yourself if you would be willing to take him back, and what that might look like.
This doesn’t inherently make him a bad or shitty person, he might legitimately be going through something and want the personal space. But again, there is nothing saying you must wait for him to come back to you when he’s ready. That’s your choice.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
I know you don’t want to, but to me, suddenly asking for a break is a major red flag and is a reason to make it a break up.
Let’s say he truly did want to work on his mental health. That means that he doesn’t trust you enough as a partner to help him. That he’s not willing to talk to you about his issues with both himself and the relationship. That he’s not willing to communicate. And even if you get back together, what’s to stop him from doing this again and again any time he feels stressed? Or worse, you get back together and he’s changed in ways that make you two incompatible?
Unfortunately, what seems to happen all too often is that there is someone new and he’s exploring options right now. Or he wants a taste of the single life again because he thinks he’s “missing out”. And when the truth finally comes out, it’s even worse than the made up excuse of “want to work on myself”.
So, take some time to look up “sunk cost fallacy”. Realize that the person you fell in love with is not the same person that asked for a break. The person you originally fell in love with is gone. So mourn their loss, pack up any of his stuff at your place, and then break no-contact to formally end everything and get back your stuff.
Break up permanently, block, move on. Consider therapy if you’re struggling with any of those.