I met my boyfriend almost a year ago at a speed dating event. (I am now 24, and he is now 34.) I am grateful that he has come into my life. We are even going to move in with each other later this month (that was mostly his idea), and he says that he could see himself possibly marrying me in the future.
However, he said that he isn’t “madly in love with me,” and he thinks that that’s not a bad thing as our love has room to grow over time.
He just loves me. I’m not even sure that he would say that he has fallen in love with me, as he has said “I’m trying to fall in love with you” a few times.
He has admitted that I love him more. This isn’t ideal for me as I would prefer that we were both “madly in love with each other.”
I’m putting in effort to be a better girlfriend for him. I have applied to some higher paying jobs since he wants me to earn more than what my current full-time job pays (and it sounds like I may end up getting a job that I just interviewed for). I also have been learning to cook and cooking for him on Sundays (since he wants a wife who cooks and cleans for him).
He has implied that sex with his ex was better (he said that they would always climax together). Meanwhile, I’ve never had an orgasm. I’m wondering if the sex & my averageness as a person is why he isn’t “madly in love with me.”
How can I make him love me more than he has ever loved anyone?
TL;DR; : Boyfriend isn’t madly in love with me. What do I do?
Comments
dump him, he sounds like a loser.
Dude has implied that sex is better with his ex, he’s telling you what you should be doing with your vocation, you’re trying cook for him.
Dude is never going to be madly in love with you. He sounds like he’s using you as a resource. And I’m not a fan of the whole Reddit “dump him” crap.
But you seriously need to take a careful moment of thought on this situation. Because this isn’t going anywhere great.
This sounds like a manipulation tactic to keep you in his control or believing you are too average to be with anyone else. You’re not! The comments on sex are particularly cruel. If you’re not having an orgasm, it’s prolly cos he doesn’t know what he is doing and you don’t feel entirely safe and happy either.
You’re young, this is not worth it. Do not move in with him, he will chip away at your self esteem over time and it will become worse.
It sounds like he’s negging you to manipulate you into becoming someone who put his desires ahead of your own. Sounds like it’s working. Also, obligatory age gap red flag.
Not gonna lie he sounds like he has low eq. Not everything has to be said even if it’s the truth. He should just keep it to himself. I would be mad if my bf says to me “you’re not the prettiest girl in the world” even though it’s true.
Imo you haven’t done anything wrong.
But to add, he chose you to be in a relationship with. What he said about the rs having room to grow is true. The grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is greener when you water it.
If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable when he says things like this, you can tell him to stop it. Your feelings matter.
Some questions:
Dear OP, this combo is a lot. Not having an orgasm for a year should already put you on alert.
Think about yourself, work on your self steem. You should not be here looking for ways to make him love you more. You are enough as you are.
For a person that does not care enough about you no amount of effort will change that.
Your boyfriend is intentionally manipulating you to “work” for his affection and making you feel like you are not enough for him. It is disgusting.
Your boyfriend (and possible future husband) should be the person who makes you feel confident and loved for who you are. Yours is doing the opposite. What an absolute BS bf.
I’ve dated many men in my time and NONE of them have said this bullshit to me or made me feel “not enough”.
And of course, obligatory ick at a 34 y/o going for a 24 y/o, and the absolute not even surprised at this point that the over a decade older partner is a shitty and manipulative partner.
If your partner hasn’t experienced being madly in love with you within a year of dating, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Saying “I’m trying to love you” is ridiculous. He’s settling and you deserve better. If I were in your situation, I wouldn’t move in and end it before it’s harder to extract yourself.
Also, no chance his ex was climaxing at the same time, all the time. It sounds like witchcraft and fakery.
Get yourself a great vibrator, one that can join you and your future partner so you can warm up nicely for some awesome s*x. You deserve so much more!
If you don’t orgasm from sex with him, that should be grounds for him to feel inadequate, not you. Who climaxes EVERY time? Why is this 34 year old man negging you over your sex compatibility, job, and various other “”shortcomings”””? What has HE done to improve HIMSELF for you?
Baby, this man is with you because other 30+ year old women don’t put up with him.
EDIT I went back and reread that he wants a wife who cooks and cleans for him. Then HE should be making enough money to AFFORD such a thing, not getting YOU to make more money.
Bro, I was the exact girl like you 2 years back. Used to cry, post on reddit too. Same issues and he used to claim I love him more all the time, m more smitten because I was. I loved with all my heart. I broke up with him a few months ago, I don’t regret our time together but the valuable time of my life I spent on someone who didn’t even love me enough.
Break up. It will hurt u more later.
Girl
You’re 24 why are settling with this guy?
There’s a reason he had to resort to speed dating and there’s a reason he’s dating a young woman 10 years his junior. He can’t get his dream woman and women his age can see he’s a loser.
He chose you because;
Stop! trying to change yourself for a man!
All this self-improvement for a man who doesn’t like you and can’t even say he’s in love with you.
Don’t be so desperate to have a man. It’d pathetic to be begging for someone love and validation.
You will wake up one day and realise you have no self-worth because you chose to stay.
Dump him!