So I know that I’m young (14F), and everyone posting here is older, but I figured that could help since maybe some people on here have had this problem. We haven’t really had any problems until we hit our 1 year mark in May.
So its currently summer break, and I’m very busy with family things ALL summer long, its a normal thing for me. Every summer my mom likes to plan outings almost every day, and the few days off from it I get are my resting days to charge up my social battery.
Recently, my bf (15M) has been VERY distant. We can’t really see each other because when one of us isn’t busy, the other is, but I tried my best to keep a steady connection. He, on the other hand, hasn’t at all.
He’s constantly on a video game with his friends, which, I don’t mind him playing games, but it’s become a priority over me. That I do mind. He doesn’t text first (we text because we both don’t really like to call), and when I text first, most of the time he just ignores it and leaves me on read, which I have talked to him about several times. We have had 2 serious conversations in the past month about communicating and he said he’d do better, but when I didn’t text him to see how long it would take for him to actually back that up, it took 2½ days for him to text me, and even then he was complaining about some leadership thing he signed up for in band and was very short. His excuse for not talking to me is that he’s just a distant person, but I feel that isn’t a valid reason to ignore me, when all school year he texted me day and night.
I told him two times already that it’s starting to affect my mental health and mood because I have relationship trauma that ties to a couple relationships I had in the past that were very toxic. He said he was sorry and would do better, but nothing has changed. He said that talking to me is now “awkward because of the serious conversations”. I then said that it was necessary for us to have serious talks because it was a topic that we had been over before and that sometimes relationships need a talk like that to try to fix things.
All of our conversations when I talk about how I feel end in an argument because he says that I just need to lay back. He told me to “stop acting like I have a million problems when I only have 500,000”. Yes, he ACTUALLY said that. I feel blown off and uncared for because he says I just need to loosen up and just be happy. I tried explaining that it doesn’t work like that for me, but he argued saying that it does.
He doesn’t seem to care at all that it’s affecting me, and it doesn’t seem to be affecting him at all. He doesn’t seem to care that he’s emotionally hurting and bringing back bad memories of past relationships that I won’t say much about on here, but I will say that it ended with me being in a really bad place for a long time until I got a dog that recently passed away.
It feels hopeless because I cry at night, scared that we might break up because I have abandonment and separation issues, but he doesn’t seem to care. I have talked to my bsf and my cousin about it, and my cousin says it might not be worth it and he may not be the one, but my mom likes him (she doesn’t know about the current issues), so I don’t want to break up with him and have to explain to my mom.
I now barely want to talk to him because I’m tired of trying in our relationship when he won’t. We have band starting this Friday and I’m dreading going because then I’ll have to talk to him face to face.
TL;DR what should I do when my boyfriend is distant even after trying to talk things out?
Comments
It appears you already know the answer. Summer relationships are hard at your age when you can’t really control how often you see each other.
Relationships need work from both sides, not always 50/50 but sounds like yours is 5/95.
You deserve to be happy and are clearly not, so you either need to get out now or set the ground rules, and if he can’t do what he has to make it work., move on for your own future happiness.