I’ve been up since 3:30am with the baby and it’s currently 8am now. I asked my
boyfriend to watch her for an hour so I can get some rest before he leaves for the day, and he tells he needs one more hour of rest before he has to wake up so to let him sleep🥲
I just wanted an hour of good sleep before i’m
left alone all day with the baby, I watched him snore all night long while I was up with the baby, i’ve been alone with her the last five days as well, I just wanted one hour. I freaked out on him and now I just feel bad, I just don’t understand why he couldn’t just give me one hour of rest. he’s not even going to work, he’s just going out with family for the day
Boyfriend won’t let me get rest with our newborn
r/AITAH
Comments
That’s not fair. You should explain to him that you have been awake for a very long time. My girlfriend also had a baby, and unknowingly I also slept through the night while she was up, we took shifts after she explained to me how difficult it was. Explain to him, it’s not fair that you stay awake all night
Dude, ngl this ain’t right. 😡 Parenting’s a team game, he needs to step TF up. No doubt, it’s tough, but u both signed up for it. Ain’t fair to dump all the hard stuff on u. Next time he’s snoring, wake his ass up and pass the baby. 👶👊 It’s as much his responsibility as yours. Don’t feel bad for expressin’ ya feelings — it’s called communication. 💯 Stay strong, sis! 👊💕
Is this the same boyfriend you’ve previously complained about
You should call his family and thank them for their consideration of him skipping today because he’s going to help you with the baby after a long night. How tired you are and how much you appreciate him stepping up. Watch him weasel out of his responsibility then.
NTA.
Set an expectation with your boyfriend.
“Tomorrow I am taking time for myself when you get home. I will be taking 3 hours to nap, shower and go to the grocery store. You will have the baby.” Then do it.
Why can’t his family come over? Why is he leaving?
This ain’t just about sleep, it’s about respect. He can’t leave ya hanging like that, esp when he’s off for fam hangouts and you’re on baby duty. 24/7 baby care? That’s mental. Ya gotta stand ur ground, momma. You’re a team. He gotta grow up and help out, no excuses. Don’t feel bad, ur human too y’know. ♥️👊🏽 You got this.!
Going out with the family? That baby is his family now. What the heck
Not related to the bf issue, but do you sleep when the baby sleeps during the day? Because my next move with this bf would be to sleep whenever I can, and leave the chores for him.
Make a list of things you won’t be doing anymore because you’ll be sleeping on the baby’s time. Give him that list. If he has any issues with that list, suggest running it by both families, to see if they think it’s fair that you deal with the baby all day and night while your boyfriend sleeps and lives his life like he’s not a new father.
He’s lazy and selfish. You have every right to be mad. You might as well raise the kid alone… He needs to step up.
NTA but ur boyfriend is
Newsflash… you’re a single parent. If he’s not helping or not willing to help you then you’re already doing this alone. Add in the resentment of him not helping festering and you have a recipe for disaster.
Make a choice. Either accept he’s not going to help and get on with it, or leave and do it alone (as you already are) without the added stress of seeing him take the piss out of you. FYI it won’t get any better if you continue as you are.
Sleep depravation is not a joke. And it affects your health and your mental state as well as your ability to care well for your little one.
He sounds selfish. And not as involved with the caring for the baby as he should be, as a parent.
I’m sorry. Sleep depravation is the worst!
You have chosen to procreate with a man who isn’t ready to be a father. It happens to the best of us. But here’s the honest truth: some men, much like children and dogs, will be as poorly behaved as you allow them to be. Don’t enable this behavior. Stop asking. Start telling.
“Get up. I’ve been up with the baby all night, and I can’t function anymore. She’s been fed and changed. Don’t wake me up for at least 2 hours.” Then put in some earplugs and pass the fuck out.
You have to train him to treat you how you want to be treated. Provide two options: he can be an involved father and a supportive partner OR he can GTFO and you go to court and make sure he has 50% custody so you get court ordered respite time. What you cannot do is ask, beg, cry, pout, and in all manner of ways allow him to be completely checked out as a Dad. Your child deserves better than that.
Omg, that sounds so frustrating and honestly kinda unfair. You’ve been holding it down nonstop and just needed a tiny break, but he’s prioritizing his sleep over helping you even for an hour? I’d be heated too. You deserve support, not to feel like you’re doing this alone while he naps. Don’t beat yourself up for freaking out sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself when things aren’t right.
He could give you one hour of rest but he chooses not to. He’s selfish.
Oh the amount of women who let those no good lazy losers nut inside them. Be a man and take care of your child fricking noob! And if you don’t love or care about the woman you had the child with, it’s the bare minimum to take care of the child.
Girl. You need to leave. This selfish POS actually slept all night and wouldnt give you an hour? And you feel guilty what the actual fuck.
Leave, go stay with family and get actual fucking help
He got you pregnant, now it is time to step up and be a man. A real father, not a deadbeat dad.
✨NTA✨So is his family his mama? Call her and tell her what’s going on. I bet he’ll be quickly on his way home.Op on the real YOU BOTH made your child and he needs to step up not just in monetary terms but some ACTUAL PARENTING and be a HELPFUL partner for you as well. Really look at this man and ask yourself can he truly be a good partner and parent with me? Is this just a one time thing? Or is he showing you who he truly is?
I hear this stuff alllll the time. It’s so sad that parents won’t step up sometimes. Put your foot down now; otherwise it’ll never get better. Only slowly worse and worse.
He’s The AH. First of all, he shouldn’t be leaving with “family” for the day. You and the baby are his family now. And shame on his family for this as well. It’s time to have a serious conversation about family and responsibility. Tell him your combined exhaustion and hormones contributed to the freak out, but that the exhaustion part could have been helped, in part, with a break from him.
Then discuss clear expectations. On bad nights he gives you no less than 2 separate hour breaks. Etc.
Just…wow. He’s a complete ass. You’re NTA, hun. Part of being a parent is being up with the baby late at night and being sleep deprived. For BOTH parents. Especially if they don’t even have to be well rested for work the next day. And he’s going out to hang out with family and leaving you home alone to take care of the baby? WTF? Girl, if you have someplace to go, get out. He’s showing you what kind of parent he’s going to be.
Been there. Sleep deprivation messes with your body, your emotions, everything. If he can’t step up now when the baby’s this young, what will he do when it gets harder? You’re not wrong to feel hurt or pissed.
NTA, but baby daddy sure is. You’re not going to fix him or change him. He probably also looks upon baby duty as “women’s work”. Fortunately, newborns sleep a lot. Sleep when your baby sleeps & to hell with anything else, especially the boyfriend.
Next time? Wake him up, hand him the baby and go to sleep. Unless you signed up to be a solo caretaker, he needs to get off his ass and be present.
You both obviously wanted a child unless this was a birth control failure. You apparently did not choose a grown up. He has to shape up or ship out. It won’t get better. You have be prepared to file for child support. Best to separate e-bike baby
Throw him away.
From one woman to another, this is often the first time you’ll notice how he treats you and it will open your eyes.
Start making plans-safely- to get away xxx
NTA THE GUY IS A LOSER.
YTA for having a baby with him.
Continued: best to separate before baby is old enough to notice. No marriage so no fight over alimony.
Do you have family or support that can come watch the baby so you can take a nap? Is this the same dude who wanted you to get rid of your dog?
Welcome to stay at home with chikd(ren) .
He’s the one who provides by working outside the home. He has his role. You have yours. The newborn has his/her role as well. That is to test the limits of human endurance.
For a very long time, human beings have managed to take care of their chikdren and households. You decided to bring a child into the world. You must accept all that goes with this.
NTA
You need support. Someone needs to have a strong word with your bf. What family thinks it’s ok for a new father to dump his partner and baby for a family day out? Seems his family aren’t helpful.
Do you have other support who can be with you, come and spend time or who you can stay with for a few days for help, rest and a bit of care for baby’s mama? Take care of you so you can take care of your little one.
When you’re less tired and stressed, have a serious and calm conversation with the child’s father as to what parenting a little one means and the changes to life it brings.
He’s not even going to work?!?!? Don’t feel bad, it’s sounds like you have two children to take care of now
You’re already raising a baby alone, do it away from this horrid “man”
Guessing from this post you haven’t realised you’re a single mum yet? Should have realised before having the baby, I don’t believe he went from guy who would be a perfect father to lesser version of Frank Gallagher after you gave birth. You knew who you was having a baby with.
He’s an AH-he should also get up in the night with baby even if you breastfeed he can change and burp your baby or if bottle fed can do at least one feeding every night-being a parent means not getting all your hours of sleep -he needs to help you
NTA
Wow he left his family home to spend time with his extended family ? don’t they want to visit baby and you as well? He seems immature and his values are messed up maybe go stay with family for a while and let him rethink his priorities because you need support it is exhausting
If you have a good stroller and car seat maybe bring baby for regular walks to tire baby out and let you get some vitamin d and destress on the walk . This is not sustainable to continue on this way,
Girl RUN your going to fell like a single mother if you stay with him any way. Does he even have any thing to do with the baby at all. You said he’s been gone all week has it been work or just goofing. Get out wile you can
Um pack that daughter up & literally hand her & her gear over & go to bed. He has to get used to parenthood too. Period his family has expended & where is his mother since it’s a family day that should include you & his kid, where’s Grandma? Oh wait let me guess, they are letting their baby boy still act free & clear while neglecting the needs of both his child & her mother, pffftt You must stand for yourself since it doesn’t seem he will. You need help to get rest & with the baby’s care & you shouldn’t have to beg, put a schedule in place & stick to it! Try to have a conversation or 2 or a million … you do not need his permission nor to beg. Next time remove yourself if you must . Go take a nap at your friends or parents etc… this is usually where the grandparents help out with new babies .
Welcome to being a woman!
You will never get a lick of help for anything you ever have to do, without flack.
You know that song labor. That’s big right now. Should listen to that because that’s your life hun.
Everyday on Reddit I see women having children with children, and it never ceases to amaze me how you cannot see the immaturity in the boy that you’re with and then decide to have a kid with him anyway.
Anyway, I got no good advice for you, get used to being tired. Get used to picking up the loads yourself, get used to having no help from anyone and get used to being blamed for everything that goes wrong whether you touched it or not.
Welcome to motherhood. Isn’t it fucking great?
The exhaustion of being a parent to a newborn is real. I worked jobs where I was clocking in 12-17 hours at times and I typically function alright with minimum sleep, but nothing prepared me for the exhaustion of caring for a newborn.
How is his relationship with the baby? Does he do his part in changing, feeding, burping etc? Has he ever taken shifts with you during the night? Does he have any mental health struggles like PPD?
A primary caregiver needs to have breaks to recharge. You literally have the most important job of keeping the baby alive and thriving. Asking for 1 hour of rest isn’t too much, especially since he’s just going out with family.
I’m curious how his family is ok with that though? Like “oh hey you just had a baby but yeah come out and hang with us and let your wife handle the baby”…?
NTA
Why are you asking, he is the father. You should expect him to take care of you both unless he can’t. He should not go with his family all day with a newborn, unless he brings her with them. Assuming on how newborn she is, I assume you are not ready to separate from her yet, if you can handle it, he should take her to be with her fathers family.
You seem to have TWO babies now. Time for him to GROW the F up!