i don’t typically post so this is all very new to me. i (21f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together for 2.5 years. we had some issues where i admittedly was a grade a b****. basically talked to the guy i liked for the first year against my boyfriend’s wishes. that stopped in the second year when i gained my senses back. so in nov 2024, my boyfriend and i decided this was not working, and immediately after breaking up i talked to the guy for 10 minutes to get some semblance of control back (very stupid, i know, i am truly ashamed). i’m super apologetic about my behaviour and obviously take full accountability.
when this happened, my boyfriend shared the whole thing with his cousin sister (21f). his sis and i were “friends” before this and i actually encouraged him to get close to her, since they didn’t talk much. when we were having the breakup talks, i told his sister and gave her an out, but she said she wanted to stay and know my pov. this was before my boyfriend had shared anything with her. after that, she ghosted me and communicated through him that she didn’t want to talk anymore.
my boyfriend and i eventually worked through things, and he told his sister to apologise for ghosting + being rude without explaining why. instead, she said i’m manipulative, overwhelming, and act innocent. this was a bit shocking since i thought we were on decent terms. to me, it felt kind of two-faced. i sent her a long message (too long lol) basically trying to clear the air and fix things.
i acknowledged everything i did wrong and tried to be upfront about where i stood. i didn’t expect us to be friends, but i wanted things to be at least respectful. i also mentioned that i wanted to marry him someday and had a pinterest board for it (im a planner).
her response was intense. first thing she said was that the length of my message proved her point—that i create drama and am overwhelming. then she said that if her opinions are causing conflict then maybe a small part of my bf knows she is telling the truth.
she went on to reiterate that i am overwhelming and manipulative, that i am problematic and i pretend to be innocent when i am not. and that i supposedly love to cause unnecessary drama cause i thrive off of it.
and then she finished with letting me know that i might marry him but i’ll never be welcomed. that nobody in their family likes me.
i’ve never received a message like that in my life. she basically laid out that no matter what happens, even if my boyfriend and i end up together, i’ll never be accepted by the family. not even a fake attempt at civility—just a hard no. it didn’t feel like a boundary or disagreement; it felt like punishment. like she was actively trying to hurt me. it also felt a bit territorial.
my boyfriend hasn’t spoken to her since. he was livid and said she crossed the line, especially with the whole “you’ll never be welcomed” bit. but i’m not happy with him cutting her off either. that’s not what i wanted. i just wanted to talk, fix things, or at least make things honest. now we’re stuck in this weird cold war and i feel like i made everything worse by trying to make it better.
i genuinely don’t know how to move forward. any advice?
TL;DR boyfriend’s sister hates me and told me i will never be welcomed in the family
Comments
You cheated on your boyfriend for a year and his family will never forget that. You will never be welcomed around them and that is the consequence of your own actions.
Is there any truth at all to what she said? Personally, based on your past choices, I think you need to spend some time single and figuring out who are want to be. To be so frantic to always have control over your relationships with everyone, screams insecure and lost. I would hate for you to continue to go from person to person making sure they like you and approve of you.
Accept that you are a villain in her story. You can’t change it. You can only work on you and who you want to be in this world.