Firstly if you know nothing about bodybuilding or PEDs please do not comment with stereotypes…
My 24m boyfriend is doing his second show with gear. I 25f have noticed the past 3 months he has been less affectionate, less talkative, less happy. Every day all he talks about is the show, body checks several times a day. He gives me updates every day, its to the point where Im done with it. Now I myself am training to do a show next year, I understand how it is. I understand how hard dieting is, and hes at 8% right now. That said its to the point of extremism. He is non stop thinking and talking about this show when we are together. He asks me what I think of him and I give him the same answers, “you look amazing babe!!”, “I’m proud of you!”, and he flip flops between saying he looks insane to saying he looks horrible. Its high highs and low lows daily. He isnt blasting and his cycle isnt crazy either, just a low dose test and peptides. I was dieting for a bit and lost 5% body fat in 2-3 months (from 25% to 19%), and I never acted like he is. Now the difference is hes getting ready for a show but it has been going on for months atp.
I miss when he was affectionate, he used to want to be intimate daily, now maybe its once a week. He still has functioning like he could if he wanted to but according to him he “doesn’t have desire” which has been going on for 3 months. He doesn’t ask to cuddle me like he used to. When we hang out he doesn’t act the same and I never know what mood if he will be in lately. My mother has even mentioned she notices a difference. I get getting irritated and low energy 4 weeks out but this has been going on for 3 months. Has anyone experienced something similar? I can’t tell atp if its an issue with the relationship or its truly related to the show. He is not acting like he used to, and for reference, we have been dating 2 years.
One last piece of info. Last weekend we were supposed to do something together and I was going to bring a snack. The day before I suggested we just get healthy takeout before the activity and he agreed. The next morning he got super mad at me and yelled at me because I forgot to get snacks…but he agreed to the takout. He has never yelled at me like that and said “you were sitting on your ass all day yesterday you had time!”. I don’t know where this is coming from, he does NOT act like this and is usually emotionally intelligent. He does NOT yell at me, first time.
TLDR:
I [25f] am tired of my boyfriend [24m] and his prep for bodybuilding.
Comments
Sounds like mental health issues and/or abusing a substance he isn’t telling you about. At the very least, I would communicate what’s bothering you and possibly take a break.
Is he going to continue doing shows after this one? It’s one thing to say this is a one off period of bad behavior due ti circumstances, but if he’s unable to control his emotions and continues body building, I wouldn’t stay in this relationship.
It seems like he might be keeping things from you. At the very least, this process is creating distance, and it makes you feel unloved. I would try holding it together until the show and then expressing these feelings. But if he keeps lashing out, then you might need to talk sooner.
I know nothing about bodybuilding, but I do follow several trainers on TikTok who have talked about how broken their brains became when they were deep into training, because all they could think about at pretty much every moment was about food. Thinking about food, being hungry, and resisting the urge to eat pretty much absorbed all of their emotional energy.
Up to you whether you can stick this out with him. (When is the show? How much time is left?)
If you do stick it out, wait until he’s done and recovered a bit and have a frank conversation. “That was a ton of work, I’m super proud of you, you did a really hard thing. I question whether you actually enjoyed this, as you were very irritable and at times pretty unkind to me” or something along those lines. If he can recognize that was true and you guys can work through it, awesome. If he can’t recognize his feelings and actions and wants to blame you, you now have a lot of info about your compatibility.
You think he is annoying now, just wait until he is in the dehydration period.
Went through this same thing. It was so bad he wouldn’t have sex with me saying that he had to “save his cum so his testosterone levels don’t drop, effecting his strength training” 🤦🏻♀️ needless to say we didn’t work out after 3 years of this nonsense
My fiance did this a couple of years ago and it really was rough, especially towards the end when he was always hungry and tired. I can’t tell you how many times I pointed out that YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE ENJOYING ANY OF THIS, BRO but he didn’t want to hear it. I don’t have any advice (I’m not even sure how we got through it without a shouting match) but just know you’re not alone.
Respect to both of you for bodybuilding—I work out a lot, but I have never had an interest in doing it because of… exactly what you’re describing. It’s pretty well known that gear/bodybuilding prep will mess with your head, and it sounds like your bf is experiencing it.
BUT, just because it’s a known set of side effects, that doesn’t make it ok for him to sabotage your relationship and/or treat you poorly as a result of his prep. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that neither of you are doing this as your day job, so once this show is over, you two need to have a talk about whether bodybuilding is going to work as a lifestyle going forward.
Honestly… like PEDs have been made better but still terribly damaging to the body and mental state, you should really consider finding someone with a similar physique that doesn’t need drugs to get it. Though it will be hard, you are probably in more danger than you realize. PEDs are serious hard drugs. They aren’t just supplements. Saying this as someone who knows about them and other drugs. That has worked with people getting off them.